Chapter 26

When he finished playing he smiled at me. A genuinely heartfelt smile that was so like my J.R. , then he stared at his violin before looking at me and saying, 

" Calen Silverstein, I believe that I'd like to be a violinist.... professionally speaking. "

I chuckled. 

" I'm jealous, I thought your music was for my ears only. "

" And I thought your beautiful words were for my ears only as well. And then you went ahead and confessed to wanting to become a writer, a famous one at that. "

I widened my eyes in faked shock,he shrugged dismissively.

" Is this your idea of retaliation then?"

Rolling his eyes, he placed the violin back into its case.

" Think of it however you wish. But I will be a renowned violinist, I'll play at your book signing events and steal the spotlight from your writing."

" I believe I shall like that very much, " I confessed and he frowned at me.

" Because that implies you also dare to think of a future with me in it. "

He didn't say anything after that. And it marked the end of our light banter. 

Two days before the end of our break we decided to take a late night stroll in the woods. It was quiet, but not in the eery and haunted way. It was quiet in the way that we loved. The cool silence that was accompanied by this feeling of ease. We talked and joked freely that night.

He told me about his home and his family. And not just light mentions here and there but detailed explanations.

Tales I doubt he had ever told another person. And I liked that version of him, the happy one. We came to this small clearing where the grass wasn't too long. And he suggested we stay there for a while and stargaze, so we took off our costs and laid them on the ground, then we lied down and faced the sky. Our hands joined because lately it felt wrong to not have his hand in mine. 

" I want to own a secluded cabin one day as well. With a vegetable garden and a swing chair outside, " he said. His face turned towards me and this wishful look in his eyes. I hated the fact that he thought of his dreams as impossible. That to him they would forever be just that....dreams and nothing more.

" We already have the cabin part down J.R and the swing chair issue can easily be rectified but I don't know the first thing about vegetable gardens. Do you?"

He sensed what I was doing, I was placing him in my future again. And when I feared that he was going to close off again, he huffed out a breath and shook his head.

" Not a clue. But in case you've forgotten, I shall wish to remind you that there is such a thing as the internet. "

" Right. And if that doesn't help then we could always scatter seeds around aimlessly and hope for the best. "

He laughed his heavenly laugh. 

" I'm relieved you've never taken interest in any sort of farming activity Calen Silverstein. You're surprisingly unknowledgeable in such matters. "

As the minutes passed, I shifted and covered his body with mine.

" I live for your laugh my J.R, " I confessed. And I wished I'd get to hear it for much longer.

                            🌼💮🌼💮🌼💮

The day before our break ended we were cuddled on the couch watching a movie J.R had picked. 

It was this romantic tale that had captured almost all his attention. We were sharing a tab of ice cream with chocolate chunks mixed into it because neither of us could decide whether we wanted the ice cream or the chocolate. So we settled for both.

I watched how keen J.R was on the film and it amused me. And when it ended and the end credits rolled up the screen, I dared to make a mention of my observation.

" You're a romantic, " I said. J.R frowned and shook his head. Like I had never been more wrong in my life.

" No I'm not! "

" Of course you are. "

" And what makes you think that?"

Shrugging, I scooped a spoonful of ice cream and placed it on his neck, then I leaned down and licked it off his skin.

He shuddered.

" Everything, " I replied before repeating the action again.

" You like long walks by the river under a moonlit night, you listen to love poems with that longing look in your eyes. "

" That means nothing, you also like those things and--" I grazed his lobe and he kept quiet. Giving me a chance to continue.

" I'm certain you have fantasies of being treated out. Something simple yet sweet. You'd want him to plan a date secretly. A candlelit dinner and an expensive bottle of wine. You'd like the place to be silent so you could converse. He'd have trailed rose petals on the ground--" 

" Dry leaves, " J.R cut in. Shifting to face up so that I could look at him clearly.

" What?" 

" Dry leaves , " he repeated, " I'd prefer dry leaves to rose petals. I like the crispy sound they make when I step on them. And I don't want a candlelit dinner, I want a picnic in the middle of a flower field, they'd be winter blooming cherry blossoms, " he reached up and carved his hand around my nape before he went on, " The slight breeze would waft their scent in the air. We'd eat chocolate pieces and blueberry flavoured ice cream, and freshly baked muffins from ' Sweet Kareem's ' bakery. The person would--"

" He....say he JR. "

He paused and his eyes flickered from side to side. Then he took in a deep breath and fisted his hand in my T-shirt.

" He'd tell me how his day went and I'd do the same. Then I'd play for you on my violin. A special note meant for your ears only. " The last part was said as a whisper. A secret confession in the voice of a person who knew every emotion there was. 

I narrowed my gaze at him, trying to look composed despite the fact that my heart was racing with untold joy.

" Mine?" 

" Yes yours. Who else would I want to watch the sunrise with? "

I closed my eyes for a second and as usual all I saw was him. His eyes and his smile and his dimples and his hair that was darker than night. But I also saw something else. I saw a truth that I had been trying to push away for quite sometime. Yet there it was, it was one of those truths that one feels rather than knows.

And I felt it with every last fibre of my being.

I was in love with him.

                               💮🌼💮🌼💮🌼

That last night in the cabin my J.R and I made love. And nothing could compare to the ecstasy of that moment. His breath on my skin, his hands in my hair, his body against my own. I was already connected to him, I had been from the first moment I saw him. Our hearts had been secretly tied together. But this time the connection both seemed and felt more feral...more raw. And the sounds he made, those sweet moans and cries. They shall be forever stuck in my head. 

And while I slid in and out of him I thought about all the rules he had broken for the sake of us. Every custom he had gone against and the weight of the regret he would possibly feel one day. And that made me adore him even more.

And then I thought about my love for him. A feeling so refreshing and foreign that I had no clue of what to to with it. And I longed to tell him, but I knew that I never could. 

With each passing day our time together was coming to an inevitable end. And I always stopped those thoughts because I had still not accepted the fact that I had him for a specific amount of time.

After we both came I fell down on the bed, my eyes on the ceiling fan above. J.R moved closer and laid on my chest. 

I loved it whenever he did that.  

I could feel his heart still pounding against my skin, and his hair was now half wet with sweat and some strands were stuck on his forehead.

He had never looked more beautiful in my eyes.

" You're a bad influence Calen Silverstein, " he told me. His voice still short of breath.

" Why's that? "

He looked up at me, then he kissed my neck in the most intimate of ways.

" Because, for the very first time the thought of going to school doesn't appeal to me. "

I sighed. I also wasn't that excited about going back to Seville the following day. But it was one of those things we had no control over. So I simply rubbed his back and told him something I hoped would cheer him up. 

" I feel the same way, but as long as you're going to be there then I'll gladly go. "