63. Revelations

Sometimes the past is something you can't let go of. And sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget.

-Meredith Grey

She didn't know how Mark convinced her to come here. The airport was just as she remembered it as Everett squirmed in her arms. The baby had been quiet throughout the plane ride but now he was beginning to become restless. He was tired.

So was she.

"I know, Ev," she mumbled as she grabbed her luggage off the conveyor belt. Unlike last time, no one waited for her. No Harper Avery, no friends, nothing.

No Tom.

This was going to be harder than she thought. She wished Mark was here but he was busy with his father and had assured her that Kepner would keep in touch as she became sort of an interim Chief Resident.

Walking to the taxis, she crossed the road and was about to enter a yellow cab when there was a call of her name.

"Emily!" Head snapping up, she saw Theresa there with her minivan. Smiling slightly, she headed over. "Didn't Noah tell you I was coming?"

"Nope." At that, Theresa rolled her eyes and opened the door for her tired sister-in-law. "He's been busy." The pediatrician's smile disappeared and was replaced by a sympathetic expression. "I can't believe this is happening."

"I never knew you came from an Italian family," Theresa began to say after they settled Everett into the car seat and began the drive to the Moore household. Emily was quiet, stiff with the thought of her mother. "Noah's never mentioned it to me."

"No one mentions it. It's an unspoken rule," she said shortly. "It's not something we like to remember." Theresa had a quiet smile on her face and shook her head. Emily didn't find the humour in the situation. "What?"

"You two are so similar. It's crazy," she commented. "You and Noah. And I've said it before, but there are moments when you guys really are siblings," she clarified after a moment when Emily glared at her. The name Andrew echoed in her head. "Not you and your… half siblings."

"There's more than one?" Emily asked sharply and she jamed an open palm into the glove compartment in front of her, causing the contents to rattle. Her wrist blossomed, hot with pain that seeped into her bones.

"Yeah…" At first, Theresa was hesitant but when hazel met green, she turned her gaze back to the road and added, "A son and a daughter."

"No!"

"Emily-"

Hot shame and anger washed over her as Emily pitched forward, hands digging through her hair. She was replaced. Her mom left and replaced her because Noah and her somehow… they messed up. And Dad… Dad messed up. He screwed someone on the side, left Mom and married her instead. And Mom disappeared because she couldn't take it. All the rage from being abandoned flooded her in full force. She was the problem. That would make sense.

That's why her mom replaced her.

A son and a daughter to replace the fuck-ups.

She was the problem.

Fat tears welled in her eyes, and when she blinked, they fell over the chasm and down her wrists and into her mouth. Theresa was quiet, just driving and she couldn't help but try to stifle her sobs. Emily sniffed noisily, gazing blearily at the black smudges that marred her skin as she wiped away her tears.

"Why?" she whispered and her mind was such a mess that she could barely speak.

She was the problem.

"Sometimes, people do things to be happy." Theresa chanced a glance at her/ "And sometimes people do things so others can be happy," Tte brunette pediatrician continued, "The last time you were in Boston, things happened."

Tom died. Theresa didn't need to say it. Tom died and you lost a baby. And then her own voice replaced her sister-in-law's, And then you broke up with Mark. Because you needed to heal. You needed to be happy. And now you're married to him, with a beautiful baby boy.

So what?

"And it's happening again. Em, please, talk to your mom. Talk to Noah. You both close up and I don't speak your language as fluently as others of your clan do."

She was the problem.

"I'll talk to Noah," she said and Theresa frowned. That wasn't the answer she was fishing for and Emily knew. Still, the brunette surgeon merely tried in vain to silence the storm of thoughts in her head until only one remained.

She was the problem.

.

Entering the familiar halls of Mass Gen wasn't something she thought would be a pleasant experience but it turned out not that bad. The E.R. was busy, there were a few nurses she remembered, but none of them stopped to say hello to her. After washing up at her brother's, she had her hair up in a sensible bun and as little makeup as possible without looking like a mess.

Wearing jeans, a cardigan and a tight-fit white shirt, she strolled the halls where she was supposed to meet Noah at the peds ward. Standing near the nurse station, she drummed her fingers on the clean service without having the head nurse give her a dirty look as she looked down the hall, not focusing on anything.

"Emily?" Blinking, she looked up at the familiar face. Red hair, blue eyes, surprised, tentative smile on his lips. Davin.

"Davin." A smile crossed her own face briefly and she hugged him tightly, patting him on the back before pulling back. "I… you're here? In peds? Wasn't urology your thing?" He shrugged and she inspected him closely.

"Yeah. I'm supposed to be meeting Matthew. He has a case in peds." An uneasy smile was shared. "The guy specializing in peds, he isn't great," the ginger admitted and the smile dropped off Emily's face. "He's not Tom."

"Oh." And a wall instantly rose between them. She saw the weary lines carved into his face, the weight of his smile. Bringing her left hand up to brush stray wisps behind her ears, Emily looked away.

"Congratulations," Davin added awkwardly and hazel eyes flicker back to blue ones. "On your marriage. I didn't know."

"A lot has changed," she told him. "My son is in the daycare." It wasn't an easy choice but Theresa had a packed day.

"That's good. I'm happy for you," he murmured and she nodded. "I wish you came more often but I know it's still hard." Davin looked lost of words. He was the one who wasn't the closest with Tom but still, grief marked his face.

"Yeah." She looked to her shoes, scuffing them against the polished floor. "Who got Chief Resident this year?" Davin smiled, the topic more familiar and he seemed to glow with pride.

"Matthew did."

"That's good. That's really good - he deserves it."

"I'm guessing you got it in Seattle," he said. Emily didn't answer and the ginger shoved his hands into his pockets. "That's good that you're doing well, then. You'd be a good Chief Resident. Bossed us around more than enough while you were here."

"Ella did all the bossing," the woman said quickly and Davin cracked a genuine, humble smile. "I just supported her 'cause 'girl power' and she was almost always right."

"Absolutely disgusting." Sharing a quiet laugh, the two old friends just stared at each other before she turned to the counter, finger tracing circles along the smooth surface. "You had a reason to come here, didn't you?"

"I'm here to see Noah," she explained briefly. "But, I heard Ella doesn't work here anymore."

"She moved a bit after he died."

"Brigham's. Right." And her fingers got back to drumming. "Neuro?"

"Yeah." A beat. "What's the emergency?"

"Something private," she informed pithily. The woman chanced a glance at him. Davin looked pained. There was a time where she would've spilled everything at once but two years were two years, and they were two different people standing in the exact same place.

"Of course. Well, we're here if you need us. Matt and I," he clarified and she nodded again. The request would not be taken upon. Both of them knew that. It was something said out of common courtesy, out of honor for old friendship. Out of hope that maybe. Maybe there could be a chance for them to be friends again. "It's good to see you. For real." His finger ran over the side of the pen he held, close to clicking it but not really.

"Yeah, yeah, of course." And she replied just to finish it. To tie up the loose end.

"Dr. Olson, get back to work." There was her brother. Turning, she saw the man approach as Davin, with an almost wistful smile to Emily, left. "Hey, Emi." He opened his arms and she ran into them like she was still a kid and instantly settled in easily.

"No'." And she squeezed his waist tightly. A sense of calm fell over her as he pulled back and she tucked strands of hair behind her ear. "Are we going to do this or not?" she breathed deeply and he brushed a thumb over her cheek before wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"Together," he promised and she smiled weakly. Leaning on him, arm around his waist, she nodded. "Come on." The Moore siblings made their way up to the room but Noah lead the way. He knew the maze better than she. When they reached the room, she saw someone standing outside and her heart instantly skipped beats. A man stood, taller than her but shorter than Noah with a head full of thick black hair and a complexion as tan as hers. There was the beginnings of a beard and he looked exhausted, worn out.

His arms were crossed and when he heard footsteps, he looked up. She blinked, taken aback.

"Andrea, she is calling for you," an accented voice called and a new head popped out of the room. Thick, tumbling brown curls attached to a sunshiny face and wide, expressive eyes. Oh, hello. Dr. Moore." The woman came out completely.

"Carina. Andrew. This is my sister, Dr. Moore. She's one of the best ortho residents I've ever seen." Emily glared at her brother half-heartedly but did stick out a hand which Andrew took first.

"Andrew. DeLuca," he added as an afterthought and she smiled fakely before Carina took her hand. "This is my sister," the man continued with a slight grievance in his tone like his sister was being her usual annoying self.

"Carina DeLuca. Andrea, go in," she reminded her brother who did so. "Sorry. Is there anything you wanted to update us on?" Emily noted her sunny smile, her bright eyes. Like her mother, but not completely hers. Just slight differences where you could tell they weren't related, but maybe that was just Emily's wishful thinking.

"Emily knows Mrs. DeLuca. We haven't seen her for a while so if you could just give us some privacy?"

"Sì. Of course. I will go see where my father is." Emily felt her hackles rise as Carina walked past with another grin. She didn't react; Noah's firm grip was keeping her planted. This was okay, this was fine. She was fine. Noah gave her to the count of three before opening the door. Andrew was sitting on the bed, talking casually in Italian but stopped as soon as they entered.

"We'd like a word," Noah spoke in that voice. The one that he used in the army, the one he used in the O.R. Cool, professional, but still, there was a possibility of giving way to the red hot magma under the thin ice.

"Of course. Where's Carina?" Emily refused to look at the bed. She refused to acknowledge the person there.

"Looking for Mr. DeLuca." She found it in her to respond, surprising her. Andrew nodded and tried to smile.

"Alright. Call me if you need me, Mom."

"Of course, Andrea." Andrew left the room and the door clicked with a soft shut as Noah crossed his arms. Emily finally looked up, forcing herself to look in the direction. She looked, but she tried not to see.

It was an impossible feat.

"Milly." And immediately she felt years of anger, desperation and loneliness come to bite her in the ass.

"I'm sorry, what?" Daggers for eyes, Emily Moore stood an effigy of fury as she glared at her estranged mother. "Sorry. Dad cheats on you, you leave two kids alone and you get to come back with a new family. Yeah, I don't think so." She laughed bitterly and Noah did not reign her back as he normally would. And she knew why. He felt exactly the same way. Perhaps worse. Perhaps better. Emily could not give him a second thought when she stood before the woman who dared to call her by that name.

"Milly-"

"You don't get to call me that." She cut through the air with her arm. "You lost that right."

"Emily London Moore!" At this, Emily nearly flinched. It was the tone of a mother who ruled the household with an iron fist. The tone of a woman who she no longer knew. "You don't speak that way-"

"No! You don't get to control me anymore. I am thirty-four. I'm a surgeon. I grew up without you and I've been fine so far. You do not get to act as if you have any kind of authority over me." Her voice cracked like a whip. "I came here to make sure you were even alive. To see how sick you are for myself."

"Em-" The brunette gazed at her brother, blind for a moment. "What do you see?" he asked and Emily turned cold, dead eyes to her mother.

"Nothing. I don't see… anything." Noah smiled emptily and she turned to the door. "I'm going to pick up Everett. He probably doesn't like Boston." Returning her eyes the woman she had called her mother once, she offered her most ironic smile she could muster whilst keeping herself together. "I know I don't."

The sound of the door clicking closed was somehow louder than the slam of the door she knew would've rattled her bones.

.

"Come on, sweetheart."

Emily sighed as Everett cooed and burrowed his face deeper into her shirt to sleep. She had come at the worst time, when nap time was just starting, and she had promised her son that she'd be as quiet as possible. Unfortunately, that meant wrapping him in his baby carrier and that meant drool. So far, she was dry but she wasn't prepared for the slobber. Waiting in the elevator, she watched the floor lights change as she burrowed through the diaper bag for a towel.

The elevator doors opened and she backed into the corner as a swarm of people came in. Returning her gaze to her bag, she finally pulled out a blue towel, carefully dabbing at herer son's chin before letting her arm drop, keeping it firmly in her grasp in case she needed it. The doors closed once more and they continued on the way down to the lobby.

Another floor passed. Third floor. That was the ortho wing. Her home away from home. Once. The cafe was also on this floor and everyone flooded out, only another coming in. She was surprised to see Andrew but he gave her a smile.

"Hey."

"Hello." She smiled tightly, "Where's Carina?"

"With Dad. I wanted to walk around a bit," he said, shrugging. "Is that your son?" Nodding, she pushed off the wall and came closer. Everett was sleeping soundly and Emily cradled him protectively.

"Yeah, his name's Everett," she replied, "I had him just over three months ago."

"He's cute. Looks a lot like you," he remarked and her smile, though it shrunk, was genuine. "Are you a doctor as well?"

"Can't have a famous doctor brother without being a surgeon yourself," she confirmed and he rubbed the back of his neck. "How about you?"

"I'm in my third year of university. Planning to get into med school though." Doctors must run in the family, she mused as the doors opened. "Do you work here? Dr. Moore didn't tell me much about you."

"I used to. I work at Seattle Grace now." They exited the lift and walked through the pit. With no destination in mind now, Emily simply went where her heart wanted to.

"So you work with Derek Shepherd? And Mark Sloan? I heard he's working on a clinical trial." Emily nodded. Facial reanimation. It was already something but he wanted to improve it. Shorten the recovery time, gain more mobility on patients with facial paralysis. Or did he mean Derek, who had lost his clinical trial and was now under F.D.A investigation?

"Yeah."

"It must be amazing, working with so many world-class surgeons."

"Believe me, it's not always fun living with one," she retorted. "Mark, my husband," she clarified, "is an attending and I'm Chief Resident. It's hard to maintain family life but we manage it well. Surgeons have crazy hours so you might want to think twice." Andrew chuckled to himself as she added, "The lives we save make it worth it though."

"Cool," he breathed. "I normally live in Seattle but when I heard Mom was in the hospital, I had to come over."

"Oh, really?" He glanced at her and she arched an eyebrow at him. She noted several similarities between them. The hair, the nose. His hand fiddled with a pen. How could she just notice now? "It's good to see she's okay."

"How do you know her?" Her breath hitched and she chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I lived in the US when I was a kid with her but my dad and my sister live in Italy. Carina is my half-sister - her mom died when she was young. We only have the same dad but we were pretty close growing up so I know most of her friends and my dad's friends. Even though she's like thirteen years older than me. But I was just wondering."

"We're… family friends." Hazel eyes meet brown. They go up a flight of stairs and Emily realized that her feet are guiding her back to the lobby. Family… she wondered if that word meant anything to her mother. Andrew was only in his third year of university. Wait…

Her eyes widened.

"Andrew, how old are you?"

"Twenty. Why?" He was startled by the sudden question but didn't say anything as she tried to work through everything. School break, her father's things all gone, her mother crushed by the implications, her brother, murderous. That was when she was eighteen. She left for the Big Apple for university… two years later, her mom was gone. And she was, though not by definition, an orphan. She had no idea where her parents where. Her brother was shipped off seas.

But her mom had been alive. Emily had been twenty by her second year when she disappeared. If, by some stretch, she had managed to give birth to Andrew…

The stretch was Andrew should be fourteen at the oldest. He should be twenty years younger than her instead of fourteen.

Bile clawed up her throat. Swallowing hard, she looked at Andrew who was staring straight ahead, an easy smile on his face as they reached the lobby.

Carina is my half-sister. We only have the same dad but...

… only have the same dad.

I normally live in Seattle but when I heard Mom was in the hospital, I had to come over.

...when I heard Mom was in the hospital…

"Excuse me," she suddenly exclaimed. "It was nice talking to you, I… I just have to talk - talk to someone." Andrew gave her a bewildered look, opening his mouth to pursue. "I'll… I'll see you around." Turning on her heel, she walked until she was around the corner and peered around. Andrew was still standing there, slightly bewildered before he shrugged, going to walk the opposite direction. Leaning against the wall, she held Everett to her chest. The baby squirmed, grabbing a fistful of her hair before letting go and bringing his fist to his chest.

Sweet baby, you have no idea what life is like. Looking around, she saw the corridors where Tom's laugh used to echo and her heart ached as if the wound were fresh. His vibrant smile, floppy hair. To be here again, she'd been so caught up with her mom to even realize how dull it seemed without him. Sliding down until she sat, her knees coming close to her chest to support Everett even more, she pressed her forehead against the sleeping infant's.

Her phone was vibrating. Her damn phone. Managing to get it out of her pocket, she answered with a swift glance at the ID.

"Hey."

"Hey, Mer," she muttered, resting her head against the wall. The hallway was empty, leading to a supply closet, and she got up, walking in and locking the door. She sat down on a receptacle, letting the diaper bag fall to the ground.

"Mark wanted me to check up on you while he's in surgery."

"How's his dad?" she asked, nervous. Meredith sighed, pausing for a moment.

"Bailey's referred him to oncology and they're deciding on whether or not to remove the tumor before treating it with chemo. Mark won't talk about it but I think Derek'll get something out of him. Him or Callie."

"I wish I was there," the brunette murmured under her breath. "Mer…"

"Yeah?"

What do you do when you realize your mom cheated on your dad first? "Nothing." She cleared her throat. "Tell Mark I'm doing fine. I'll Skype him later tonight."

"Yeah. Kepner's not doing a bad job at Chief Resident, by the way."

"Really?"

"No. She's doing horrible. But she'll pull through." Chuckling, she hung up. She could imagine the redhead frantically trying to get people's attention. The smile fell off her face though, when she realized the situation she was in. The revelation, that maybe her father did it in retaliation of what her mother did…

Running a hand over the screen of her phone, she inhaled deeply. What did she do now? She wished Tom was here. He'd know what to do. Which may have included ranting and drinking. Everett began to squirm and she dropped the phone into her bag. Pure blue eyes cracked open, muddy with sleep and she smiled as genuine as she could.

"Hey, baby," she whispered and he yawned, toothless mouth wide open. "Our family's a mess, you know that? I mean, I'm sitting in a hospital where my dead best friend used to work at. I don't even work here and I'm in their supply closet." He gazed at her, utterly confused, and she kissed his forehead. "But it's okay. I love you."

No response, as expected.

Well, it wasn't like she was busy. So she held it together until she was back home. The woman played with Everett for a while, watching him raise his head and roll over onto his back to try and reach his feet. When he had tuckered himself out, she put Everett to sleep to resume his nap. Only then did she sit on the couch, phone cradled in her hands.

Mark Sloan.

The caller ID lit up her screen before she could do anything. Picking up, she finally felt the drama and exhaustion piling on her like a set of heavy weights. Fuck.

"Hey. Meredith told me something was wrong." How clever. Thankful she had friends like this, Emily tried to keep her tone steady.

"Mark, I… I-"

"I'm here. I have time," he whispered over the other end of the phone.

Her throat bruised, the first tears began as her words ended. "She cheated first."

A/N: Edited - December 1, 2018

Next: Updates in Seattle and more about her mom.