Naruto Parodic Summary by CrazyBomb World
Link to the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcXtI7Sly9k&ab_channel=CrazyBombWorld
It's advised to read this while watching the video. I'm so good for description.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++IN THE PAAYST++++++++++
Random: Oh My God, A giant nine tailed Fox (This joke works better in French).
Random: The President came to save us.
Then Minato appear on Gamabunta head.
Minato: There's only one way... sealing it in a baby.
Gamabunta: You sure about this plan?
Minato(with a troll face): Wait, I want to see how it'll go.
++++++++++IN THE PRESENT++++++++++
At Ichiraku Ramen Shop, Naruto is discussing with Iruka.
Naruto: Sensei, I don't really get why nobody likes me.
Iruka: Maybe because you got no respect for your elders, you're mediocre at school, your tastes in clothing and YOUR MUG! By the way, where do these moustaches come from?
Naruto: An idea of the author to attract the fury fan...
++
On a rooftop, Mizuki is proposing a deal to Naruto.
Mizuki: Hey Naruto, you already got a shitty reputation. So, how about going to the President to steal a ninjutsu scroll which may cause your possible death?
Naruto: Ok!
++
Hiruzen is interrogating the ninja guards after the succesful theft.
Hiruzen: Are you trying to tell me that a kid passed through the security formed by elite ninjas? Not surprising that the others villages don't take us seriously.
++
Back to Naruto and Mizuki.
Mizuki(throwing giant shuriken): Haha! It was a trap!
Iruka: NARUTO NO! (while getting impaled by the giant shuriken)
Naruto: Iruka! Are you fine?
Iruka: DO I LOOK LIKE I'M FINE, DUMBASS?
++
Naruto got angry and use the Multi Shadow Clones.
Naruto: It's **** time, bitch!
After a long ****...
Iruka: Congrats Naruto. This is your forehead protector.
Naruto: Does it mean that I graduated.
Iruka: Ha for that you would have to blow something other than ramens...
+++TRANSITION+++
Iruka is saying his last words to the newly graduates.
Iruka: Naruto, these are your new teammates:
Sakura: I hope I'll be useful!
Sasuke: Apparently, I'm here to bring cheerful disposition...
Naruto: Really?
Sasuke: No, however luring in the Yaoi fanbase that I can do.
*Recap on the kiss exchanged with Naruto*
++
Kakashi meets his new students.
Kakashi: Hi kids! How about trying to catch these bells while I'm reading an erotic novel?
Sasuke (seriously): I fear for our sexual security...
Kakashi: You're right about that! (-proceeds to reap Naruto anal virginity-)
+++TRANSITION+++
The team meets Zabuza.
Zabuza: I AM ZABUZA!
Sakura: Shame on him, he's wearing a parachute pants!
Zabuza: Ah yes! This sword is here to offset something I don't have
Kakashi: A congruent size penis?
Zabuza(deadpans): A lack of affection...
The team: OOH.
Following that is an epic figth...
Kakashi: BY THE POWER OF CONJUNCTIVITIS
Zabuza: Stop copying me!
Kakashi: No, YOU stop copying me!
Haku(taking the beaten Zabuza away): See you in one week, folks.
++
Kakashi powerleveling his team.
Kakashi: So, in the meantime, I'll teach you how to fuck gravity rules.
Amazing training montage follows.
++
Next fight with Zabuza
Kakashi: I'll take care of Zabuza. Naruto, Sasuke, you two will take care of this guy with ambiguous sexuality. And you Sakura... Stay useless!
Sakura: Ok!
Perfect!
++
Naruto: Let's go Sasuke, we will crush "him" together!
+++ONE ETERNITY LATER+++
Sasuke(beaten): I'm dying
Naruto(angry with plot armor): FURY MODE: ON!
Haku: Ok, I'm fed up with your bullshit! Better to suicide! (-proceeds to take on Kakashi chidori-)
Zabuza(saying his last words towards Haku corpse): Haku! I shouldn't have used you as a simple tool
Kakashi: A SEXUAL TOOL?
Zabuza: As a weapon
*Joint astonishment*
+++TRANSITION+++
Kakashi: Hey kiddos, wanna chain traumas on traumas? Good! I registered you in a potentially deadly exam.
Sakura: Look at the others entrants! They seem sympathic!
Choji: MY PERSONALITY IS FOOD!!!
Shikamaru: I don't give a fuck...
Ino: POWER TO BLONDY GIRLS.
Kiba: I fuck my dog.
Shino: I fuck insects.
Hinata: I trully would like to fuck Naruto.
Lee: I think I'm sexually harassed by my sensei!
Neji: Fate is only the fate of our fate, reunited by fate... FATE!
Tenten: I throw things.
Gaara: KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!
+++TRANSITION+++
Creepy disguised Orochimaru: My child, do you want some candies?
Sasuke: Fuck off, Mickael Jackson!
Orochimaru: I can give you a tatoo which will make yo more emo instead...
Sasuke: Ok?
And Pedomaru marks Sasuke.
++
Jiraiya: Hey Naruto! Show me your boobs and I'll teach you how to become Jesus.
Naruto: WTF WITH THE OLD GUYS IN THIS MANGA, GODDAMIT?
+++TRANSITION+++
Fight between Naruto and Neji
Naruto(talking about Hinata): Neji, I'll avenge my fan-girl!
Neji: How about I tell you the history of my clan instead, in a touching flashback about fate of fate, and-
Naruto(knocking him out): No time! It's a summary, fuck.
++
Fight between Naruto and Gaara
Gaara: I'M SO EVIL!
Naruto: It's bad to be evil!
Gaara: Shit, I think he's right!
+++TRANSITION+++
Jiraiya: The President is dead. It's time to go to his direct successor.
Naruto: Shouldn't we hold a democratic election instead?
Jiraiya: No, let's use the piston technique, the only realistic part od the manga.
++
Itachi: Hi; lil bro!
Sasuke: Go fuck yourself, bastard! You're so ridiculous with your black painted nails!
Itachi: It hurts me!
Sasuke: Great!
Itachi: But if you want to kill me, you'd need punchlines even more hurting!
Sasuke: You dark circles face!
Itachi: No, this one was shitty...
++
Tsunade: Hello, I'm Tsunade, the milf...
Naruto: Fuck, a big forehead gal once again!
Jiraiya: Wouldn't you want to become President?
*Music: Fuck this shit, I'm out* Tsunade going away
++
Pedomaru: Tsunade, the other cunt broke my hands. I can't touch little kids anymore... Heal them...
Tsunade(deadpans): NO
Orochimaru: So, I challenge you!
Jiraiya: We'll fuck you two to one, asshole!
Orochimaru: If only you were kids
Tsunade: You're a big sicko, you know that?
Naruto: As everyone's acting as a coward, I suppose I'll go with the flow by hitting a guy wearing glasses!... Hey Harry Poter!
Kabuto: Yes? (-proceeds to eat a Rasengan-)
Tsunade: OMG, he hits Harry Potter!
Jiraiya: You bastard!
Tsunade: So, by the way, all this made me realize that I accept to be President.
Jiraiya: What makes you change your mind?
Tsuunade: Ohn dunno, celebrity, glory, thankfulness... MONEY!
+++TRANSITION+++
Sasuke: Naruto, I'm leaving the village. I must perfect my tatoo.
Naruto: How many times should I tell you that Orochimaru is not the presentator of Ink Master?
Sakura: NO! DON'T LEAVE. (-then get wasted-)
++
Naruto: Miss Big Forehead, Sasuke is going to Orochimaru, you should do something!
Tsunade: I've too much paper work and sudokus to finish, go instead of me.
Shikamaru: But we might die!
Naruto: Don't worry, no risk to have physicals and psychologics traumas. (*Foreshadowing*)
+++TRANSITION+++
Naruto: Don't go, you're my best friend.
Sasuke: You too, Naruto.
*Fight scene*
Sasuke: But I want to dollow the emo way to defeat my cowardly brother.
Naruto: And you have to follow a pedophile grand-mother, just for this?
Sasuke: Don't judge my messed up logic, I'm only 13.
+++TRANSITION+++
Kakashi coming after the fight like the cops.
Kakashi: Actually, I'm a shitty teacher.
++
Jiraiya: So seeing as you're a little weak, I propose you to come with me for 3 years to do intensive training.
Naruto: Having a three years trip alone with an old pervert! Ok!
Sakura: I hope that in 3 years, I will be even more useful.
NO