Chapter 27 - Charlotte

The first lesson was, as all first lessons are, introductory. In order for us to become accustomed to this place and one another, we were made to introduce ourselves for the first while, before getting into what we will be learning over the academic year. The first lesson was Literature and Language. While there were a few compulsory lessons for all students to take, we were also able to choose other subjects to make up enough credits. The compulsory lessons were composed of language, introduction to sciences and introduction to mathematics. Although these subjects were to provide us with a basic amount of knowledge, the optional subjects were what would determine our career paths. While my friends and I chose almost all of the same subjects, the one we wanted to carry forward differed.

Nicholas and I had both chosen swordsmanship. It was a given for he who wished to be an imperial knight, he who I know would be able to accomplish his wishes and be an outstanding knight. On the other hand, I was still uncertain about my future. There were too many things I wanted to do, too many topics I found interesting, I couldn't imagine myself doing any one thing. My want to study swordsmanship felt half hearted in the face of Nicholas' passion. Though I shouldn't, I felt guilty for choosing it on a whim. I simply chose it because I enjoyed it, never once thinking about what I would do with my life. Strangely enough, in my previous life, I was obsessed with finding a route to go down and secure my future. I was unhealthily chasing after any definitive path that could prove my existence and accomplishments. Did I now have the privilege to not think about it as I was born into money? Could I finally afford to take things slow and enjoy what little time I have left before I reach adulthood?

The two who were at the forefront of all rumours were Elina and Theodore. They would be the only ones who would receive special training on magic at the magic tower, as they were rare cases of having an innate aptitude for it. It was both a position of envy and to shy away from. This wasn't just something that would be talked about within the academy, but throughout the entire empire. Would we have new mages who could help to protect from invading empires? More than that, would the princess be someone who could become eligible to inherit the throne based on her powers? Although Elina and Helios were extremely close siblings, it would undoubtedly result in a massive power struggle, should she be deemed to be an asset worthy enough. Given that they were both the only ones to be taking such lessons, and the only ones who were the focus of everyone's attention, it wouldn't be strange for them to become close. If anything, it's entirely understandable as only the two would be best able to understand the pressure the other is facing. This was the catalyst which led to the original Persphone's rash actions, the situation which led to Elina receiving a large amount of attention from Theodore who seemed otherwise uninterested in people of the opposite gender.

May and Charlotte were the only two within our group who were not in the same specialising class as anyone they knew. Charlotte had chosen to study Law, invested in the possibility of a better world. She was a dreamer, as some might say. While many had lost hope of a better tomorrow, Charlotte had made it her goal to right the wrongs and reignite faith in the justice system, which no longer cared about justice. Although I knew that one person could not do much to change anything, I couldn't fault her efforts. Does change not begin from the minority? While she was an optimist, I was aware that I was the epitome of a pessimist. Should we draw the line between the two of us, was it not possible for at least a small amount of justice to be achieved? It might just come down to interpretation of what justice is, but is it an all or nothing? While she and I were different, I hoped that her dreams would partially come true. Would it not be amazing to see what we had only dreamed of, becoming reality? Just little by little, would it not be wonderful to see a brighter tomorrow?

Perhaps most different of all of us was May who chose to study Art. In the way that I had chosen my subject based on what I enjoy, without thinking much about how it would impact my future, May did the same. Out of all of us, May was continuing on the path perceived to be the most suited for women in our society. As one might expect, women were not expected to study to get a job. This was in all ways, a world where men were hailed over the smallest of things, while women were prevented from getting any further out of their small box. Art was one such subject where people did not necessarily see growth. It wasn't respected to the same degree as many other fields and as such, was deemed to be a more suitable path for women. Funnily enough, even with it being something regarded as womanly, the 'best' artists were still men. Although May did not put much thought into factors such as societal expectations, I knew that deep down I wanted her to do well. I wanted her to be up there, among the men, showing the others what she is worth. On the rare days that I had visited May's house, I was lucky enough to see the piles upon piles of paintings she had stowed away. It would be a waste for someone as talented as she was, to be anything but an artist. The world would be missing out if they could not be graced with her work. I could already imagine the way she would paint the world with splendid colours had she been given the chance. Her progress would be something worth watching.

Throughout the lesson, I sparsely paid any attention to what the teacher was saying. At the beginning it was quite easy as we were all introducing ourselves to one another. It was an activity I dreaded with my whole heart, always struggling to come up with an 'interesting fact' about myself. Nevertheless, I pushed forward and the spotlight that shone upon me, quickly moved to the next target. As the lesson started dragging out however, I could feel myself being drawn away from reality, with everyone's voices sounding more and more distant. 

I was an avid day dreamer, often finding hours pass by in a matter of seconds. I suppose I never lost that somewhat childish aspect, the one that could dream to no bounds. No limits could be placed upon the imagination and I made use of it. The voice of the teacher beginning to talk us through the course content would come in and out of focus as mind was anywhere but here. Though I kept my head down, pretending to make notes, the rain was calling out to me. I imagined myself, some time far in the future, living freely. One day, I would be someone I could rely on, someone I could be proud of. I would one day be able to spread my wings and fly to a place, unrestricted by my own lack of confidence or self worth. Unlike Icarus, my wings would be able to fly to heights unimaginable to the rationalists. The sky could not be my limit, no matter how hard it tried. While I was watching all of these events play out in front of me, the sound of shuffling beside me broke me out of my trance.

On my right was Charlotte, who was restlessly taking notes on everything that fell out of the teachers mouth. Her attitude towards studies was visible in how she dressed and carried herself. Seriousness evident in every aspect of her, she followed the academy rules strictly, refusing to stray from the dress code. While it was the first day and most people had been dressed in a similar manner to avoid trouble and make a good first impression, I knew that she would remain this way. While others would gradually become increasingly more lenient with the rules, Charlotte would be unchanging. Determined would be one word to describe her, but a better one might be overenthusiastic. She was someone who worked tirelessly to achieve the best possible outcome, determined to make her dreams come true. Worried that time would leave her behind, she was miles ahead of where she needed to be at any point in time. During the entrance exam she had received one of the highest marks throughout the entire cohort, heralded as somewhat of a natural genius. Although that's what others may call her, I didn't see it that way. More than any innate ability, it was her efforts that put her in the position she is in now. Somehow, not attributing her talents to her efforts feels wrong, like her struggles are being reduced to nothing in the eyes of others who only believe in being born to be great or a failure. Despite the fact that she didn't need to be writing down an entire transcript on the lesson, it was hard to dislike her attitude towards her future. It was cute how she would bite at her lip in concentration, unaware that she was doing it and how she would get lost in new information, as though she had been transported to an entirely new world. 

Although we were friends, I couldn't help but be envious of her. She was strong in ways that my swordsmanship couldn't achieve. Every moment that things would go slightly awry, I would struggle to keep catastrophic thoughts away. Every single day was a battle, unable to build a solid foundation, it was natural for me to keep falling. This was the part of me that I hated the most, the part that would be jealous of others for being better. People's achievements would continuously bring out my biggest insecurities. I fail to understand why I feel the need to compare myself with others when I know it will only pain me. If I build strong enough foundations, could I too be resilient? Could I too stubbornly keep going until I was right where I wanted to be? 

As the lesson carried on, I found my own thoughts slowly disappearing as I focused on the way Charlotte's pen was gliding on the paper, the way she would tap it against her finger when she had nothing to write and the way her handwriting was gradually turning messy as her hand was becoming tired. Her silky brown hair was tied neatly and fell gently on her back, swaying every now and then when she would nod in understanding at what the teacher was saying. Despite my attention being focused on her, she not once noticed, too busy harvesting all of the information being provided. It wasn't until she turned her head to look at me, that I realised the lesson had finished with me retaining absolutely no information.