Chapter 3. journal towards understanding Pt.2

Journal #5

I never completed journal #4 but I'll just put everything that wasn't there here.

after my conversation with dad I thought for a long time about how to go about life, do I live in fear of my power? Do I dare try to control it? should I tell mum and dad why those trees fell over long ago? to help with these questions, and many more, I decided to take up meditation as I couldn't think what else could help.

One day while meditating I noticed something very odd, the place where I hear the music changed. normally when I hear something it sounds as if its between my ears (assuming its in front of me), but while meditating the sound of the music started to move very slowly towards my face and when I stop meditating the music immediately comes back to between my ears. I should just meditate for several hours to see if the hearing of music could possibly leave my head, That would be a very interesting experience.

the music also changes while meditating, its relaxing and very spiritual, like multiple singing bowls playing in harmony. It helps with the meditation.

lets try to answer some questions and see if the answers make sense. "should I live in fear of my power." After my conversation with dad I try to keep a tight lid on fear. do I fear losing control and hurting someone? absolutely, but i can't let it control me. I suppose the answer is: no, I wont live in fear but I will live with caution

"Do I dare control it?" I have to, surely. I'm scared of losing control so I must grasp control and to do that I must gather more info.

"Do I use this power to fight crime?" truthfully, I didn't know so I asked dad "if you had superpowers would you fight crime?" and his answer was that he'd join the police and work along side them as its illegal to be a "vijilantea", whatever that is. so that leads onto the next question which I really should have asked first.

"can I use this power to fight crime?" the only thing my power has done is explode a light bulb and knock over a few trees. Though saying it like that severely undermines what happened. I would need to learn to control it to an insane degree. after thinking for a while I figured that this question should be asked again later because you can only become a police man when your 18. So following dads plan I'll do it then if I think its the best thing to do.

"how do I learn to control this?" I mean there's no school for this I'm kind of just winging it. I guess first of all I have to know what I'm controlling so figure out how it reacts to different emotions. but It's scary because I don't want to lose control again like last time. I should make a list of emotions and define them, I'll do that later. I'll make the other steps later as I don't know what the first step entails.

"why do I care?" is is solely because I love music or is there something else? loving music is definitely one part of the solution but is it just curiosity that explains the rest or something else entirely? I don't know.

Journal #6

wow, something awesome just happened. Yesterday I decided to meditate for a long time, as I said in journal #5, and it was amazing! I was felt the Place of Hearing the Music (PoHM) as it inched closer to my face when it eventually stopped right between my eyes. once it did, a wave wrapped around my whole head and it was like I could remember everything so incredibly clearly it amazed me so much I lost focus and the PoHM moved back between my ears but the feeling stayed! much weaker but still there, I wonder if I do it again will it be stronger? if only I had more spare time, It took me just over 6 hours to get to that point thankfully it was never boring as the music was there to entertain me with its spiritual-ness. I wonder if the music changes at that moment of clarity? another thing to test.

I feel like I'm finally making progress, but I cant even spend next Saturday doing it as its my birthday and we're inviting friends around and on Sundays I'm busy learning music transposition, I really hope mum and dad get me that tuning fork set. Then I could start writing the music down and see if there's anything special.

Journal #7

I'm 10 now, double digits , a change in digit number wont happen again for a very long time so I better appreciate it. anyway I've actually been 10 for a while now but I've been experimenting with what I wrote down last time. this'll have to be quick as its bedtime soon as I've been meditating a lot recently.

the Saturday after my birthday I sat down to move my PoMH to between my eyes again but before I did that I noted the time. after getting that feeling of clarity I tried to push the PoMH further outside but it didn't work. I learnt its incredibly heard to keep a stable focus while you have all these memories that are crystal clear and easy to access. after checking the time again i worked out that it took 5hours 47mins and 24 seconds to get to that point.

Thankfully Mr. Wheely was ill and took Sunday off so I tried again, noted the time and it only took 5Hours 38Mins and 47Seconds to get to that point, from that point I realised that I can train this skill. exams will be easy peasy if I can do it quickly.

The first time I managed to activate this ability, which I will from now call recon, I got a boost in recollection. I was hoping that after activating recon multiple times I would gain the boost multiple times but it appears not.

so far I've managed to get the time down to 4 Hours and 36 Mins I've given up on recording the seconds as I don't think it matters that much. but this after months of work, I feel like I should reduce my lessons on Sunday to get more time. at some point I'll be able to activate it Twice per day and hopefully that'll speed up my progress. Next time I'll pay attention to the music more instead of all my memories. also I should experiment trying to ignore everything and hold onto the feeling surrounding my head. so much to do.