Chapter 48

CALEN'S POV

While I swam my sixth or so lap I was no longer relying on energy. That was long gone. I was rather relying on dreams. I used them to dive in, I used them to move in the pool. 

Those same dreams were to me like an aura of liquid gold. 

And into the deep silent waters I was immersed. I knew that by the time I left that place I'd be in agonizing pain. That my limbs and every muscle I possessed would be screaming in pain. But at the moment I didn't care. The dreams were my adrenaline, my driving force. My boost to go on. 

And I survived on those dreams until I couldn't anymore. Because thinking about my J.R was a poison,and I had drank it a bit too much. Eventually it began to affect me. I was in the middle of the pool, about to finish my eleventh lap when those conversations in the dark and those hopes that rode to infinity finally pulled me down. It was a conscious choice that I made. I couldn't blame the fatigue. I stopped , and I let myself slowly sink.

I closed my eyes. I wasn't drowning, but I didn't want to go on. I didn't have it in me to do so, so for just a little while I allowed myself to stop. 

To not breathe! Because each time I took in a breath all I could smell was him. He smelt like love, my JR. The things I'd do to be able to have him back. Because our love wasn't like a name written in the sand by the sea. Just one wave wasn't enough to wash it away. It burnt me, this love of ours was constantly wrapping its gentle hand around my neck and chocking me till I saw the end of what we could have been. 

That morning I had had to address the school during the assembly in the auditorium. A task I had carried out countless times before. 

But I couldn't do it. 

I stood there, Infront of all those people and suddenly my throat felt dry and my hands began to shake, and I sought his green eyes amongst the crowd but never quite found them. There had been a number of green eyes, but none of them had been patiently woven by emeralds and kindness. None of them hummed with understated warmth .

None of them had been his. 

And so I had slowly walked out of there on unsteady legs. Feeling claustrophobic and powerless. Lost despite knowing exactly where I was.

I have no clue how long I was in the still water of the pool , but suddenly I was pulled out. Choking and unable to clearly see, I looked around me and the first person was Oliver. And next to him was the polo instructor. Mr. Harrison I believed. 

I coughed out water that I had no recollection of taking in, then I laid on my back and felt everything began to spin. 

" What the bloody hell Calen! You trying to kill yourself now?!" A drenched Oliver asked. Shouted rather. Sounding half angry and half worried. I couldn't speak. That wasn't me, I had never been so weak and that was a version of myself even I had never come across. 

" I sensed something was off this morning, when you just walked out on the entire school looking as pale as I'd ever seen you, " M.r Harrison added. I could hear them but I wasn't listening. 

" It's a heartbreak Calen, not the end of the fucking world!" Oliver added and M.r Harrison called him harshly and warned him about the language he was using. 

When I had finally recovered enough to talk I looked at both of them in turn, not liking how worried they seemed. I hadn't been trying to end my life, that was plainly absurd. Because over a week ago my life had exited those gates without the chance to utter a goodbye. 

" You trying to tell me you're like this because of a girl?" The polo instructor asked and I slowly sat up, gratefully accepting the towel Oliver handed me and using it to dry myself. Then afterwards, with the towel clutched in my hand I looked Mr. Harrison in the eye and shook my head. 

" No Sir, " ..I told him, " I'm like this because of my JR, "

He looked confused, but then Oliver cleared out the confusion by explaining what I meant.

" Jerald he means. That's why I brought you to him, if anyone knows what happens it's Calen over here, " Oliver finished off. Then he looked down at his drenched uniform and sighed. 

" Now if you'll excuse me, I'll leave before I catch a cold. "

I watched him as he left, then I stood up and turned to Mr. Harrison who seemed to be deep in thought. I looked at his version of a suit, the pants dark and the coat brown...then my eyes fell to the large envelope in his hand and I wondered what this was all about. 

" How may I be of assistance?" I asked, jogging him back to the present.

As expected,he wanted to know where his star player had disappeared off to. His prospects of ever winning again had just dropped by I tremendous amount I assumed. 

" You'll have to consort with the principal on that, "

" I already have. The bloody bastard won't tell me anything!" 

I forced a weak smile, recalling how he'd literally just scolded Oliver for his selection of words. 

" And I'm afraid neither can I, "

He placed the back of his hand on his forehead and looked up at the empty space. Crinkles forming on the corners of his grey eyes when he momentarily closed them. Then he huffed out a breath. 

" Okay, I'm going to assume that the kid's whereabouts is a great secret....but can you at least give me the address?"

" I honestly don't have it, "

It was most likely a castle built on thorns and spikes, intended to suck life from all those who dwelled inside. 

" Christ, " the teacher muttered under his breath. Then I watched him as he turned around hopelessly before facing me once again. 

" I'm sorry, I don't need to pry but could I know why you're searching for him?" 

He just shook his head and asked me to let it be. I looked at the envelope in his hand and managed to make out Jerald's name. 

" This parcel arrived for him, but oh well, he's not here so.." he casually stated and finished off with a shrug. I grew interested and asked what it was for but still he refused to share. Pointing to the words underneath Jerald's name on the envelope that read " Private and Confidential "

I was itching to know but I didn't push it past that. 

" The kid's rich, isn't that so?" He asked and I frowned, but he didn't let me answer.

" Of course he is, he studies here, " he concluded for himself. Then he arched both his brows and looked at me. 

" I suppose he doesn't really need this, now that he's not even here, " 

Turning on his heels, he started to walk away. But then I called out to him and he turned back around. 

" What if you give it to me and I promise to ensure it reaches him?" 

He pondered on the thought, moving his head from side to side. 

" Safely?" he asked and I nodded. 

" And you won't unseal it either?"

" You have my word. "

He looked at the envelope in his hand then I watched him walk back to me and he handed it over. 

" I trust you, " he said before he proceeded to walk away. And I watched him as he did so, his hands tucked into his pockets and his head bowed. Then he stopped again and slowly turned towards me once more.

" You know, that's never really the solution, " he said, casually gesturing to the pool. I understood what he meant but I wanted to clear out the confusion.

" I wasn't trying to kill myself, "

" Are you certain? It sure looked that way to me...you're the captain of the swim team, correct? "

I nodded. 

" Then I'm convinced that whatever we walked into was an intentional act. Listen kid, " he suddenly turned into the polo instructor. He saw a wrong move and couldn't help but correct it. Advice the student on the right way to tackle a situation.

" At my age I know a thing or two about heartache, trust me. And the only way to get past it is to accept the outcome and move on. That's it, that's the ONLY way. "

He said it so casually, but somethings were easier said than done. And what he wanted me to do was impossible. 

I thanked him because it was the polite thing to do. Then I watched him as he walked out the exit and his footsteps disappeared. Walking over to the lounge chairs I took a seat. Realizing that I had to get my act together. I had to somehow find a way to carry through and act unaffected. 

But before that, I had to make sure the parcel got safely to Jerald. 

It was Friday, so tomorrow I'd wake up early and drive to the post office. Then I'd call Aliyah and ask her to find a way to get it to him unnoticed. I had given my word to Mr. Harrison that I would not unseal it. And my word was my bond. I was desperate to do so but I wouldn't. It was meant for Jerald, and so I'd ensure he got it .