Here I Am

So unsurprisingly, if your wife is now a hacking tech guru, she can scramble the satellite feed and show them tentacle hentai while I flew me and Bruce to a quiet town.

I cannot deny I was laughing like a hyena for a solid ten minutes when she told me what she did. Abby may not show her odd and mischievous side often, but when she does. Oh lawrdy.

But anyways, while I did want to head home, I needed to have a chat with Brucey here. So I checked us into a hotel and went to the room. While I wait for him to wake up, I'm going to catch some zzz's. I left a note by his bedside to wake me. Aaahhhhhh. .Comfy chair if I must say so.

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Apparently I sleep like a log because Bruce was shaking the living daylights out of me. Something about where are we and how am I still alive. I groggily responded.

Me: "Nice town. It's quiet. Needed sleep."

Bruce: "Why did you bring us here to sleep?! We could have hidden better than in some town!"

Me: "Seriously Brucey. Calm your tits already. I stayed awake for days just to find you because Jenn asked me to. I was tired and needed sleep. . .Especially after dealing with your better half's temper tantrum."

I think he said something else, but I was still tired. At least he went back to bed and slept. Why didn't I lay down in bed? Well that's because I only got a one bed room. I'm cheap, ain't gonna spend more money than needed when I can sleep in the chair!

A few hours later I was finally waking up. The sun was just coming up. Ha! I beat you this time, you vile star you! Bruce was coming in the room with some food. Awesome. Even if it is convenience store food, it fills my belly just the same.

Bruce: "Good. You're awake. I got some food, sorry, but I had no idea what you liked."

Me: "Don't matter. Anything you don't want, I can eat. Glad to see you're a bit more sociable with me. And less punchy."

He might have been ashamed of himself, because he seemed a bit sheepish when he looked away.

Bruce: "About that. Just how are you still alive? I can't remember everything but I do recall you fighting back."

Me: "It was easy peasy. Though you did demolish the army's forces that were sent after you. Though don't worry, Ximena and her people already escaped."

Bruce: "I'm glad. I was worried I would have more blood on my hands."

He did look visibly relieved. That's a good thing.

Bruce: "So. . .You and my cousin, huh?"

Now it was my turn to be sheepish. It's still odd to accept that I have a lover other than my wife.

Me: "Yep. She's a tough cookie. She kept at me even when I said no. And believe me, I did. OH! Cheese crackers! Yummy! I was surprised as you were when she told me she was pregnant. We only did it once!"

Bruce: "You do realize the problems that come with that don't you? The kids will deal with the same affliction that me and her have. They will be shunned because of their skin color and treated like monsters. Not to mention the strength they will possess. People WILL come after you and your family."

Me: "Let's see here. .I took on the Hulk. Managed to evade the military while taking said person out of the area. And my own wife can kick my arse. I think we can manage. ."

Just small points. Though I don't think he understands.

Bruce: "Damn it man! Can't you see your life will be hard?! Please understand!"

Me: "I don't think you understand. I can handle anything or anyone on this small world. I'm not a megalomaniac, but I am aware of what I'm capable of. What you need to understand is do you want to go have a life back home, or hide out here like some bitch?!"

Huh, where did that come from? Eh, who cares. I just hope Brucey here can get his head out of his bum. He's technically family now, so I gotta give him some mediocre amount of care.

Bruce: "Why does it matter what I do? I cannot have a simple life anymore. Any time I lose my anger, I might hurt someone I care for. Not to mention General Ross will never let me go. He will always hunt me down and force me to change just so he can make people see me as only a monster."

Honestly, I think he's more afraid that he can't 'release' anymore. Just one big shot and he goes hulk sized inside of a lover.

Me: "You could always come and hang out with my family. Technically we are your new family with your cousin joining in. We can hide you. .Or make you a teacher for some kids we are assisting."

Bruce: "I'm sorry, what now? A teacher? For kids? I'm a biochemist and a nuclear physicist, what the hell kind of kids are you teaching?!"

Me: "The mutant kind."

Bruce: "The what kind?"

He just looked at me incredulously. Now I got his attention. Scientists are so easy. Dangle something new in front of them and they want to chomp at it.

Me: "The mutant kind. Ya know, kids who can wield tangible flames. Others that run at sonic speed. I know a young lady who can, quite possibly, become the strongest psychic ever seen. Well, more telekentic, but you get the idea."

Oh, he swallowed some saliva. Or was the turkey sandwich? Either way he seemed interested now.

Me: "Look. You have anger issues. As an intelligent man, I don't have to tell that to you, but you need some namaste in your life. Come with me, spend time with your cousin, help some kids out, and maybe, just maybe, talk it out with your girlfriend. She's the one who told Jenn what you did. So you're in some hot water that needs cooling down."

He sighed. Hell, I sighed. I understood the place where his mind was at. It's a dark hole, but I know he'll make it out. If not, nothing a good lay ain't helped a guy out with!

Bruce: "So how the hell do we get back then."

I stared him down. He may or may not like the plan.

Me: "We're going to need some rum."

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All I can say is I had a blast. From the rum shots, to the strippers for Bruce, for flying from south of Peru to Africa. .Don't ask, I still don't know how I messed that up.

Bruce wanted to do some daredevil stuff. So I agreed. So here we are. At the customs border. These folks are the most brutal of brutal bastards! One wrong eye glance and then yoink! You're outta here!

Thankfully, we 'Murican. Now, we are also guys. Who already had a few gallons of rum in me, and a few pints in him, we were bound to do some stupid crap. One of which being that we forgot that Robert Bruce Banner is a wanted fugitive by one General Ross.

We were lined up, clearly drunk, when Brucey showed his I.D. . They took a look at it. They scanned it. It apparently sent alarms off because next thing was me and him had guns in our faces.

It didn't help that we were both giggling at them due to our inebriated state. I think one guard was cussing at us! Le gasp! How rude!

One of them tried to tase me. Too bad it didn't work. He hit me with his baton too! Also didn't work. Damn it Bruce, stop laughing! It's all fun and games until someone tries to shoot!

Which one of them did.

Damnit all.

Wouldn't have been so bad if it was aimed at me. But nooooooo~. Had to aim at Bruce. And guess what, his inner guy, he no likey that

Now. I don't know if it is because they share the same body, or they have a heck of a mental link with one another, but a drunk Hulk. Is fucking funny.

That poor bastard was stumbling around and yelling about smashing. Too bad he couldn't smash. We've all been there brother.

So to help the guy out, I grabbed him and sped us outta there. Hulk didn't like the fast flight, so he actually reverted back just so he didn't have to! Ha!

Bad thing for my new brother Bruce, the change made him sober up. And even brought the hangover with it. So we had to make a few pit stops so he could get situated.

Finally! I'm home! It was a long time away and now I'm ready to relax! Not to mention we have that upcoming training scenario I want Bruce to see. It'll really make him want to stay

Bruce: "I feel sorry for you man. This is going to a rough few months for you."

Me: "Ah that'll be okay. How hard can dealing with a pregnant woman be?"

Bruce: "Extremely. .and now she has hulk genes and temperament. So she'll have to handle with even worse mood swings than most women have to deal with."

I'm not covered in cold sweat. You're covered in cold sweat! Your whole dang family is covered in cold sweat!

Oh goddess. .Oh god. .Hell, Stan Lee. . please save me.