Chapter 34 - Sparring

Today's training session would include sparring. It was one of the rare days where Elina and Theodore would be able to the session at the same time as us, whereas they usually took supplementary lessons during their free time. We were allowed to choose who to pair up with and I had chosen Theodore. Although I normally would have paired up with Nicholas, Theodore and I had unsettled business that I couldn't put off any longer. Knowing that Nicholas would treat Elina well, I could entrust her to him for today. As I stood in front of Theodore, to signify that I had chosen his as my sparring partner, he looked at me with confusion that was no different than the expressions on Elina and Nicholas' faces.

"Seph! Aren't you going to pair up with me?" She pleaded with puppy-dog eyes that served to enhance her already innocent appearance.

"I have something to take care of. Can you pair up with Nicholas today? Is that fine with the both of you?" While I was speaking to Elina and Nicholas, I remained looking at Theodore. Though confused, Nicholas agreed and Elina reluctantly followed suit. 

We got into our positions and the moment we were all told to begin, I lunged forward with the wooden training sword. My moves were significantly faster than they had initially been. The last couple of years had seen an exponential growth in my ability, purely due to my perseverance. Theodore reacted belatedly, trying to shield himself with his own sword but he didn't account for the force, which made him fall back slightly. 

"I think it's high time we finally discuss what happened last week." Seeing that everyone was now busy with their own training partners, I was finally able to start talking to him without worrying needlessly.

He came back quickly but wasn't quite as strong as other opponents I had faced. It boiled down to the fact that he prioritised strength through magic over physical strength. While he was fit, it wasn't possible for him to overwhelm those who had been obsessively training for years. As a result, our strengths were roughly similar, where he should have far surpassed me since I started learning at a much later date than him. He got up and lowered his stance, lending strength to his legs. Before he could do anything however, I started charging at him again.

"Don't you have something to say?" I asked as we held our swords against one another, our bodies only separated by the swords we held between us. We remained like that for a few seconds, trying to overwhelm the other with sheer force.

"I already apologised" he responded through gritted teeth, focusing more on preventing me from pushing him back once more. 

"What for?" I asked as I jumped back to separate us for a moment. It was something small but I needed to know if he was genuine. I wanted to be sure that he knew what he did wrong, or else the apology held no meaning to me. Rather than coming at one another, we eyed each other, looking for any signs of movement. In that brief period of time, it felt like we had let down our walls and tried to understand the other.

"Are you apologising for running my reputation through the ground or for acting without my permission?"

"Both." 

"If so..." I run at him, swinging my sword down from my right, effectively knocking his sword out of his hands, "don't ever touch me without my permission. Is that clear?"

"Yes." Despite it being a short answer, it felt like he meant it.

"Alright." I extend my hand towards him. "Then get up and put your back into it."

He stood back up and quickly went back into position, but my anger wouldn't settle. There was a small fire rising from deep within me and the sweat dripping down my forehead wasn't enough to put it out. I continued to go at Theodore with my all, without thinking of anything. I didn't worry about him or myself. I knew that I wouldn't actually hurt him all that much, at most he would have a few bruises. But I was aware that I was overworking myself. My muscles would be aching so much that I would be struggling to move for the rest of the week, but I didn't care. 

"By the way". I speak through my breathlessness, panting between words as I tried not to lose my balance or slow down. "Don't you think a more sincere apology is due?" 

He was in a similar state as me, struggling to catch his breath, as the two of us refused to slow down even the slightest. We were both stubborn in a way that would be regarded as harmful. "Would it make any difference? Would you accept it?"

"If it came from the heart, yes." 

As I began to come back at him, he suddenly dropped his wooden sword and stood still. I was moving too fast, making it difficult to stop myself barrelling into him. Thankfully I was able to come to a halt, a hair's length away from him, but the force of the stop had me tipping over and falling backwards. Instinctively, before Theodore could react and catch me, I moved my leg so I came down kneeling on one leg to regain balance.

"What are you doing?! What if you got hurt?!" I was yelling as I stood up, but that inadvertently turned attention towards us. The eyes I despised and finally managed to escape were on us again.

"What are you all looking at?! Go back to training and mind your own business!" I was so tired of having to quietly escape others' eyes. Why did I have to sit pretty and wait for others to turn away? The teacher seemed to have the same opinion as me and commanded that everyone go back to their training unless they wanted to run laps, which made everyone begrudgingly turn their attention back to their partners. 

"I'm genuinely sorry for everything I've done. I told you to care more about your reputation but I was hypocritical and instead ruined it for you. That was my fault and I genuinely apologise. I'll accept any punishment that you deem fit." He spoke quietly out of shame but his eyes were determined and it was obvious that he was full of conviction. The way he would lower himself whenever the subject was brought up, made me think that maybe he had been regretting it all this time. Maybe he was apologetic but didn't know well enough how to express himself. Before all else, he was still a child who needed to grow and mature. Weren't we all? He wanted to do anything to relieve my anger and while it was touching, and I was glad that he was responsible enough to take responsibility for his actions, I was annoyed. 

"You did that to apologise?" I messed up my hair in frustration, trying to understand where he was coming from. "Do I look like a brute or someone who enjoys hurting others?"

"That's not-" 

"Or perhaps you thought I was so ignorant that I wouldn't know sincerity when it hit me in the face."

"No, I-"

"I guess I look like someone who is obsessed with revenge and getting back at people, what other reason would there be for you to act like this?"

"That's not it... I just wanted to do anything to redeem myself and relieve your anger. I don't like being in debt to people."

"So you use your body to repay debt? If you don't value yourself enough, what do you think you can do for the Empire? You say you want to get stronger to protect the people of the Empire, but how far do you think you can go without an ounce of self respect? You need to treasure your body more. If you allow just anyone to beat you up, you won't last long. You might as well give up now."

I was speaking harshly and I knew it but I couldn't help myself. I was extremely aggravated by this guy. He was willing to lower himself over such a small thing. While it's good to know humility, seeing him acting as a doormat irritated me. Every bad trait I saw in others was a reflection of myself and I couldn't help but unfairly lash out at them. When have I been known not to take it out on myself and anything resembling me? I didn't care who it was, anyone who acted in this way would have received the same treatment. I didn't want to see someone cowering away in front of me, that was sickening. My mouth has a tendency to run before I think things through but I was okay playing the bad guy. If that's what it took to make him re-evaluate his priorities and have pride in himself, even if only in retaliation, I would play the villain a thousand times over. He glared at me without saying a word, but I could see his jaw was clenched and that was enough to know that I had angered him. I had hoped that he was resentful enough for him to try to prove me wrong, but who knows what the future holds. It wasn't a healthy way of teaching someone how to change, but it was all I knew. We were not ones who would speak sweetly to one another, it wouldn't feel right.

"I didn't ask you", he finally speaks up after a stifling silence while coming towards me. We clash once more, staying in position as he tries to push me backwards, clearly using more strength than he had been before. It felt good that he was finally putting his all into it, not disregarding my strength and worrying that he would hurt me. It was strange to feel happy by his anger but only then would he stop treating me as different. I quickly realised that if I wanted to stop behaving in a way I disliked, I would need to become indifferent to him, but that was impossible. Maybe it was fate or maybe it was a sense of camaraderie, but I couldn't pull away.

"I didn't ask for your advice either, yet you gave it anyway."

Seemingly more riled up, he swiveled his sword so that he could swing mine to the side and leave me with a clear opening. But I wasn't going to let that happen, just as my arm moved to the side I stepped away from him. He wasn't the only angry one. 

"Do you think I'm being unfair? Do you think we have ever been fair to one another? I'm not here to win your affection and I'm sure it's the same the other way around. I'm truly grateful for your help last week, but stay out of my business if you want me to stay out of yours. Practice what you preach, because right now you're just a hypocrite." The more I spoke the less I felt certain in my words. I felt as though I wanted to say something other than hurtful words but nothing was coming to mind. Unable to put a finger on what I wanted to express, and no longer feeling any real anger towards him, I decided to stop lecturing him.

"Wouldn't that make the two of us? Do you think you treasure yourself when you make yourself bleed?" He was breathing heavily as sweat made his hair cling to his forehead, his normally light pink hair looking darker right now. Despite his obvious fatigue there was no sign of resignation on his face as he looked at me with a firm gaze. 

"That's right. We're both hypocrites." I spoke just barely over a whisper but he managed to hear me as he stilled and stared at me blankly to try and read me. "I'm taking a break, spar with someone else if you want to keep going."

As I finished speaking I turned away from him and sat down against one of the walls, watching everyone while I slowed my breathing. The sweat covering every inch of my skin made me feel filthy so I tried to air myself off, as I drank water to make up for the water loss. Watching everyone, I noticed that Theodore didn't go up to anyone else, but instead came to sit down a few spaces away from me. 

"I need a break too." He speaks up without looking at me. 

"Okay." 

Time remaining: 114 days