Chapter 18

I read and re-read the small paragraph, keeping my fingers on the pages once I was done and processing the information. It was around ten, And I had come here immediately after breakfast and searched for the title until I found it. I knew why Calen wanted me to read it. He was trying in his own way to convince me that there was no fault in what we were doing, in our secret romance if I could call it. And he was doing so because he feared that actually talking about it would mean having a conversation I absolutely did not care to have. 

I read the last line again and exhaled deeply, Closing the book and tracing my fingers on the title.

The Epitome of Reality. It was a stranger's perception of the world, and I wished more than anything that my entire community would share in the view somehow. But that was simply wishful thinking.

It was a sin, this thing between Calen and I, or so I had been taught to believe. And if that was so then I was by far the greatest sinner to exist. If my father found out then I would be dead. Probably literally. I'm more than certain that he'd prefer putting a bullet in my head instead of believing that's who I actually was. He'd kill me, then he'd look for Calen and kill him as well.

But it didn't feel like a sin, quite the contrary, I had never felt more alive. I had never felt more free. And there has never been an instance when my heart has longed for anyone as much as I longed for him. 

And had I been wise then I would have kept my distance, lest I condemn us both for a sin that might not actually be a sin. But wisdom turned to ashes whenever Calen was concerned. 

On my way out of the library I bumped into Rajeev. Looking very different in navy blue cargo shorts and a black T-shirt. It had been a while since I talked to him, and with Calen aside, he was one of the few friends I had made at school.

" Jerald, morning!" he greeted me with much enthusiasm, holding several book copies in his hands. 

" Morning, need a hand?"

" Oh, yes please. Thank you. "

I took half the books from him and asked him where to. 

" Oh, the librarian. I borrowed them a while back and failed to return them, she has been on my case constantly since then. "

I nodded and followed him to the librarian's desk, who after a short scolding, cleared his name from her ' black book' and wished us a lovely day.

" Oh, I heard about unmatched polo skills, sorry we failed to mention that on the first day. It's not really a sport that most go for you see. "

" That's fine, I'm just glad I found something I rather like. "

He nodded as we went down the flight of stairs leading out of the library. Then he pointed to a bench and asked whether I'd care to sit. I accepted, it was a fairly nice and sunny day and the company was appreciated. It meant I wouldn't spend too much time thinking about Calen, or about the quote from that book.

We had a decent chat about studies, and the upcoming exams, then we moved on to other things. Stories of our homes and some memorable experiences we had had. 

He was from Mumbai, India. His family ran a chain of jewelry and clothe stores all around the world, among various other businesses. And just like me, he had quite a number of siblings, but he was actually the last born. 

" My father had this misconception that last children always grew up to be spoilt and lazy, so my eldest brother suggested he send me here. "

I listened to him carefully, and he shared his fears of disappointing his parents, which explained why he studied so hard. 

" But sometimes it gets very exhausting. Having to constantly try to prove how concentrated you are, you know?"

I nodded, shifting to face him and squinting my eyes slightly due to the sun.

" I know exactly what you mean. My father has these great expectations as well. Actually, I was glad when he admitted me here, it meant I wouldn't have to constantly be on edge. "

" Yeah, me too. I was always walking on eggshells back home. "

" And the worst part is that if something wasn't right in his eyes then it was automatically wrong, " I blurted out. Feeling like the conversation had gotten very personal but being unable to stop it. I had never really talked to anyone who understood before.

" Tell me about it, ..". Rajeev said then looked up at the sky, covering his eyes with his hands, " My father once grounded me for sniffing a glass of alcohol when I was twelve. I wasn't even intending to drink it, ' That's how it starts, ' he said, ' first you sniff it, then you're an alcoholic before you turn fifteen and you'll drop out of school!' "

We laughed, and once the laughter died down he shook his head and gradually became serious.

" Their our parents, and we should love and respect them, but that doesn't mean their always right, " it was a casual statement made in a casual manner, it stuck in my mind. And I wondered whether it was all done sort of revelation. First the book and then this. 

We talked for a while longer and I shared tales of my half-sister Aliyah and her mischief. And once we went out separate ways I felt lighter, like part of the heavy load on my shoulders had been lifted. And I couldn't wait for Calen to get back.

                            💮🌼💮🌼💮🌼

The meeting had gone by splendidly, and we had completed everything earlier than I had anticipated. So after a nice meal at a renowned restaurant we had began the trip back to school, it had been around three, but when five hit, we were still a couple of hours away from reaching out destination.

Traffic was hell, especially during the evening hours, and we were unlucky enough to find ourselves stuck in the middle of it .

I was sharing the vehicle with both the principal and his deputy, who passed the time by making small talk. And although they tried to include me as much as they could, I was glad and relieved when they left me out of their conversation.

I glanced beside me where a small nice box lay. It was a snow globe I had bought in a store we had passed by. It had reminded me so much of J.R that I had been unable to leave it there, so I had bought it along with the nice green wooden box with these golden patterns drawn on its sides. And as I stared it I got lost in my thoughts.

Thoughts that were purely about my J.R. I took off the watch and held it in my hand, then I brought it to my nose and breathed in. It smelt just like him. His scent so strong it had woven itself into the material of the watch itself. 

I looked out the backseat window and saw the promise of stars. Then I wondered how much longer we would be stuck there. I feared that by the time we got to school everyone would be asleep, and then I'd have to wait till the next day before I got to see J.R again. How would I be expected to sleep in such a case?

I cursed the London traffic, imagined how J.R must have been feeling and then I cursed it even more. 

There was this feeling inside me, it had been there since I left the school grounds. Like I was leaving behind a part of myself that I needed in order to survive. A fragment of my soul, or my heart...I didn't know which, but it was a fragment of a part of me that was necessary for my well-being. And now it was missing and I felt devoid. It had been hours but it felt more like a treacherous eternity.

The things I'd give to be able to feel the soft strands of his raven dark hair. That smile that sent me to the very edge of madness,those mesmerizing green eyes that were mostly clouded by shyness....he was my greatest fantasy incarnate. My sweet J.R. 

I was trying to balance on a rather thin line here, and I'm afraid I was failing terribly. 

I breathed a sigh of relief when the traffic began moving, the soft sound so loud both the principal and deputy turned to look at me.

" You must be the only student I've met that feels relieved and eager to get back to school, "the principal said and I smiled. 

Of course I was eager, how could I not be?

I had left part of me behind. 

It was eight by the time we got to school, and there were students everywhere. It appeared that news of the principal's absence had spread and they had taken it as a chance to do everything they felt like, including throw various parties. The deputy wanted to put a stop to it immediately but the principal stopped him.