Chapter 64

"I have to go Calen.It would be foolish not to. "

He finally turned to look at me. And I could see that he was fighting a silent battle with himself. And he had that look that he always wore when he was thinking of ways to challenge you, to try and make you view things from his own point of view. But my mind was already made up. 

" That's so far, " he shocked me by saying. Then he sat down next to me and placed his elbows on his knees, burying his face in his hands .

" It's better than going back home, " 

He agreed with me on that, but then he scoffed and looked at me. 

" You lied. " 

I regretted having done so, he said something to himself and I didn't quite get it. But what I did get was that he was still angry... disappointed even. I reached out in an attempt to touch him but then he stood. And I was on the verge of telling him to see reason when he turned on his heels and shot me a serious look. Then he went ahead and said, " I'll come with you, " 

I refused. I had known that he would want to do that. Decide to sacrifice himself and his wishes for the sake of what we had. 

" You can't do that. "

" Of course I can! I want to, "

" You can't just forsake your plans and move all the way to Argentina, that wouldn't be fair to you. "

" That is the most selfish thing I have ever heard J.R!" 

He was getting worked up and I hated that I had a part to play in that. 

" I am thinking about you, your interest, "

" I don't want you to think about me, I NEED you to think about US... enough bloody sacrifices, you've spent way too much time on the cross and now you don't want to get off it because you're scared of what the earth feels like. " he finally snapped. I couldn't tell him anything in return, I was busy thinking about what he had just said. Those words stuck with me and refused to leave my mind. I hated how true they sounded, I hated how guilty they made me feel. 

" I won't let you make this choice, it's not for you to decide how it'll end. Anything I choose to do will be because I want to. "

And with that he left. I was afraid of what he was planning to do, I already knew but part of me felt as if I were dragging him along in my complicated life. Like I was forcing him to dessert his identity because he loved me with fierceness. 

But I knew Calen, and once his mind was made up there was no changing it. 

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CALEN'S POV

It had been more of betrayal than anything else at first. But then once I sat down to think about it I realized that in his own strange way, J.R had refused to tell me because he actually cared. That was a sacrifice. But he was wrong. 

He was wrong to think that I would have been willing to stay back in London when we had a chance. I didn't care how far he would go, I would always be there, as long as I could follow him then I gladly would. After leaving his room I went back to my own quarters and sat down. Then I took out my phone and held it in my hand. I was already enrolled in the University of London since my parents liked to plan my life ahead and ensure that I wouldn't have a reason to disturb them while they were working. But this time I chose to get over my ego and call the one person that could help me out. 

I called my father, I held the phone to my ear and heard it as it rang on the other end. But then there was no reply. Sighing defeatedly, I ran my hand over my face and tossed the phone in my hand. Then I started to wonder what else I could do, I would have called my mother but over the last two years all she wanted to talk about was my feelings and my state of mind. And I needed someone who would listen to me first and help me without demanding answers and explanations. 

I had almost given up when the phone rang, I looked over at it and saw my dad's name. Relieved, I quickly reached over and took a deep breath before I picked the call. That would be the first time we talked in almost three years. 

There was silence on the other end before he called out to me. 

" Dad?.....I need your help, " I almost whispered. Deciding to get straight to the point. 

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That evening I heard a knock on my door and opened it up to find J.R holding a trey of food. 

I stepped aside and let him through. He walked over to my bedside table and placed the trey there, then without a word he unlocked the doors to my balcony and walked out, he knew that I would follow behind him and I did. Standing beside him and looking out at the trees that now looked more like shadows, the twigs blowing in the wind.

" I don't want to fight with you, I can't, " he confessed. His voice portraying his exhaustion. I moved closer and placed my hand on his on the railing. I could tell he didn't want to talk about our earlier argument and so I decided to let it be. 

" I love you, " I said because he seemed as if he needed to hear it. He looked at me and in his eyes I saw nightmares crawling in the green. And he seemed as if he had been overthinking again. 

He parted his lips to speak but then no words came out, and I watched as he turned back to the dark view and narrowed his eyes. Then he swallowed and closed his eyes. 

" There was this man, my father found him. Dafiq was his name.." he began. Then he chuckled sadly and shook his head. I didn't talk because I knew he only wanted me to listen. 

" Have you ever heard of a cleanse?" He asked and answered it immediately after. 

" It's when a person who is deemed right and righteous by society attempts to pull out the roots of evil implanted inside you. "

I already felt as if I had heard enough. I didn't think I had the strength to bear listening to everything he had to say, I wanted him to tell me but now that he was I feared that I would never be able to unhear those words. To unsee those images from my head. But he wanted to talk and so I would listen, because apart from me there was no one else he could confide in concerning the matter. 

I stood there and I silently listened to everything that he told me, even though I felt like asking him to stop. And I had to endure picturing the state he had been in, he tried to be strong as he talked, saying the words with almost no emotion in them, but I saw through them. And I finally understood the reason behind his fear. Even then he was still afraid, and I had a feeling that the fear would never cease, like it was now a permanent part of who he was. 

Shifting, I stood behind him and wrapped my hands around him from that angle. He leaned back against me and finally stopped talking. I was secretly grateful. And I wondered how he expected me to just let him go, to forget that we had been.

I didn't care whether I could hop on a plane and visit him. I didn't want to dream of him and wake up to call him and hear his voice, I wanted to think about him and to miss his touch and just turn around and find him standing there. 

That's what I wanted. 

It's what I needed. 

" Are you really planning on going with me?" he suddenly asked and I told him that I was, and that he shouldn't try and change my mind because it was already made up. But instead of doing that he looked up and over his shoulder at me and tried to conceal his smile. 

" Are you sure?" 

I rolled my eyes and kissed him.And I told him I had never been more sure about anything in my entire life, and in the next two or so minutes I watched as he finally let himself accept my decision. And after he had done so he couldn't stop smiling. 

" Besides, you need someone to help you communicate. And I just happen to be fluent in Spanish. "

" What makes you think I don't know Spanish?"

I frowned and he caught the expression and laughed. Then he shook his head and told me that he was joking.

" It's such a pity though, I can speak four different languages apart from English but Spanish isn't one of them, "

" Is that your way of letting me know you can speak five languages?" 

He turned around and hugged me. 

" You know me too well. And I love you too. "