Chapter 60

CALEN'S POV

I shall never forget.......

That instance when I thought I was dreaming, when I was certain I was playing with the stars. When my mind heard and comprehend what was being said to me but it refused to acknowledge it as the truth. When my protective instincts took over and warned me against building those sandcastles in the rough wind. 

I can't pinpoint the time it had been. I remember none of the blurry details of everything that had occured before this young student that was passing by me told me news I feared to believe.

He had been a junior not older than thirteen. And I had assumed it was a trick, that he was one of those young kids who liked juggling with people's hearts for their own gratification. But then he hadn't seemed as if he was joking.

" Hey, he's back, " was all he had said as he passed casually by me. I was seated on the staircase of the Shores building trying to go through some notes for the following day's tests. Standing,I had called him out before he disappeared from view. My rapid heartbeat sounded deafening to my own ears. 

And until he clarified I held my breath, or rather, I forgot to breathe.

Shrugging, the boy looked at me over his shoulder, " That close friend of yours, you know, the smart one, " 

My throat felt dry. My body was suddenly consumed by a blast of heat. The notebook in my hand fell but I didn't realize it. 

" Wh..where?" I managed to ask. Holding onto the railing when I almost tripped and fell down the flight of stairs. 

" I saw him walk into the principal's office, "

I turned around and took the stairs two at a time. Past the many hallways I ran, taking the corners out of instinct because my mind wasn't on the path, it had already arrived to where he was. 

There was no exhaustion. I slammed into other students twice, but I never stopped. I was desperate, anxious, longing. And when I finally arrived at the administration building I slowed down. My breathing came in rugged breaths and I felt it as a trickle of sweat made it down my temple. I'd take one step forward and I'd feel all these forces as they slammed into me in an attempt to push me back. And I was aware that if it turned out to be nothing but a lie then I would hunt that student down and make him regret having torn my already shredded heart apart. 

But the instance I got to the principal's door I knew it was true. 

His scent hit me like a bloody bullet to the chest. One breath and suddenly he was everywhere, engraved to my mind. I knew it was him. I completely lost the ability to move, before his grand entrance into my life I had never thought such a thing possible, to be so affected by someone that he completely altered your senses,your reasoning and your physical responses.

I stood there, staring at the thick slamb of timber and from a distance I managed to catch a hint of his soft voice. I dug my hands into my hair and struggled to not just walk in. I needed to be in there, to confirm for myself whether he was real or if I had just lost my mind and fell from the fringes of reality that I had been holding on to. 

I couldn't stay still,I paced the space and ran my hand over my face, about two minutes passed by while I fought to control myself from doing something that would be termed as inappropriate. And I wondered how much longer I would be forced to stay there and suffer with my anxious need.

Less than a minute later I reached for the knob and turned it. My mind wasn't working as it should and I was starting to disconnect from the present. 

The instant I walked into the office every other detail faded. He was all I could see. 

He looked up at me with green eyes I feared I'd never get to see again. And I gazed at him like I was seeing him for the very first time. 

" Calen," he whispered my name in a voice that hid torment, that was soaked in pain. Then slowly he stood and I watched as he flattered his lashes closed in that beautiful way of his. I watched a million thoughts...a million words as they flashed across his face in the span of a second. The principal called my name but I ignored him. 

I needed him closer, I needed to feel him. My fingers ached to dance on his skin to hear the music that was his sweet voice. 

Looking around I wondered who else was with him, whether his father was also around. And when I saw no sign of him I turned to the principal with the aim of asking for some time, fearing he'd refuse and ask me to wait till they were done. 

I hear that love shouts, one can look into another's eyes and they can clearly hear their desperation, in this case the principal saw mine. 

" You have ten minutes, " he said. Then I watched as he huffed out a breath, shook his head and stepped out of the room. 

When he finally shut the door I didn't know what to do or say, so I just stood there and I LOOKED at him. Dressed in faded jeans and a jacket. And a baseball cap on his head, I noted the change before he even took it off. 

" Your father..." I said and he shook his head,then he took one step towards me and told me he was alone. 

" Calen, " he called to me once again, his voice sounded broken. It was like a cry for help, like he was trying to tell me something but didn't want to use words because he prayed I would understand either way.

I did understand. 

I basically run to where he was and I wrapped him up in my arms, holding onto him tight because I feared he might slip away and disappear once again. My J.R dug his hands into the skin of my back, his head tucked into my neck. The jacket he had on felt like a barrier and somehow my hand swiftly found a way to both unzip and slip it off him. He understood my craving for that particular contact. I leaned back a bit to look at his face, at the perfectly smooth contours that seemed to lack a piece of the boy I had fallen in love with. I took of his cap and let it fall to the ground where his jacket lay, my eyes flicking to his hair for a second before I cupped his cheek gently and pressed my forehead to his. 

Still no words came. His hand slipped into the back of my shirt, his equal need to feel my skin almost driving him mad. And when he couldn't get as much contact as he required, he undid my first two buttons and laid his palm flat on my chest. On my heart. 

Then he closed his eyes and a tear made its way down his cheek. It made my heart began to bleed. 

We stayed in that position for the longest while before he wrapped both his arms around my neck and snuggled closer.

He refused to let go. 

" I love you, do you understand that J.R? I love you!" 

I felt him nod and sniffle back a cry, his hands fisting into the back of my shirt as if he intended to rip the fabric apart. 

Kissing the top of his head I had to force him to let go because I needed to look at him. To affirm that he was there and that my imagination wasn't playing games with me. 

" Are you staying?" 

I had to know whether he'd leave again in a few hours...a few minutes. Whether he had simply returned to take his things with him. 

He nodded and I sighed out of relief. I saw the tiny details, the hair was the most obvious but I saw the other things as well. I saw the lip that had healed from a cut. I saw the defensive shield he had created around himself. 

What had they done to him?!!

But I wasn't going to ask, I wasn't going to carve out the old wounds with a scorching knife before they healed. 

I reached for his hands and made him lock his fingers together,then I wrapped my own around them and held on tight. 

" You look slightly taller than I remember, " I joked and he gifted me with a smile. But it cut through me. It was coated with sorrow and heartache. He hadn't said anything other than my name and I was dying to hear his voice. Reaching up I ran my fingertips through his hair. It was still as dark, still as soft,but my hands could no longer disappear into the strands. I could no longer use them to angle him to look up at me. 

" Your doing?" I asked and he shook his head. I wanted to hear nothing more about that, but I needed him to finally say something. 

" I rather like it. It's different. "

He stayed quiet for a moment, then he scoffed and shook his head. 

" You're just saying that, I know you are, "

Finally. The words washed through me, assured me he was real.

" You're right. I am.....I loved your hair. "

He smiled almost shyly and then he rested his forehead on mine once more. I heard him take in a breath and let it out. 

" I know you did, it's just hair, It'll grow back, "

His eyes fell to my lips. And before I could respond he suddenly kissed me, slow and deep. I relished in the moment,and when he broke the kiss he still maintained the intimate distance. Then he looked into my eyes and I saw a small part of the J.R I had known before it all fell apart. He smiled at me, the sweetest of all smiles. 

" I always suspected you loved me for my looks, " 

It was an almost whisper, with his eyes still digging into my own and the tip of his nose touching mine. I laughed a pained laugh. 

" I love you for you My J.R. You could grow permanently bald and I'd still be hopelessly enthralled. " 

That was nothing if not the pure truth. He slightly drew back and began buttoning up my shirt.

" We could always shave yours..." he looked up at me with the tears already dried and added, " That way we'll match. "

I bent down and picked the two pieces of clothing we had discarded to the floor, and when I stood to hand them over I shook my head. 

" I'm not that hopelessly enthralled I'm afraid, " I told him in reference to his statement. He licked his lips and took the cap and jacket with one hand, then he held onto mine with the other. 

" You complete me Calen Silverstein.I surely hope you understand that. "

My love roared to life, and like a dried oasis my heart was once more flooded with it.