"That day was a mistake, indeed"

July 27, 2010

"Dear Nicole,

I know it's been a long time. I thought that maybe I could move on, maybe I could let everything else go including you, maybe I could start from pieces all over again. But as it turns out, I can't. Believe me, I tried, I tried a lot, but I just can't get over the fact that everything had to end this way. So, all I wanna say is I've realised eventually that I still do love you, I really do. I don't think you feel the same way...can't blame you after how things had to end. But lemme reassure you that it was just a misunderstanding. Believe me, I would never cheat on you...I don't know if you're in a state to listen to me right now, I know I should have told you that day itself but I didn't and I fuckin' regret it...But I really do want if only we could patch up or maybe start over...

With love,

Leandor"

I wrote it with the deepest content that I had in my heart, for him...

I knew it was not my fault, but something, some feeling, some regret, some guilt was still left in me that asked," Why didn't you do anything, why? You could have changed all of this, all of it was in your hands, but you never seemed to care, you never got bothered by it, did you?" This grief-stricken emotion made me regret every decision I made about him, that I made for him...

So, there I was, spending much of my time on this letter, with much thinking that I could ever do...

Oh yeah, I was so much sullied with this thing that I did not seem to care about the time...

And the next thing I knew, I was late for work.

"You're late again, Miss Frank."

"I may assure you it won't happen again, sir, just lemme go this once..."

"I would trust you on this one....take it as your last warning."

It did seem like I was really much into my job at working hours but deep down, I had this feeling of guilt, this regret for everything...

I knew I was not to be blamed, but why, why then, did I seem to get so affected, so hurt? There was this unusually dark feeling consuming me from head to toe. What it seemed was a deeming state of depression from within.

Maybe this was the love I had for him...

This grief was like a deep scar, only growing deeper...I knew it. I had to stop all this. I had to do something. I had to give him the letter. I had to make him know how I felt for him. I had to let him know that it was nothing more than a mere, filthy encounter that never had surpassed my love for him, that I never would dare cheat on him...

I took a half day, which was definitely not a good thing for Mr. Williams, my boss.

But I had to do something, something to end all of this...

I grabbed on my handbag and headed straight to Nic's house. I knew that I needed to tell him the truth.

I took a cab and went ahead and in no time, there I was, in front of the house of the man I loved the most...

His house seemed to remind me of all those things we did together, all that time that we had just for ourselves, all those happy times...They never faded away, atleast for me they never did...

I marched straight up to the front door.

I knocked, no response...knocked again, still no response...

I knocked till the point I was fuckin' frustrated...

It was then that I realised the door was actually open.

I made a pretty wild guess that he was not home, cuz I knew him...he would never leave the door open. It was just something I knew, for sure...

I felt like turning away...but something in me felt like unassuring, there was something that told me that I should go in there, for he was there in that place of his...

So, I went in there...

I marched to each and every corner of the house I knew till the point that I finally got to see him in his room, and as it seemed, he was making out with a girl...oh yeah, he really was doin' that...

I just stood there in shock. It felt like something in me had shattered into a hundred pieces. Well, it was my heart that had seemingly broke apart...

Why was I sad? We had broken up, right? But why does it seem like something's just not right?

I just didn't know how to answer myself.

Suddenly, I could see him happening to see me..

"Lean! You...What are you doin' here?!!?"

"Ohh..well, I came here to give you-. You know what, nevermind...I shall take a leave, I guess..."

And I left, and never looked back, cuz I knew if I looked back, maybe I would have never been able to forgive myself for leaving him like that...and I did not want to guilt trap myself anymore...I was just done with that stuff for good.

I could feel him following me but I pretended not to hear those voices, those footsteps...

I did manage to escape that place, recklessly...

I went running back to my house. I was in no state to survive among the people I knew, I just couldn't...the crowd wasn't exactly the best idea for me to go through...

It was then that I got a call, a call that seemingly changed the course of my whole fuckin' life...

The call, well, was from my bestmate, Denna...

"Did you give him that letter?"

"Not that I could...seems like he got someone already..."

"Guess he did long before.."

"What do you mean??"

"Well, I never meant to tell you, but now that you're probably gonna forget him and try to move on after what just happened...I guess you should know..."

"I won't mind you tellin' it to me already, so can ya?"

"Well, seems like the guy had been cheating on you since long.."

"What-"

And I hung up.

I did not wish to ask anything more, I really never wanted to know anything else about how it all happened and shit like that.

All I knew was that he cheated on me...