Esther_Heredia
This is a really good story. I don't know why but I got Caroline(stop motion animated movie) vibes from it. The story is just so well laid out. Am really surprised, writing quality is extremely good! The author is superb at describing the dread that Jonah is going through as well as building up the world around him. The grammar is excellent, minor mistakes In some parts but nothing to stress over. I just got to say this is one of the best horror's & thrillers I've read!! Best novels, I've read PERIOD!! (IDC if that makes me biased lol) Jonah and alma's story is really sad. He seems to bounce from one plight to another and the pacing is well organized. The internalization of the characters is really relatable. None of the characters are flat, the worm guy was the deal breaker for me... so sad Man lucifer!.......uhhh, i feel angry for jonah. its not even his fault Continue on author, you have something amazing here am going to be following to see where this goes!... P.S i shed one tear, while reading this.. it really gets you!
Hey there! Good day for writing! If you want to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new works, you might want to contact rebecca.review@outlook.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters, or links will be appreciated when reaching out.
If you are into horror/thriller, this is definitely the book for you! It is well-written, it brings out the reader's emotion. I, for one, unable to stop feeling sorry and continue to hope for Jonah's happiness and for that, it made me want to read more so well done author!!! ππΌππΌ you managed to capture your reader's attention! definitely worth it to put in your collection π
This story is just so bloody thrilling! In every turn, you'll find yourself rooting for the main character - who i kinda feel sorry for. I've just read the first chapters, so I'm excited to find out how the main character will find the circus and all! Keep on writing! And I hope this book is filled with moe horrors to excite me! :D
A Nice start! I like the story overall, and I like Jonah as the main character. Obviously, his circumstances are sad, but I won't spoil it for any other readers. However, just some warnings... Nearly all authors won't have paragraphs over 5 sentences just because it's hard to read after that. For dialog, use quotation marks " --- " and for thoughts use single quotes ' --- '. Anyways, curious how things will go in the story. I noticed a huge difference between chapter 1 and chapter 4, so try and keep going in that direction!
I really love the beginning parts of this novel. There might not be much out yet but what is out is very well written. The introduction is incredibly gripping and exhilarating for an exposition segment. Even though we're simply being told the background of this character, from page one we're invested in his sorrows. Your writing style is very sophisticated. However, there are some word choices and sentence structures that make some sections of the book hard to read. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Caraballo assured that he was soggy with a foul smell that from the first day that Jonah was taken to that house took over everything" should be reorganized to something like this - "Mr. and Mrs. Caraballo insisted he was imbued with a foul smell that took over everything since the very day he arrived at the house." The action that the foul smell is doing should come right after it in the sentence, if that makes sense. Sometimes you use complicated words that muddle the true meaning of the sentence, maybe use a thesaurus and pick out some simpler, more direct words? Overall good work!
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