chapter 35

Future and I are sitting on the bar stools around the kitchen island in Tay parent's house. We arrived a few hours ago; Andrew has been helping his dad with the funeral arrangements. Tay hasn't shown up and I have a feeling he will not come at all. I have a cup of tea in my hands and a glass of juice in Future's hands.

"How well did you know Carmen?" I ask Future and take a sip from the mug.

"She was one of the greatest people I have ever known. Her love for the guys was incredible," Future says with a smile on her face.

"Tay was her favorite, but she didn't make Nate or Andrew feel otherwise. She also loved them tremendously," Future says.

"From the little time I spent with her, I could tell she was a great mother," I agree with Future.

Andrew walks in with two shopping bags. "Here is what you ladies asked for?" Andrew says and hands us the bags. Future asked him to get us black dresses for tomorrow.

"Thanks, babe." Future says.

"Is everything ready for tomorrow?" I ask.

"Yea, dad just wants to get this over with," Andrew says and I nod in understanding. It's already late, so I excuse myself and make my way to the room Andrew offered with the bag he gave me.

The room is small but averagely small; the walls are painted in dark grey. There's a bed in the middle of the room, a white carpet covering the whole room. There are pictures attached to the wall. I make my way to the door behind the bed like I predicted, it's a bathroom. I grab a toothbrush I found in one cupboard and brush my teeth. I wash my face and take off my boots and jeans, leaving the sweater and socks on, and climb on the bed.

I pull the blanket up and drift off to sleep thinking about Tay, if he is alright or not.

****

A knock on the door jolted me awake; I dragged myself from the bed and walked to the door. I open it to find Future on the other side.

"Hey," I say, and I rub my sleepy eyes.

"Hey, I just wanted to make sure you are awake. Meet us in the kitchen once you are done, okay?" Future says.

"Um… see you in a bit," I say, and Future nods.

I close the door and walk to the bathroom. I take a quick shower and dress up in the dress Andrew bought. It is a V-neck long sleeve dress and rests just below my knees. I put on black pajamas and leave my hair hanging down my shoulders. I cover my head with a black doek, walk out of the room, and make my way to the kitchen. Andrew is in a black suit and Future in a short sleeve black dress, her hair covered in a black doek too. As usual, she is wearing heels. "Hey," I say.

"Hey, ready?" Future asks and I nod.

"Where is Christopher?" I ask.

"Already left," Andrew informs us, and we walk out to Andrew's car. I get in the back seat while Andrew gets into the driver's seat and Future in the passenger seat.

"Is Tay coming?" I ask Andrew.

"I don't know. I tried to call him this morning, but his phone keeps going to voicemail," Andrew says, and we stay silent for the rest of the drive.

We arrived at the cemetery and we all climbed out. There are some cars parked here already. We make our way to where everyone is seated. There is a green carpet on the floor. We walk towards Christopher. "I'm so sorry for your loss," I say to Chris and hug him.

"I'm so sorry for your loss" Future tells him too, and they share a hug.

"Have you talked to any of your brothers?" Chris asks Andrew.

"Yes, I promised Nate I would FaceTime him so that he could see the service. Tay's phone is off," Andrew tells Chris as we take our seats in the front rows.

A creamy coffin is in the view for everyone to see and a picture of Carmen next to the coffin. The priest starts the service.

I keep looking for Tay as the service goes on, but he hasn't shown up. After a few minutes, we stand up as the coffin goes down the grave. I notice a figure standing between the tombstones wearing black jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black leather jacket. His hands in his pocket.

I blink and narrow my eyes and notice that the figure is Tay. I poke Future on the arm, still looking at Tay. "What happened?" Future whisper asks.

"Tay came," I told Future.

"Where is he?" Future asks and I lift my finger towards Tay.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Chris stands up and I look up to see David in a black suit and glasses.

"I came to say goodbye," he says, taking off his glasses.

"Goodbye? You don't deserve to be here," Chris pushes David back.

"She was mine first," David yells.

"She was never yours, you psycho," Chris yells, pushing David. Andrew tries to stop his father.

"Because you took her away from me. You knew I loved her first, but you still dated her," David yells.

"She chose me! I didn't steal her." Andrew holds Chris back as he tries to attack David.

"Leave David,"

David looks at the coffin and turns around, leaving. All this hatred because of Carmen loved Chris and not him.

After the coffin is buried, Tay disappears, and we all make our back to the house.

We spend the rest of the evening at Christopher's house and drive home later.

I walk into our room to find it empty; I sigh and walk to the bathroom to take a quick shower. I dress up in my pajamas; t-shirt and shorts and get under the sheets.

The next few days go by as a blur; I wake up alone on the bed and go to bed alone. Tay avoids everyone in the house; Andrew once tried to talk to him but didn't get through him. I don't know how to help him because he won't let me in.

It is Thursday afternoon and I don't have plans, so I take a walk around. I pull my hoodie up and walk anywhere my legs would take.

After hours of walking, I can cross a bookstore. I decide to check it out; I pull the door to walk in but come face to face with Chad holding a book.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I ask. He waves a book in front of me and the smell of a new book makes me long for reading and get lost in the world of fiction.

"So, what brings you here?" Chad asks.

"I took a walk, and I ended up here," I tell Chad.

"Do you want to grab something to eat? I know a great place," Chad asks.

"Sure," I replied.

We walk down the street and enter a shop written 'Ben' at the top. We take a booth at the corner; a waiter comes to take our order.

I order a chocolate milkshake since I'm not hungry and Chad goes with a coffee and muffins. It's dark outside, cars moving, and people going up and down, some crossing the street.

"So, what's bothering you?" Chad asks and takes a sip from his mug.

"What?" I ask.

"You haven't said a word since we got here other than ordering. Clearly, something is bothering you." Chad says.

I sigh, "How do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?" I ask.

"Um… be specific," Chad says and takes a bite of his muffin.

'Carmen passed on and everyone has their own way of grieving but Tay is shutting everyone out,'" I tell Chad and my subconscious scolds me for telling him about Tay and I affairs.

"Tay has always been like that since from a young age. He was forced to mature at an early age. When his father started Payne Corporations, Tay had to take care of himself. Carmen and Chris were focused on making the company a success. Nana was there for him, but she also had a family of her own. He had to take care of himself most of the time." Chad informs me.

"The company became a success and his parents could turn their attention to their children again. Tay wanted to go to culinary school, but his father wanted him to run the family business, so he buried his dream and studied Economics and Accounting at University. He wanted to own a restaurant one-day. I remember how his face used to light up whenever he spoke about food. I think he eventually fell in love with running a company." Chad says, and my heart aches for Tay.

"He has always been good at hiding his emotions. Yes, his parents loved him, and he loved them back too, but a part of him just wanted to be free. They always expected him to be perfect, and he pleased them." He says, and I take a sip from my milkshake.

"How did David become a shareholder?" I ask.

"You remember when I said Chris and Carmen were trying to get Payne Corporations to work, right?" I nod.

"They needed money and David had it, so he gave them the money for him to become a shareholder," he informs.

"How do you know all of this information?" I ask.

"I told you Tay was my college buddy." I roll my eyes at him.

"And how do you know you love someone?" I ask.

"Okay. Um... I cannot answer that question because people view love differently," Chad tells me.

'Tell me how you view love in your perspective," I say. Chad pinches the bridge of his nose, thinking.

"All I can tell you is that all roads lead to love," Chad says.

"What does that even mean?" I ask.

'And here I thought you knew everything," Chad teases.

"Just because I know how to solve equations and numbers in ten seconds doesn't mean I know everything," I tell Chad, and he lets out a short laugh.

"One day you will understand," Chad says.

After an hour of talking to Chad, I walked back home. It was dark outside. Chad offered to drop me off, but I wanted to clear my head after our talk.

I knew Tay loved his family more than anything in the world, but to give up his dreams to please his father is a whole new level.

I arrive home after a few minutes and I open the door to dim the lights. I take off my hoodie and make my way to our room. I walk in to face a worried Tay, pacing back and forth.

"God! I was so worried about you. Why didn't you answer your phone?" Tay asks and crashes me into a bear hug.

"My phone must have..." I don't even get to finish my sentence.

"All that matters is that you are here," Tay says, and breaks the hug. He inspects my body looking for what I think is injuries.

"I didn't think you would be worried anyway," I say and walk away from him.

"What do you mean by that? You know I care about you." Tay says, and I walk back to him.

"Then why do you do that?" I ask when I'm in front of him.

"Do what?" Tay asks.

"Why won't you talk to me?" I ask with a pleading voice.

"But I am talking to you."

"Stop making fun of me," I say, and cross my arms over my chest.

"Can we just talk about something else?" Tay asks, and I glare at him.

"Come, we don't want your feet to hurt tomorrow," Tay says, and guides me to the bed.

"I know it was wrong of me to shout at you and I'm sorry for taking out my anger at you," Tay says and intertwines his fingers together.

"Throughout my life, I have been putting others' needs before mine," Tay informs me, and turns to look at me.

"I'm sorry for investigating you. I swear I only read the first page about your education; I promise." Tay says sincerely.

"It's okay but in the future, if you want to know something about me, ask." I scold. Tay half-smiles and nods.

"I tried to make everyone happy, but I failed Olivia," Tay says, and I take his hand and squeeze it a little.

"You can't be a hero in every one's life you know?" I say and press my lips together with a small smile.

"But I can at least try," Tay whispers.

"Even Heroes need saving sometimes, my love." I freeze after I blurt out the last two words, I never thought I would live to say. My heart is beating fast, the room is quiet, and I want the ground to open and swallow me.

"What did you just say?" Tay whispers, asking, his breath right on my face.

"I said my love," I responded, and stared right into Tay's brown eyes, holding me in place. I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat while waiting for him to say something.

Tay lifts his hand and caresses my cheek. "I love you so much, love," Tay says, and my heart is pounding like never before. My chest is heaving up and down, my stomach is in knots. A burning sensation builds in the pit of my stomach.

I want to say it back to him, but my tongue is stuck in my mouth.

"You don't have to say it back to me if you don't feel the same, I understand," Tay says. I know I have hurt him by not saying it back, so I pull him towards my face by his neck and mold our lips together, hoping that maybe he will get his answer through the kiss.

His hands wrap around my waist, and I tuck the roots of his hair as he deepens the kiss. He bites my lower lip and I part my lips, and he slips his tongue in. I moaned as he thrust into my mouth. I run my hands through his hair, and he moans out my name. His fingers tug at my t-shirt and pull it over my head, exposing my half-naked body.

He lifts me up and within seconds I feel a soft material beneath me. Tay hovers over me and connects our lips. My hands travel down to the hem of his shirt, and I pull it up, and he uses his hand to finish the job for me and connect our lips again. My hands travel down his hard build-up chest, and he moans.

He breaks the kiss and kisses down my jaw to my neck. He sucks my neck while his hand caresses my nipple. He parts my legs and settles himself between my legs. I close my eyes and pull my lower lip between my teeth at the burning sensation in the pit of my stomach.

Tay sucks the area connecting my neck and shoulder. I pull his hair hard and he moans against my skin, sending chills down my spine.

"Fuck," Tay says, and trail wet kisses down the valley between my breasts. I throw my head back and my toes dig into the white sheet.

He sucks my nipple and uses the other hand to pinch my other nipple. I bury my hands in his hair as he travels down my stomach. He plants small kisses on my abdomen and looks at me through his eyelashes. My chest is heaving up and down; he unbuttoned my jeans and pulls them down my legs. He trails wet kisses up my leg after he tosses my jeans on the floor.

Tay moves up and molds our lips together. My hands move on their own accord and fumble with his jeans button. After what felt like an eternity, I lifted myself and pulled his pants down. He finishes it and hovers over me again.

My body is burning up with fire. We are both panting. He molds our lips together and trails his hand down my stomach to my throbbing heat.

"Already wet," Tay says seductively in my mouth, and I hum. He breaks the kiss and moves down to remove my panties. His finger circles around my clit and my eyes roll at the back of my head in pleasure.

"Ah," I moan.

"You are dripping," Tay says, and continues his mission on my clit.

"Tay" I moan out his name, and he hums in response.

"Please," I say. I honestly do not know if I want him to stop or to continue.

"Please what?" Tay whispered, asking against my heat.

"I need you, please," I beg, and Tay snaps his head from my throbbing heat.

"Are you sure?" Tay asks and I nod, panting.