Chapter 27

I could feel his smile, and it made me smile as well. I held him as close to me as I could that night. And finally he drifted off to sleep, but I still wasn't sleepy. So I resulted to watching him, and doing so filled me with calm like I had never known. 

I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to close my eyes and then wake up and realize that it was tomorrow. But I eventually did.

According to the school's rules we were supposed to all report back on the instructed date by seven p.m. And we took advantage of that time since it was only a two hour drive back. We showered together and after J.R prayed we made pancakes and he taught me how to make his tea. The kind I loved. 

Then we sat on the back porch and ate as we watched the sunrise. 

" I lost my watch, " he said. And when I asked him when he shrugged and told me he had no clue when and where he had lost the timepiece. 

" We'll search for it before we leave. I'm sure it's somewhere around here. " He simply nodded. 

He seemed so deep in thought suddenly. And it made him appear almost gloomy. I was about to ask him what was wrong when he spoke. 

" We must really not love ourselves, otherwise we wouldn't be jumping off planes with the knowledge that we would eventually hit the ground and die. "

I placed my mug down and reached out for his hand because I just needed to feel it. 

" It pains me that out of all the metaphors you could have chosen you picked one that ends in such tragedy. "

" I picked the most relatable one, and the one closest to reality as well. "

" I'm afraid I don't share in your thoughts. "

I gazed back at the sun rising in the horizon and at the many trees that were still wet with dew. 

" I think we love ourselves just enough to want to explore every depth of this...." I searched for the right word to use. One that wouldn't scare him. But in the end it was he who finished the statement.

" This relationship? "

I chuckled at how casually he said it.

" Yes my J.R. This relationship. "

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We never found my J.Rs watch. But that might be because we only searched for it for twenty minutes before we gave up. 

It seemed like a waste of time..no pun intended.

According to my calculations, we had approximately nine hours left before we had to be back at school, and those nine hours we wished to spend doing things we loved, things we would most likely not get a chance to do once we were back at school.

So we climbed a tall and steady tree while I recorded everything...his laugh, my laugh, his very sarcastic comments about how distinguished we must look and my equally sarcastic ones about how talented we were in the art of climbing.

" At least now I have a backup in case my writing doesn't go well, " I said while struggling to reach a certain branch and pull my weight up. I never quite caught it, because my J.R stopped, turned back and stretched his hand towards me. I clasped on to it and let him pull me up. Then afterwards, when we were both seated on the same branch side by side, he lay his head on my shoulder and sighed. 

Like he was letting out all the hopelessness built up inside him. Then he sat up and turned to face me. 

" I pray for courage..." was all he said. Then he shifted the conversation to an entirely different topic. And as he told me about this new book he had come across in my cabin, I was left thinking about his statement.

Those four letters he had just uttered and left unfinished. And then I thought about what he might want courage for. 

But there was no use of overthinking those thoughts, because we were fighting in a loosing game. We were drawing out our swords long past the required time, after the enemy had already struck at us over and over. 

It was depressing in its own way. The situation that is. Spending time and laughing with him while those dark thoughts lurked at the back of both our minds. 

And as the hours passed and it was finally time to return to school, I was filled with dread and apprehension. This churning feeling in my gut that almost made me sick. 

It was as a result of overthinking I guess. And it attacked me with vicious intensity. These horrible thoughts of possibly losing him, thoughts that weren't supposed to affect me as much as they were.

We covered the furniture, my hands shaking as I carried out the task. 

Then I asked him to go and shower while I packed. He didn't object.

The packing itself I carried out in a state of half focus, my heart was refusing to simply let the issue go. 

And it was fear.

It was pure heartbreaking fear.

The fear of losing him and of all our memories simply disappearing.

" If I had the will to change things I would. You know I would, " I suddenly heard his voice from the washroom door. He was standing there, a towel wrapped around his waist and this agonizing look on his beautiful face. 

I was seated on the bed, my fingers interlocked to keep them from shaking as they were.

He run a hand through his wet hair and turned to the side. Breaking the eye contact that was in that moment only making matters worse.

" I know, " I told him. Then I resumed to packing, placing our clothes in our suitcases with robotic movements.

" Goodness, what on earth is this? " he then asked in reference to the entire state we were in. Then he groaned and pressed his palms to his eyes. He actually seemed more undone than I. 

I heard his soft footsteps as he walked towards me, then he laced both his hands with mine and pressed his forehead to mine.

And while we were in that same position, it started raining. The heavy droplets sounding on the roof and blocking out any other sounds.

We both turned to look up in unison, then J.R wrapped a hand around my nape and said.

" Let's go back tomorrow Calen, what harm would it do?" 

He didn't say that because of the rain. It was because just like I, he didn't have it in him to accept that our little slice of heaven had ended. He looked at me expectantly, but there was also this part of his expression that was begging me to be the voice of reason. It wanted me to take a stand and tell him no, that we had to go back to school because it was inevitable so better to get it done with.

But reason was lost to me.

" Okay, we shall go back tomorrow. I'm the school representative afterall....you have no reason to fear. "

I smiled weakly at him and he returned it. 

 That evening we danced and played in the rain, the droplets falling on our faces. And I wrapped my hands around him because I needed to feel him against me. The ground smelt sweet as it often did after it rained.

And we kissed like our lives depended on it. Then afterwards we changed into warm clothes and cuddled by the fireplace.

Who would have thought that in its on way, that was the beginning of the inevitable end...

                              💮🌼💮🌼💮🌼 

Jeralds POV

 I let my feelings get the best of me when I asked Calen to let us stay back another day. But what choice did I have? 

He had looked so.... broken.

Shattered even.

And when it had started raining I took that as an excuse to buy more time with him away from the reality that haunted us.

But eventually our borrowed time ran out as well and we had to go back.

So at around eight the following day we locked the cabin door and set off. I took a picture of it on my phone, added it to the hundred others I had taken over the course of our stay there. But I knew that if I decided to study them all I would just end up feeling more depressed, so I saved that task for another day.

We got to school at ten fourty something...then we both headed to the administration office to report our return and have it recorded, as it was the rule.

Being in that place again felt wrong, but I had Calen with me. And that always managed to make me feel better. Despite where we were, having him by my side would always lighten my mood.