NotBeatrix
Hey! My name is Valerie Beatrix, and I'm so happy you stumbled on my page! Check out my works or my current in progress Tempest & Temptation! Support me if you want https://ko-fi.com/valeriebtrix :)
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NotBeatrix4mthCommentedCh 2 Important Author's Note- NotBeatrix4mthCommentedCh 1 Teaser
- NotBeatrix4mthCommentedCh 1 Teaser
- NotBeatrix1yrPosted
- NotBeatrix1yrReplied to Little_North_Star
Great chapter ~
This book has been deleted. - NotBeatrix1yrCommented
interesting first chapter π
This book has been deleted. - NotBeatrix1yrCommented
Doggy π―
This book has been deleted. - NotBeatrix1yrCommented
ππππ
This book has been deleted. - NotBeatrix1yrPosted
From the first page, I was pulled in. Although slightly cliche with the dream sequence, it does a wonderful job of setting up the plot and made me question what would happen next. We as readers get a good idea that Dax may be more than what meets the eye. Another thing I liked in particular was how the author was able to describe things. The details are nicely done and adds a basic foundation to the characters and the world. The world building also seems interesting, I liked the concept of the nanites and the advanced world that Dax lives in. Dax and Fay also hit it off pretty well, so I'm curious to see if that's a possible shipping route, lol. The first few chapters are a slow build up, but there is lots of foreshadowing that tells you to just hang on for the ride. With that being said, there were some grammatical errors and sometimes the character interactions fall flat, but other than that, this story has a lot of potential and I look forward to reading more chapters from this awesome author. Keep up the good work, Choas! :)
- NotBeatrix1yrReplied to Daoistjk7VgPCh 1 Teaser
- NotBeatrix1yrReplied to melanin_author
"--Very well." He exhaled sharply, loosening his shirt and tie with a prompt tug. "Since you don't believe me." He slid his uniform's necktie and slipped off his suit jacket. Her eyes went wide. "What are you doing?!" "Undressing. Is that not apparent?" He started unbuttoning his undershirt. Read tempest and temptation [book=20565074406731605|Tempest+And+Temptation|0]
- NotBeatrix1yrReplied to melanin_author
- NotBeatrix1yrReplied to kozia94
"--Very well." He exhaled sharply, loosening his shirt and tie with a prompt tug. "Since you don't believe me." He slid his uniform's necktie and slipped off his suit jacket. Her eyes went wide. "What are you doing?!" "Undressing. Is that not apparent?" He started unbuttoning his undershirt. Read tempest and temptation [book=20565074406731605|Tempest+And+Temptation|0]
- NotBeatrix1yrReplied to Godschoicekama
"--Very well." He exhaled sharply, loosening his shirt and tie with a prompt tug. "Since you don't believe me." He slid his uniform's necktie and slipped off his suit jacket. Her eyes went wide. "What are you doing?!" "Undressing. Is that not apparent?" He started unbuttoning his undershirt. Read tempest and temptation [book=20565074406731605|Tempest+And+Temptation|0]
- NotBeatrix1yrPosted
'In a world of beats and hybrids, Alfonse is the only human...' I know that this interesting setup is what drew me to the book. It makes you wonder how and why Alfonse ended up in this world. The first chapter has a hook that pulls you but I think what I enjoyed most was how the author does a good job of showing the monotony of Alfonse's life. You can really tell that in the first few chapters that Alfonse is living a life he finds boring and disinteresting. It makes all the more sense for when in later chapters, Alfonse may want to do something to fight to change. Additionally, the author tries to make sure readers have a basic image of the world in the story. With that being said, I noticed there were a few grammar errors here and there in terms of the tense switches and typos. While speaking in present tense isn't bad, I would say the present tense shift doesn't feel like it works to the best of its abilities here in this book. Also, the book could use more details on the world and setting as well properly introduce the characters. The chapters move far too fast for me to remain invested in one scene or the other. This can be solved by simply detailing things such the settings and more. For example, it was written that the townspeople are animal hybrids, but no further descriptions were provided besides 'cat' 'dog' which left me with the image of just a regular dog and cat. You may to explain them looking like had the head of tiger but the body of a man or something like that. Besides that, I think your novel has a lot of potential with a little polishing. Good luck, author!
- NotBeatrix1yrCommentedCh 2 Chapter 2. Tiny Sinister
- NotBeatrix1yrReplied to f0011Ch 2 Chapter 2. Tiny Sinister