Changes and problems

It has been more than a month since the camping trip and things have slightly changed in our house. All the children above 8 years old is now doing an exercise routine everyday. It's to improve our body to use magic easier, according to Hans.

Beside our excise routine, Nasha has been leaving the house more often than before. She used to only go out once a week but now it has changed to once every 2 days.

The biggest change was probably the appearance, or rather reappearance, of Hans. Now he visits us every week. He doesn't even teach us anything, he just come in and play for a while before leaving. Is he slacking off his job?

Sitting on the familiar windowsill, I once again focus my attention back to my hand. Closing my eyes, I tried to reach for something hiding deep inside my body. Its presence was still there yet it was unreachable.

'Not today either...'

Ever since the the incident back at the forest, I have lost the connection to my soul. At first it was just some minor problem like summoning less magic particles but soon before I know it, the connection was lost.

I tried asking the adults for help but they didn't know anything either. This is quite a big problem as I can't progress with my magic training now that I have no access to magic. I can't say that I'm not frustrated seeing the kids get ahead of me.

Tac. Tac. Tac.

The rhythmic tapping sound resounded through the house. I keep tapping on the windowsill hoping to find something amidst the noise.

What could cause the problem? Is it what I did in the forest? No it shouldn't be. Hans said that there was no way for the connection to the soul to be lost from using coating, correctly used or not. And rather than the cause, it felt more like a trigger.

Is it my soul trait that cause it? Perhaps that's the case but if so there's nothing I can do about it. Not many even know this trait existed much less it's characteristic.

Tac. Tac.

Listening to the sound, a memory resurfaced in my mind. A strange dream. That dream... is it because of it?

Certainly it's the only out of place thing I could find after coming here. I feel like the dream was trying to tell me something. But how did it happen anyway, after that I have never managed to get a similar dream. All I did back then was summoning some particles...

Ah that moment, something clicks in my mind. Back then, I didn't know how to use magic properly, thus my soul got damage. Then... is the requirement for me to damage my own soul? I wasn't confident.

'Is it worth it?'

Although my soul is now healed, is it worth risking my soul to gamble on something I'm not sure about?

There's no way I can safely damage it with the connection now gone. I couldn't summon magic particles to do the same thing I did back then. The only other way I can think of is to physical hurt myself since soul is closely related to the body.

Stuck between a tough dilemma, I find myself a bit helpless. There's so little I can do.

"Ken? You want to join us?"

"Ah, coming!"

Well, I can think about it in another day.