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I Love You So Desperately

"I would rather never get forgiven by you, if it means I won't get forgotten by you" He said holding Kashish tightly in his arms. He felt like if he loosens his arms now he will lose her forever. When Kashish faces rejection her whole life she loses her faith in love; her anger and pain do not let her live her life fully. Her past always haunts her and her hatred for her past never lets her forget it. So when life plays with her again and brings her back to face her past; what will she do? Its a story about love and healing. And about how time sets everything right.

fAITHinmeQueenB · Urban
Not enough ratings
17 Chs

Chapter 9

Ashvik's POV

I was in my cabin looking through my emails when Grandma entered along with an girl. At first I didn't notice the girl as my focus was solely on my grandma. As soon as I saw grandma I knew why she was here, today is my birthday and my family member insisted me to take a day off but I strictly declined. I haven't been celebrating my birthday for past ten years now although everyone always tries to convince me every year but in vain I never agree. My birthday has turned into a painful memory for me I used to be enthusiastic for it before but now it has become meaningless it has turned into a mere date that comes every year.

My grandma brought the girl along with her informing me she prepared the lunch for me. I recognized her from yesterday, today she was wearing uniform unlike yesterday. Although I was reluctant but grandma came all the way to my office to surprise me as she felt that I might skip my lunch even in my birthday so I started to eat hesitantly.

While I am tasting it I could see the panic and nervousness in the girl's eyes.

I wasn't expecting anything but it surprised me. I haven't had this kind of taste for a long time, it is giving me a sense of familiarity that I can't fathom. I stare at her to understand it but I am unable to grasp it. I finish each dishes not wanting to waste anything this taste I may be not able to have again.

At last I see the desert is kheer, I stare at it for a while questioning myself to whether eat it or not. "Eat it son. Today is your birthday. I insist, Please. It is very good" my grandma's words encourages me to eat. I haven't been eating Kheer for years because I could never find that taste again. It was my favorite once and my mother used to prepare it daily so that taste is stuck in my head. Although others had tried but it could never reach my mothers level so I couldn't eat it more than one spoon. This resulted in me totally abandoning it.

Today grandma is pleading to me to eat the Kheer that has never happened before. I doubt the taste, but I can't turn down grandma who is giving me that expectant look. I hesitantly grab the spoon and take the first bite. My eyes widen in surprise and I stare at her intently, she cowers under my gaze fear visible in her face. "Is everything okay?" grandma's voice brings me back, I don't respond as I myself don't have the answer. I savor the taste of sweet kheer it melts in my mouth, this taste after so long. I finish the dishes fully satisfied after a long time.

She leaves me and grandma in the cabin after doing her work, Kashish is her name I got at last when my grandma addressed her with her name.

"I haven't seen you enjoying the food for ages now" my grandma comments as we are the only ones left, her words strikes the chords in me. I did enjoy the food which is very rare for me, as I eat only to satisfy my stomach but my tongue has stopped relishing. It is my mental issue cause the food I eat has always been good and best ones but today I felt different as the taste gave me nostalgia and the kheer confirmed it. How can it be possible? I question myself, after years why did it happen now. So many has tried but failed miserably.

I am in my cabin still rationalizing about the odd occurrence. Is it possible? Or am I thinking too much. I grunt in anger. My phone rings at that same moment "Hello" I receive it seeing the name. "Hello bro.. happy birthday! Where are you? An annoying voice rings on the other side. "You had already wished me this morning Nihal. Did you forget?" this fellow what is he up to now. "No I didn't. But where are you? I told you to be in Black Paradise by evening" he demands loudly. "Why do I need to be in our hotel?" I ask annoyed with his demand.

"Come on you don't need to brag that you own it. Just come here asap if you are my friend" he cuts the phone before I can respond "This annoying brat". I pick up my car keys and head out, the sun has already set. As I drive away I see Kashish standing with an company at the road just outside the building she has changed back to her casual clothes, I wait to see due to my curiosity. Soon an auto stops and they board it, they leave the area. I also drive away to my destiny.

I reach the hotel in few minutes, as soon as I enter the hotel lobby "You are here bro" a loud voice booms in the lobby. "This is a hotel not your house Nihal" I complain staring at my friend walking to him. "Oh come on, but you're the owner and I am your friend" I sigh at his words, he smiles playfully. "Where is Ranvit?" I question well aware that if Nihal have called me all the way here of course he would have called Ranvit too. "I am here" a voice replies, I see the owner of the voice sitting on the sofa with his gaze busy on his phone,he stops and approaches us and puts his arm around my shoulder "How can I miss this chance?" he laughs.

I lazily sip my drink poured to me by the bartender, currently we are at the bar of the hotel having some drink. "So you are saying that a food cooked by an canteen girl tasted familiar kind of like your mothers. How is that possible?" Nihal repeats the word I had informed him "Maybe you are mistaken, could be just your imagination". "Nah if Ashvik said so then it will be indeed true! He has an strong palate we already know that so there is no doubt" Ranvit words somehow brings a convincing facial expression in Nihal's face. I sigh "I am not mistaken, it is not only the familiar taste" my determined voice rings in the bar. There are many chances that people can be mistaken but I am person who doesn't even make a ample miscalculation. "So What will you do? Will you ask her to cook for you again?" I scowl at Nihal's random question, he turns silent after seeing my face. "I guess you won't" he states to himself.

"What about you? Did uncle let Ehsaan brother to visit the house?" I throw a question at Nihal wanting to divert the attention from my situation. He gives a long sigh "Nope and I believe it won't happen anytime soon" he answers smoothly but Ranvit and I know how much stressed he is due to his father and brother's dispute.

"Mom really wanted to bring the new bride home, but dad didn't permit it" Nihal's frustration is clearly visible in his face, there is on going silent war between the father and elder son in Chandekar's family and Nihal seems to have no solution for that. "Leave my depressing family talks. We must concentrate on our soon to be groom Mr.Ranvit Agarwal" Nihal chortles after mentioning about the upcoming marriage of our friend Ranvit I join in too.

Ranvit grumbles "Well I am getting married. But what about you people are you guys planning to remain single forever ?" he comebacks at us targeting at our single status. "Commitments are not for me man. I am happy just the way I am right now" Nihal points his view, he always has avoided dating any girl, he hangs out with hundreds of girl for fun but never considers to be serious with any one of them. I myself hasn't considered to get married but I don't play around like Nihal, he is seen with new girl every month.

"So when does the ceremonies start?" I question curiously to Ranvit. "Next month there is an engagement ceremony" Ranvit blankly utters with no hint of enthusiasm, I know Ranvit was not willing to marry yet but only due to family pressure he proposed to his girlfriend.

"Where is your excitement bro? You are getting married be happy" Nihal shouts drunkenly, he has drunk multiple glasses of wine, so now he looks tipsy, he stands up and walks to nearby couch and sprawls on it.

Ranvit looking uninterested stares at his wine filled glass. "I know you don't want to get married this early. But I also know you are not tense due to that reason. So tell me what is it?" I inquire due to the gloomy look that my friend is carrying around.

He grunts shortly "It is about the reason I told you last time", I stare at him with attention motioning him to continue "My parents they are about to go paranoid. My father has already hired so many private investigators to get any clue about my sister but always it is futile. When we think we finally got a lead it ends up with an dead-end", he frowns while speaking, Ranvit generally hides his feeling but right now alcohol is loosening up his tongue.

Ranvit tousles his hair in frustration "It has been five years, a freaking five years but still we haven't even found the shadow of my sister. Last time I told you about a man didn't I, he was the last person who saw Chavvi. We investigated him but he doesn't have a clue, he said Chavvi and her family suddenly vanished from the town without any information", he pauses and drinks from glass in one go "How can they disappear overnight? No one has seen them for eleven years. Dad is losing hope each passing day to find her" Ranvit explains looking defeated and he gulps another glass of wine.

"You are searching for her so desperately. But do you believe she want to be found?" I raise a thought that have been weighing on me. Ranvit's frown deepens "I don't know man. I have the same thought but at this point I just want her to be found. If there is a chance in this life I want to beg for her forgiveness. We have done so wrong with her I want to at least correct some of it", his words make me feel equally guilty. "This was something we all did together each of us owes an apology from her" I express my sincere feelings, the deeds that we did against an eight year old kid is still haunting us our past mistakes has never let us live peacefully even for a day. I look at both of my friends one is lying drunkenly on the couch another is drinking non stop trying to forget his own sorrows and I who is trying to get drunk.

We three friends have everything that a person wants in their life money, power and family. But even if we have everything some things are still missing, each of us are carrying a burden deep in our hearts. We have so many wounds that is needed to be healed but we don't have the medicine. There is nothing to soothe our pain other than burying with it an alcohol.