Chapter 9

He's finally back.

Back to his own prison state.

I don't mind if his eyes were cold against my blank one, all I care is his existence that's been tied against my soul.

My feelings are drifting away from him, but my body was continuously held by his chain and I couldn't break free.

"An Yi Wei"

Within the cold chilly night I whispered his name and I could feel myself losing against my consciousness again.

Again.

I'm losing my will, being controlled once more by this invincible string that held my fate.

"Are you tired? Do you want to rest first an-"

"I'm fine"

He was cold and polite, even if I shouted disgusting words at him, he would remain the same.

I can handle his coldness, his well disguised annoyance at me but why can't I just leave him be? Why can't you let me leave him be?

"I told you to never spout nonsense again towards Nai nai right?"

He was like a beast, wanting to pounce and tear me to pieces.

I wanted too.

I wanted him to tear me to pieces again and never return to this hellish world.

"I didn't... Nai nai was just worried-ah!"

I was grabbed, I knew it would happen again. I knew it would, what did I expect?

He's angry.

Again.

Why is he angry at me? Right, every word, every look and my very own existence is like a stain in his eyes.

I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to tell Nai nai, it's not me.

I didn't do it.

Why can't he just understand?

Oh, he can't, I can understand but he can't. They're just pieces, as well as I, we were bound to suffer in this fate- I am.

"Stop with your pitiful act!"

He finally said it, his eyes were blazing with rage. I could see myself reflected into his eyes like a mirror, and I could see my cowardly self.

Sinking into the wall and is almost crushed by his hold.

"I'm sorry"

I'm sorry to myself.

I'm sorry that we will always experience this, sorry that there's nothing we can do and that we will never escape.

I can't help my own self, they won't let me.

"You better stop or else I would really divorce you"

In the past, I find his words terrifying, his threat about divorcing me is like the most terrible thing that could happen in my life.

Now, I wanted him to divorce me, right now and then.

I wanted to left him, but he's the only person who can decide my fate.

And my fate is usually on the worst side.

He took his claws off of me as I cried with silent tears, my gaze blank as I see him going upstairs.

Now my body is my own now, I was no longer controlled.

I can only slid off the wall, knees curled up on my chest as I silently watch myself do this one man play. Tears are something that is released to us whenever we are uncomfortable and sad, but for me, it just releases karma.

Every time I cry, everyone would ridicule and happily watch me act crazy.

I was long accustomed to their treatments.

Already numb to the pain.