Chapter 10

I hate myself.

Not because of what I look or what I don't have, I'm just tired of everything in this so called life of mine- if it's still considered a life.

I'm just a living doll awaiting her death.

Every minute I breathe, I longed for that painful clench of death even if it's just a second. Hours of living in this world made me hysterical, years made me numb and a hundred more times made me hot hope.

But now that there's a sliver of change, it's still a change, even though it came after a forever amount of waiting.

"Caia? Is everything alright?"

I was asked by the principal and I could only smile.

"I'm sorry, I was just too nervous"

Lies.

You're never nervous, you've never felt anything after all these years of nothing but numbness.

"It's fine, you don't need to worry, the kids are really obedient" I send her a small smile, one that I have practiced for a very long time as she continues" So you want to be an art teacher?"

"I do"

She flips the resume that I brought to her and skimmed it "I see that you have the qualifications and that you are a graduate of a well known art school here. Well then, I am officially welcoming you to our elementary school. I hope you can teach the students with great enthusiasm and create wonderful memories with them."

Wonderful memories? I don't know if I can create some of that, it's been a really long time since I've had such wonderful memories.

The two of us shook hands, it s

shouldn't have been this easy but I was recommended by Nai nai and because of that, I can now work.

I studied art and I loved painting. It was my one passion in life that I think will never change and will never leave my side- well, I used to think like that.

I guess with all that free and limitless time, something like a passion for you will lose its brilliance.

Although my parents specialized in brewery, I was a child who loved art since the very beginning. My mom and dad spoiled me and in turn, let me study art which is way different than what other heirs study

I am still the heir of our company but I don't think they'll be able to pass it to me.

I would be dead by then.

I hope.

She escorted me and let one of the teachers, a middle aged woman with fine wrinkles in her lips signifying that she loves to smile and guide me around the school.

It was a just a normal elementary school. Kids were seen bowing to us everytime they see us, their smile were too pure that I couldn't help but remember mine.

It was really a long time ago, I couldn't remember my smiling face, it was too vague now.

She guided me to the teacher's office and there I met a woman who looks about the same age range like me.

"So you're our new art teacher? Why choose this small school, I mean I love this school but you clearly are too qualified for this school"

I like her.

She's straightforward.

"It's because I love kids and I love to paint. I wanted to teach them about the beauty of art, although this is just a small school, but just looking at it for the first time, I could see how happy the kids are. I want to be in this kind of environment"

Her black beady eyes shine with luster and she smiled at me before introducing herself. She's called Yu Li Xue, she told me to just call her XueXue and I just nodded simply at her.

I know that I have too much sorrow and pain in my life.

I don't want to add more.

I'm just going to pass my time again doing all sort of things and wait if

And await for death.

I want to have a memory, a good memory of what I love to do before I could relieve all the pain again.