Chapter 25

" You're worrying me Calen Silverstein, " I confessed. Listened to him huff out a breath and then felt his hand as he reached forth to cup my cheek. Then he trailed those same gentle fingers down and slowly began to undo my shirt buttons.

" Join me, " he said. And there was this need in the two words. An almost desperation. So I didn't even think twice about it. I took off my clothes and got in the tab, he pulled me towards him when I would have sat on the other side. So I ended up nestled between his legs. And the position made me feel like I truly was his. Mind and body and soul. Like we were linked by these forced so strong it was impossible to break them. 

Lying against him, I asked him what was wrong. And I was grateful when he didn't try to convince me it was nothing. He rather kept quiet, scooping up the water in his hands and emptying it in my hair. And we stayed like that for a while. The only sound in the room being the splashing water. Until he kissed the top of my head and held onto me.

" My parents bought me this place when I was fifteen. It was a birthday gift, just like the car. "

I turned and looked at him, and his eyes were still not with me. So I settled back down and let him tell me whatever he wished to.

" That photograph you saw...that was literally the last time we spent together. And I haven't realized how estranged we've been until now. "

" Where are they?" I risked asking.

" Work. They're always at work. My father is a general in the army and my mother is a research scientist. I had always been so proud of their achievements, but now I find myself wishing that they were teachers or bakers or anything of the sort. "

" You miss their company. " 

I felt him nod. 

" Have you tried telling them that, perhaps they look at you and see what everyone else sees. "

" Which is what exactly? "

" An intelligent and mature individual who has everything under control, who doesn't require much attention from his parents because he has it all figured out. "

" Is that really how you view me? "

That charm I was so find of was back in his tone. And I couldn't help but smile, I smiled because he sounded happy at least. 

And Calen Silverstein's joy was my joy.

" No. I personally view you as a pretentious teenager who is terrible at making shopping lists. But not everyone is as keen as I am. '

Chuckling, he grazed his fingers against my nipple and sucked on my neck. I leaned back and tried to get as close to him as I could. 

" I haven't seen them for close to three years my J.R , and I barely even know them anymore. Sometimes it feels as if I've forgotten their faces. "

I shifted to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck and getting closer until our foreheads touched. 

" You have me, " I whispered. Knowing that our time together was limited but not caring. 

And neither did Calen. With his palms on my back he fluttered his lashed closed. And then I heard him whisper just loud enough for me to hear.

" I have you."

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Calen's POV

By our third day at the cabin I had become accustomed to waking up beside him. And to watching him carry out his routines. 

I would wake up just to watch him pray, because whenever he did the room felt tranquil and calm. And he always looked so at ease. 

That nice Tuesday afternoon he suggested we actually use the grocery we bought and attempt to cook something. And I believe that was when I figured out just how much of a talented cook he actually was. 

He taught me how to make these tasty chicken samosas. And halfway through his lesson I just stopped to kiss him, and to confess how happy I was that he was with me. 

We made more than we could eat in a day and ended up storing the rest. Then we sat by the fireplace with a plateful of the delicacies. I sat up while he lay down and placed his head on my lap. He said he liked it when I threaded my fingers through his dark strands, claimed that it soothed him. So I did just that while I told him a poem I had not written down yet. One I hadn't even sat down to think about because I told it from the heart.

 " I stare into the compulsions that are your eyes and I dare to think of infinity. I dare to dream of a time never ending. I dare to place you in every one of my future fantasies. I know that I shouldn't be so daring, but then I steal a glance at the beauty that is your smile and I can't help but think of you as a gift. And as it often is with gifts, I don't want to share you. I neither want you to belong to the universe not to the people in it. The universe is a thief of beautiful things....and you my sweet J.R are the most precious of them all..." he stopped me before I could continue, placing a gentle finger on my lips to shush me. And in his eyes I saw emotions that were so raw they made my hands tremble in his hair. With a hand on his wrist I kissed his finger and placed it back down. Then I leaned down and captured his lips with mine. Something I had done countless times,but each time was like the first. 

From that angle the kiss felt more intimate, deeper and more meaningful. And he held onto me so tightly that any barriers I ever had broke. And after the kiss broke and we both struggled to catch our breaths, he reached up and cupped my cheek, then he whispered the words, " I'm a prince...."

For a second I thought it was a metaphor. That he was using it to explain something else. But then the silence that followed made me realize that he was in fact being very literal.

He slowly sat up, crossing his legs and digging a hand in his hair with more force than I thought necessary.  

" I'm a prince, " he repeated more firmly. Then he held my hand and squeezed it. It was his turn to be vulnerable, so I didn't interrupt him as he spoke. Rather I listened to his normally smooth voice that was now shaky. 

" I have responsibilities to fulfill. And my father has endless expectations Calen. I'm supposed to be the model son, I'm supposed to follow the customs..." he exhaled, and I could see the promise of tears in his eyes. A fact that shredded me inside. The things I would have done to take on his pain and make it my own.

He placed his palm on my chest and sought out my eyes. And I could see a thousand unsaid words in them. Including words I longed to hear but knew that I most likely never would. Instead he joined our hands again and raised them up, then he told me something that pained me to no end.

" I could get killed for this. "

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The world was truly a strange place. The rules that resided in it were equally strange. The line between right and wrong was shady. I wondered what exactly it was that allowed one to pass judgement on others because of something they had no control over. What gave them the right to label others as being flawed. But I suppose it's human nature to be scared of what doesn't seem to fit into ones ethics. 

To term it as wrong, inappropriate, unacceptable.....a sin.

I knew that at times it was wisest to let go of what hurts you. And the words uttered by J.R hurt me like nothing else ever had. They drained me until I wasn't able to tell him anything. So instead I did what he normally did in such situations, I diverted the subject.

" Can you do me a favor?" I asked and he simply nodded. 

" Play me something. "

He didn't object, on the contrary, he seemed grateful for the change of subject. He grabbed his violin and stood a few steps away from the fireplace. And I liked how the dim light of the fire made his skin turn golden. How it made his dark and thick lashes cast shadows on his cheekbones. How it made him look so much like the rare gem he was.

He played a song that we had heard on the trip to the cabin. One I had heard him hum to himself countless times since then. It was slow and heartfelt. And listening to him play.. WATCHING him play made me almost forget about the situation we were in. In that moment we were just two souls that were enjoying their time together with no worries about the future.