A Christmas present

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The same parting scene as yesterday.

- I'll come tonight," he said.

- As you wish," she replied.

The door closed softly behind him, and he hunched over, lowering his arms. Three or four minutes later the door swung open again. He didn't even have to turn round to know that she was standing behind him, watching him calmly.

- It's Saturday," he reminded her.

She remained silent-he hadn't asked a question, and she'd learnt not to talk like that.

- Why did you drag me out of bed so early? - He asked.

- Always like this," she said after a long pause.

He breathed in the still cool and clear April morning air.

- Get dressed," he commanded. - Let's go for a walk.

She closed the door-not shut it-and went upstairs. He could hear her light footsteps on the stairs. She was gone for a while, and then the door opened, and he turned round to see... She was in a light light coat and a dress just below her knees. Around her neck was a silk scarf that could easily move over her head. Stockings slightly darker than her skin, mid-heeled shoes, gloves and a purse to match the shoes... Dark glasses. A well-dressed Muggle girl, indeed! Harry smiled involuntarily.

- You're stunning," he explained his smile. - Where shall we go? - she froze silently. - No preference?

- You invited," she clarified.

The fact that she didn't repeat "as you wish" seemed like a blessing to him. He held out his hand to her, but she clearly didn't understand the gesture. Rolling his eyes, he took her hand in his and squeezed it tightly. As they walked slowly towards the park, she pulled her head into her collar, as if hiding, and thought about something.

- 'Pansy,' he called out. She did not answer. - Pansy!

- Potter," she sighed uncertainly.

- Oh, that's what you call me! - he resented her in a mock indignation. - Then I'll call you Parkinson!

- Parkinson," she agreed.

- But I don't want to call you Parkinson! - he exclaimed. - You're Pansy. You could call me Harry.

- Potter," she objected.

Her tone didn't change, though, whether she agreed or disagreed. It didn't change at all, no matter what was going on. Almost. Harry was beginning to think he could at least pick up some of the nuances.

- I insist," he said. - You must call me Harry. That is my wish.

- As you wish," she agreed readily.

- Say it," he commanded. - Say Harry. I want to hear it.

- Potter," she said lazily.

'Bloody hell! Oh, she's kidding! He was absolutely certain that a shadow of a chuckle flashed across her seemingly impassive face! It was like the mark of a swallow flickering high in the sky. He tugged at her arm, stopping her and pulling her close to him. Through his dark glasses he could see that she lowered her eyelashes and her lips opened tantalisingly. They'd practised a lot of lip and tongue wrestling last night, and now here it was turning out that she liked it.

- It feels awfully good to kiss you," he admitted, nestling his lips against hers.

She, of course, made no reply.

Towards noon he felt that she was tired, though her gait was still as light as ever. Leaving her in front of a small café, he went inside and bought the picnic basket he had packed - snacks, fruit, water and a large thermos of tea. They even rented out a large thick blanket to use as a bedding. When he came out, he found her standing, turning towards a small coffee shop that brewed a good Italian espresso. He walked over and stood next to her.

- You probably shouldn't drink coffee," he said hesitantly.

She didn't even turn her head in his direction, staring fixedly in the direction of the coffee shop. Just as the door opened, letting out the clerk who was carrying orders to the customers seated at a table outside, a slight gust of wind wafted the coffee aroma to them, and he could have sworn her nostrils moved almost imperceptibly. It was another small, almost imperceptible detail in the portrait of her that he'd been building in his head brick by brick. He touched her arm lightly and went inside, bought an espresso in a cup and handed it to her. She took it in both hands and dutifully dipped her nose into it, covering her eyes. He thought he saw a look of bliss spread across her face. Though, of course, nothing in her face had changed.

It was getting warm now, and he offered to take her coat from her. He spread his coat in the park, and she sat down, tucking her legs up gracefully and pulling her dress over her knees. She spread brie on the offered galette and accepted a mug of hot tea from him. She gazed silently at the ducks in the pond, and he could physically feel the warmth spreading through her. Her dress was low-cut, and she had removed her shawl, allowing him to admire the delicate hollow between her collarbones. A loose strand of hair fluttered lightly in the breeze, and he almost thought she was squinting with pleasure as she turned her face to the sun-adjusted for the microscopic nature of her emotions.

- Tell me something," he asked, leaning back and putting his hands behind his head.

- It's hard for me," she replied.

- I want you to talk more," he explained. - I want you to end up telling me everything. So practice. And don't skimp on the words, please.

- Why? - She asked.

- Consider it my whim," he stated.

- Tell me what? - she asked, after a moment's thought.

- Whatever you want," he shrugged. - Tell me, how come you're making these wonderful paintings?

- Idleness," she said.

- 'Pansy,' he asked.

- I... had... nothing else... to do," she said slowly, tasting the words carefully with her tongue as if she were walking on broken glass. - No one wanted to talk to me... There wasn't much money... I... had loved to draw since I was a child... There were some left in the attic. A lot.

He coughed expressively, and she shook her head, giving him a quick glance.

- In the attic... there are still folders... with drawings..." she corrected herself. - When... When they stopped talking to me... I decided... it was no use... killing myself... I went to a Muggle shop. Bought thread... embroidery books... The first painting... I did... for almost six months. It hurt my fingers," she glanced at him again. - At first, my fingers... were bare. I stabbed them all over. I sewed the second one to my own design. I managed to sell the third one. I ran out of money. By that time... I was almost out of money. After three years, it started to work.

- I've never seen anything like this before," he confessed. - Especially those two paintings in your bedroom.

- The last one," she said. - I just did that one recently.

- For yourself? - he guessed.

- For myself," she confirmed.

It seemed to him that she was not very pleased that he had interrupted her routine. Every now and then she clenched her fists, as if kneading her fingers, and he could sense that she was anxious to be alone with her embroidery again. I wondered how she would cope when the baby came. Either way, though, he'd be there for her. Unable to resist, he reached out and covered her palm, which was just resting on his knee. She covered his hand with the other one, then pulled away and removed the first one, leaving his palm resting on her knee. He squeezed her hand and ran it along his thigh, and then she returned her hand as it was. He wondered if she noticed the way her fingers were tracing his hand, lightly tracing an intricate pattern, but when he saw her eyes half-closed, he didn't ask-she knew exactly what she was doing, and he was afraid he'd spoil her amusement.

- Would you like me to tell you something, too? - he asked.

- As you wish," she replied.

- "Tell me, Pansy, when you say 'as you wish,' you know exactly what I'm going to do, don't you?" he smiled. - he smiled. - Do you answer in a way that makes you seem submissive and unquestioning? Are you misleading me? Hiding your claws?

She opened her eyes and looked at him intently, then leaned back, resting her hand on the side of his head, the other holding his hair back so it wouldn't get in his face, and kissed him. When she pulled away, she sat up as before, as if nothing had happened.

- I get it," he laughed. - It's all a terrible secret, and I should still think you're white and fluffy," she didn't answer, but seemed to shrug. - What do you want me to tell you?

- Just about myself," she replied, squinting again. - 'After school...

- I didn't tell you? - he wondered.

- You didn't have time for that," she said. - Drinking and bed... Sometimes at the same time. Always a lot.

- It's awful," he shook his head. - Well... After school... I made up my mind to be an Auror in high school... I mean, to hurt one... I made a promise that I would... There was a war going on, and I thought being an Auror meant fighting dark forces... If only I'd known!

- Boring? - she asked.

- I'm sure it is! - he exclaimed. - I don't understand why two hundred big foreheads are beating their arses all day long! No, once a month something good happens, of course, but two hundred people... That's how they get involved in the dark arts. Boredom. If it were up to me, I'd split them in half, one red, one blue, and let them fight. The losers to Azkaban for five years. The remainder would be split in half again after a year.....

- Interesting," she said in an indifferent tone.

- I studied for three years, and then I passed my exams and became an Auror," he summarised. - I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was made Deputy Chief of the Aurorate as soon as I joined.

- Ashamed? - she interjected.

- Of course you are," he shrugged. - I didn't know or know how to do anything beyond the general course. At twenty-two, you begin to realise things like that.

- Married," she said.

- Yes, you know, somehow out of inertia..." he confirmed. - Everyone wanted it from me, friends and not so much. It was so romantic, by all accounts.

- Hermione," she reminded him.

- 'Oh, yes, Hermione,' he agreed. - 'No, Hermione didn't want me to get married. She wanted it herself... We even did for a while... And then I realised it was incest.

- Interesting," she repeated.

- Yeah," he nodded. - I mean, I love her, but as a sister... Good, at least....

- She didn't get knocked up," she finished, putting her hand on her stomach.

- Yeah, she's not knocked up," he confirmed. - Pansy?

- Yes," she looked at him.

- I'm glad you're having my baby," he said.

She leaned towards him again to kiss him.

- 'Me too,' she said, bending down.

- Anyway, I married Ginny," he continued. - And it turned out to be a nightmare! To begin with, her mother was practically living with us....

- Keeping an eye on her," she said.

- Yeah, so I wouldn't do anything to her girl," he grinned. - Something naughty. You know, like taking your lawful wife to bed, ripping her clothes off... I think she's only done that seven times in her life, and her husband had to render her unconscious. No Muffliato helped - at the slightest suspicious sound she would start pounding on the door, wondering in a high-pitched voice what we were doing there. So bed was once a week at best. Unless the young wife had a headache. Which, as it turned out, she often did.

- I never have headaches," she put in just in case.

- I'll remember," he nodded. - I started cheating.

- Cheating? - she clarified.

- Yes, cheating," he agreed. - It turned out that I didn't have to marry the second girl I was in bed with.....

- And then you met..." she couldn't resist.

- No," he shook his head. - The first grief came first. Ginny lost the baby.

- How? - she replied.

- Well, it started when she sensed that our relationship was about to fracture," he began.

- And she got knocked up," she said nonchalantly.

- And knocked up," he confirmed. - In the fifth month, Ron returned from a trip to South America with magical fever. Ginny got sick too...

She shuddered and put her hand on her stomach again. He covered it with his own and squeezed his fingers.

- Ginny drank, and I, too, was on the verge of drowning my sorrows in wine," he confirmed her guess. - And then a few months later I met someone else.

- And fell in love," she replied.

- I didn't notice anything at all then," he explained.

- I know," she nodded.

- When I divorced Ginny, I didn't think she even realised what had happened," he said. - And then...

- Ended it," she suggested.

- Yes," he agreed. - And on our wedding night, too, our first night.

He fell silent, looking up at the sky. She sat quietly beside him, stroking his hand.

- I want to go home," she said half an hour later, when the sky in the west was beginning to turn orange and pink.

- Would you mind if I came over to your place and then stayed the night in your bed? - He asked. - Just to warm the bed, of course.

- As you wish," she replied.

When they reached her flat, she sent him to wash his hands and ran up the stairs to change and tidy up. He sat down in the living room and was finally opening a Henry Kuttner book when she returned - already in her usual homely attire - and walked into the kitchen. The book turned out not to be about wizards at all, and after a while he got bored. Putting it back in its place, he went to see what Pansy was doing.

She was standing at the kitchen table, cutting something up and throwing it into a bubbling pot. As he approached, she was just bending over reaching for some spice, and her dress pulled seductively over her buttock. He slapped the appetising roundness and stood beside her, smiling, peering into her face. She was stunned and stared through the wall in front of her with widened eyes, completely forgetting about her brew.

- First of all, I have a big, sharp knife in my hand," she said after half a minute with barely perceptible surprise in her voice.

He pulled her close and put one hand on her belly, the other squeezing the injured bulge. She spun round, almost stabbing him, and he pulled her against him.

- And secondly? - He asked, pressing his forehead against hers.

- What?" she didn't understand, licking her lips.

- You said first," he explained. - So there must be a second.

- And secondly..." she said. - And secondly...

- And secondly," he said.

- Let go! - she said. - Now! This is why I don't want you in the kitchen!

- Pansy...' he began.

- Let go! - She repeated stubbornly, blushing rapidly.

He unclasped his hands in annoyance and raised them, revealing empty palms. She immediately turned back to the table and began feverishly chopping the scattered vegetables, throwing them into the latrine. She turned down the heat and sighed convulsively, setting the knife aside. She rested her hands on the edge of the table and hovered, staring at nothing again.

- 'Pansy,' he called out.

- Go away! - She answered.

He came up behind her and pressed in again, sliding his hands under her arms and squeezing her breasts. She sighed again, but this time, he thought, with relief. He ran his hands around her waist, down to her hips and pulled up her dress. She turned her head, pulling back and covering her eyes at the same time, and he found her lips immediately.

She had timed it exactly - after they had given the kitchen table a good test of her strength, he relieved her of the rest of her clothes and carried her to the sofa in the living room, where he re-secured his success. Barely out of breath, she dashed off to gather laundry and shower while he stared blissfully at the ceiling on the couch.

- Dinner," she announced, rousing him from his slumber and simultaneously letting him know that he had run out of words for the day.

She already looked immaculate and smelled fresh. Her hair was styled again, and she had chosen to wear a different dress, one that was tighter and tighter, and so tight that he could clearly see the complete lack of underwear underneath. He jumped up, trying to catch her, but she slid to the side and dodged away with an independent look, without even seeming to make any effort. A set of his clothes lay nearby. When he was fully dressed and buttoning his shirt, she came close to adjust his collar. He involuntarily reached for her with his hands.

- No," she said.

- 'But Pansy...' he began.

- "Do you know what 'no' means?" - She asked. - Even when you were drunk, you understood.

- I'm sorry," he sighed. - Can I just kiss you?

She puffed up her cheek and pouted her lips, let him touch her with a kiss, and fluttered over to the already set table, waiting for him to take his seat. As usual, he motioned for her to sit down and seated himself. The dinner was lamb stewed with vegetables. He picked up the utensils and tried to decide which piece to start with. He blinked, and suddenly the bottom of the plate was smoothly cleaned with a piece of bread. He looked down at the plate in bewilderment and resentment, and then at Pansy, who glanced at him in her usual manner.

- Mm," he mumbled. - Isn't there any more? It's a bit sudden, isn't it?

- That's nice," she said. - Wait, now...

- I'll do it myself," he jumped up and went to the kitchen with a plate.

He put the plate next to the latte and put another portion for himself. He didn't hear footsteps, but the sound of a thin palm slapping his bottom filled the kitchen. She stood beside him, leaning sideways on the table and staring intently into his eyes.

- Did you blow your arm off? - he guessed, turning round to her. - Let me give it to you!

She gave him her palm, and he began to blow gently, then put it to her cheek.

- How was it? - he asked.

- Interesting... experiment," she replied.

- Did you like it? - he asked.

- When? - she asked again.

- Now... and when I... - he smiled.

- It was unexpected then," she replied. - I was confused...

- Did I offend you? - he said worriedly. - I'm sorry, please.

- No," she said. - I realised later... It's like asserting your right....

- Well, it's not like that," he almost got upset. - It's like honouring a nice ass... How can I explain it to you?

- I gave you that right," she said calmly. - It's okay.

- So you don't mind... expressing your delight in this way? - He asked, biting his lip.

- As you wish," she replied.

- Do you? - he asked. - How about you?

- As if I had asserted my right," she said. - As if it were mine.

- And how was that? - he continued to inquire.

- New," he thought she shrugged. - Dinner was not finished.

They returned to the table, and he was eager for more. She was a wonderful cook, and if she kept this up, soon he wouldn't fit through the doorway. How to keep a healthy complexion and round cheeks after a six-month binge? The secret is simple - all you have to do is sleep in the right snowdrift. And then, maybe you'll be lucky and some caring smart girl will bring you home and won't even mind when you decide to abuse her hospitality... However, she did everything just fine, not only cooking. Except, of course, for her more than passive approach to intimacy. But he wouldn't discuss that subject with her, at least not now.

- Thank you," he said, wiping his mouth with a napkin. - It was delicious!

- You're welcome," she said, but, contrary to her usual custom, she didn't move from her seat to make a little whirlwind of clearing the table, but looked at him for some reason.

She looked at him intently and without looking away. Of course, her gaze was as impassive as usual, but for some reason it made him uncomfortable. He could tell that her thoughts had gone off the beaten track and were wandering down uncharted paths, but he hadn't been able to figure out what she was thinking about in the past few days. If he had tried to guess from the expression on her face, it would have appeared that her thoughts were simply the quiet murmur of leaves in the evening garden, though it was clear to him that she had erected a high stone wall between her outer world and her inner world, over which only her strongest emotions could cross, and even then she had lost almost all her strength in overcoming the obstacle.

Now it was evident that she was trying to decide something for herself. No, her expression didn't change, still impassive, but the fact that she didn't glance at him as she usually did, but lingered, meant something. And, it seemed to him, it meant something not very pleasant. Rising, he took a chair, placed it beside her, and sat down. He took her palm in his hand and looked into the eyes that had been watching him all this time.

- What's wrong? - he asked. - What's troubling you?

She again went beyond her usual behaviour and answered at once, without delay - perhaps even before he had finished his question - as if she had waited and prepared her short answer in advance.

- There are too many of you," she replied.

- Am I disturbing you? - He didn't understand. - Don't you want to see me?

- I do," she countered. - A problem.

- Why? - he asked dumbfounded. - Why do you think it's a problem that you want to see me?

- Alone," she replied. - Always.

- No, no," he shook his head. - What on earth are you saying?

She didn't answer, but she looked away, and now she was just as quietly looking away. He pushed back with his chair, stood up, and pulled her with him.

- 'Come here,' he called, lifting her from the chair.

As it seemed to him, she pressed her lips together irritably - at least, he could swear they moved a fraction of a millimetre - and obeyed... He didn't want to think that he could actually order her around, especially since he knew for a fact that she was still doing exactly as she saw fit, no matter how much she repeated, "As you wish..." She followed him, a shadow of curiosity running across her face following her displeasure. A very pale and indistinct shadow that he nonetheless discerned. He settled himself in the chair and pulled her gently towards him. She, however, did not yield and remained standing. He sat up straight and pulled her around his waist.

- On your knees? - She asked with a subtle shift of her eyebrows. - It's harder that way.

- I'm not going to make it easy for you," he explained. - On the contrary! If I'm right about what you want to say, say it on my lap. Since you're so determined and brave!

- I'm not! - She objected.

- Then just sit on my lap and be quiet, and forget about your speech! - he said and pulled her towards him again.

She sat up straight and froze, listening to the sensations. Then she fidgeted a little, and he took advantage of that to pull her close. She sat up a little longer and squirmed again. Her sensations at this point, though, he could remotely understand. If she'd never been kissed before Wednesday, she'd hardly ever let anyone sit on her lap before. Unless it was her parents, and even then at a tender age. Where are they, by the way? After a little more fumbling, she finally froze and looked up at him with a triumphant look. At least the twinkle in her eyes wasn't just a glint in his eye.

- That's not all," he smiled and pulled her to him by the neck.

She let him rest her head on his shoulder with a slight resistance and began to toss and turn again, trying to figure out what was wrong. He stroked her back at the same time, to ease her potential suffering a little. When she realised something, she pulled away, slid her hand under his head and lowered her head again, her nose against his neck. He pulled up the hem of her dress, and when she was quiet, he slid his hand under it and began to stroke and squeeze her thighs.

- Hand," she said quietly.

- I told you I intended to make it difficult for you," he explained, kissing her cheek. - Do you still want to tell me something?

His hand slid between her thighs, gently clenching the inside of her thighs. She breathed harder and squeezed them tighter at first, then pulled them apart slightly, allowing him to move up.

- I want to," she finally exhaled, her hot breath scorching his neck.

- Should I say it? - he clarified, as the situation was as ambiguous as her answer.

- To say too," she replied, and moaned faintly as his fingers began to caress her.

- I'm listening," he whispered, reaching the hand that had been hugging her to her breast.

- You...have...to...leave," she muttered forcefully.

- I can't just do that," he wondered. - Why would you?

- I think," she clarified. - A lot. Almost all the time.

- About what? - he asked.

- About everything," she replied. - Today... I've taken... liberties... I'll be thinking... A lot.

An almost inaudible moan came out of her, and she hugged herself to him, arching up to give him easier access to her fingers.

- I don't want to think... Ahhh..." she continued. - 'Not about anyone. Just resigned... Settled... to myself. You're going to leave. It'll be bad. Very bad. Better now, while...

She bent sharply and bucked her hips together, clutching his hand with her legs and gripping his forearm with her free hand, and he felt her shake. Her head rolled back and she opened her mouth as if to scream. He stopped his caresses and began to cover her exposed neck with kisses.

- A-a-ack-ack," she mumbled, breathing heavily.

She took a few moments to recover, then moved her hips, pushing his hand away. Her pant leg was soaked with moisture, but it didn't bother him, just as it didn't seem to bother her. She sat up straight, staring in front of her.

- ...Before it's too late," she finished.

- Before it's too late for what? - he asked, fighting the temptation to lick his fingers.

- Before you get used to it," she explained.

- Until you believed it would always be like this? - he asked again.

- Yes," she answered.

He pulled away and kissed her on the lips. She was getting better at it, and he quickly felt himself getting hotter, turning her on at the same time.

- You should have chased me away the first night," he said, touching his nose to hers.

- At Christmas? - she wondered. - A present.

- What gift? - He didn't understand.

- Potter," she explained.

- Were you joking again? - He smiled and touched her lips lightly with his.

- Yes. No," she replied.

- So you picked me up in a snowdrift on Christmas night, and when I came to you, you thought that after all the years of loneliness, even Potter was a wonderful gift? - He couldn't believe it.

- 'Yes,' she agreed. - 'Not like that, but yes.

- I don't understand anything,' he shook his head. - explain, please.

- You decided it was yours,' she repeated. - 'I gave you that right.

- I've heard that before! - he said irritably. - And not only do I feel like I've forced you to do it, but..." he said.

- I didn't ask when," she interrupted.

- When what? - He did not understand.

- I gave you the right," she said calmly.

A thought darted through his mind, picking up her meagre words, completing her sentences and dumping them back on him. A hunch made him open his mouth.

- Were you glad it was me? - He asked. - You already were... You... You... You....

- A lot of words," she replied.

- To hell with it,' he shook his head. - Learn to talk! I want to hear! You have to tell me why you wanted me to...'

She reached up to kiss him, covering his mouth, and then began to unbutton his shirt. He realised immediately what she wanted to do and pulled her dress up to her waist, completely exposing everything below.

- The couch," she whispered.

He climbed up with her in his arms, laid her down on the couch, and in a dozen seconds had completely rid himself of her clothes. She sat up, unzipped her dress and pulled it off over her head just in time for him to drop to his knee between her thighs. Pulling her to him by the waist, he entered her at once, and at the same time dug his lips into hers.

- Pansy," he said softly.

- Potter," she replied.

- Did you just offer to make love to me so I wouldn't ask you questions? - he asked, gradually increasing his pace.

- A-ha," she exhaled.

- You have to tell me, Pansy," he said and froze, coming fully into her and pressing himself against her.

- Mean," she remarked, breathing heavily when she realised he wasn't going to continue.

- I know," he agreed. - It's blackmail, and there's no excuse for it. Tell me!

- Now? - She asked and he nodded. - Sad. It was bad. Very.

He kissed her again, stepped out, lifted her leg, ducked down, lay beside her, and came in again, her leg over his hips. This time her eyes were quite clearly rounded - the position was so new to her that the surprise of how it had turned out managed to break through the wall of her alienation. He pulled her against him, tucking his arm under her neck, squeezed her breasts, and moved in a little, going deeper.

- If the memories get really bad, I'll be there to support you," he explained. - Just take it slow.

- Later," she begged. - I promise.

- No, now," he shook his head and kissed her. - Come on.

- I've been thinking a lot," she sighed after a pause. - 'I haven't done anything. Have you?

She looked into his eyes. He grinned.

- I think at least half the people here thought the same thing," he explained. - The fact that you dared to say it out loud is a testament either to your courage or to your catastrophic underestimation of the courage of that half. They just shit their trousers! Malfoy pointed his wand at you even before anyone in Gryffindor did.

- He came by," she nodded. - 'Offered it. The branding. To the basement.

He twitched involuntarily, and she moaned quietly in response.

- To his basement? - he hissed. - A cage? As a slave? Branded? I'll kill...

- I thought... to meet Potter," she continued, looking up at the ceiling and slowly moving her pelvis. - I thought... he'd understand.

- I understand," he replied. - But I don't. I was ready to fight for any student in the school and I thought that everyone should be the same... On the head hit.

- Thought... if Potter forgave, so would the rest of us," she sighed and looked at him again. - I know, Potter. I was desperate. Out of my mind. Obsessing. No-one talks - I don't speak. Potter's kind...

She fell silent and closed her eyes, surrendering to the sensation.

- Wait," he shook his head. - I don't believe it. You couldn't have imagined that I would magically come and solve all your problems, could you? Brighten up your loneliness, get you into bed, marry you?

- No one else," she put in, licking her lips.

- So you thought I was the only one who would talk to you? - He didn't believe it.

- Think about it," she suggested and squeezed his hand on her breast. - Who else?

He realised she was right - indeed, Gryffindor unanimously hated her, and the others were either of the same opinion or simply afraid to be seen in her company. Apart from Potter, snoring carelessly in the Wizengamot and breaking the... er, Minister's desks, there really wasn't anyone else.

- And you've fallen in love with your imaginary saviour? - he asked.

- No," she replied. - Just gave me the right.

- To break into your bedroom and abuse you? - he shook his head.

- Like now? - she asked.

- No, we're making love right now," he objected. - All right, I get it. You gave me the right to make love to you. You're a witch and you wouldn't let anything happen against your will. But why would you make love to someone you don't love?

- You me? - she asked. He didn't answer, and she commented, -Pity!

- You don't love me either," he smirked.

- 'Almost kindly,' she objected. - Who knows.

It was a compliment to Pansy Parkinson that she was almost kind to him. And she makes love to him because she has decided that she doesn't mind it being him. Just as he makes love to her because he doesn't mind at all. You'd have to be a fool to say no. Or to have other commitments. And really, who knows how her "almost kindly" will change in the future! He pressed her tighter and she was the first to set her lips, wrapping her free arm around his head.

When he woke up in the morning, she was still asleep, and he managed to slip out of bed before she did. That was the end of his luck - on his way out of the room he lingered, unable to resist the temptation, and kissed her on the lips. Of course, she blinked her eyes sleepily and stretched. He couldn't resist again and wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling his nose into her hair.

- Potter," she said.

- Lie down," he asked. - Get some more sleep, or just lie in bed in the morning.

- Breakfast," she reminded him.

- Lie down,' he repeated. - Don't worry!

He pulled on his pants and ran downstairs, thinking as he went that last remark was probably unnecessary - she was always as tough as a tank, at least outwardly. In the kitchen I put the kettle on, squeezed about a litre and a half of juice out of a couple of dozen oranges, whisked an omelette for two, chopped onions, sweet peppers, tomatoes and Italian sausages, lightly fried everything, poured it over the omelette and covered it with cheese. In another pan I fried toast in butter one by one, cleaning the pan each time. I made tea and coffee, put it all on plates, poured the drinks, put it all on the big breakfast tray I'd found in bed, and carried it upstairs.

She didn't seem to move, still in bed, but it was obvious to him that she'd at least had time to wash and comb her hair before returning to bed and pretending to be asleep. And curved up like only cats and girls who wanted to continue last night could. He leaned down and kissed her again, and she repeated her sleepy sipping for an encore, finally saw the tray in his hands, opened her eyes, and sat up jerkily.

- What's this? - she asked.

- Breakfast," he smiled. - I'm sorry, I've been in your kitchen for a while....

- Potter," she said, a little taken aback, he thought.

He set the tray on her lap and pulled up another pillow, tucking it under her back. She made herself comfortable, snuggling into the blanket, and leaned over the tray, peering at what was on it. It was an unpretentious breakfast, but he thought her eyes lit up with fire as she folded her palms together as if aiming for an unearthly treat.

- Here, look, toast, and you've got cheese and pâté to go with it," he explained, sitting down beside her feet. - By the manchego I found quince jam, so I put it in the rosette. Shall I pour you some juice?

She shook her head with an energy unusual for her and took the coffee cup in both hands.

- Is that for me? - she asked, just in case.

- 'No,' he shook his head. - But I thought you might like the smell....

She brought the cup to her nose and closed her eyes, inhaling. He could quite clearly see the corners of her lips creep upwards. It shocked him so much that he fell out of reality, gawking, and she, noticing his gaze, put the impassive mask back on her face.

- No," he shook his head as that faint hint of a smile disappeared again.

- What?" she asked again.

- Give it back, please," he asked. - It was you who smiled, wasn't it? I want to see it again!

- I imagined it," she shook her head.

He slid off the bed, kneeling beside her.

- Please, Pansy, please! - he begged. - Smile again. Smile at me!

She looked at him sternly for a while, and then softened, and a faint, embarrassed smile appeared on her face. He jumped up and hugged her, almost knocking the tray off her lap. She pushed him away gently, and he returned to his seat, allowing her to begin her breakfast. You'd think he'd thought of everything, but he hadn't! He had only taken a knife for the pâté, and now she was looking at him with almost condemnation, trying on what to spread the butter with.

- I'll be right back," he jumped up, but she caught him by the arm.

- Don't go," she begged. - Please. I can manage.

He sat down again and began to eat the omelette, breaking it with his fork under her disapproving glances. When it was all eaten, he climbed onto the bed beside her while she took her time savouring the rest of the orange juice.

- You're too much," she said, looking through the wall opposite.

- You'd better smile again," he asked.

- There are too many of you," she cut him off.

He was expecting her to come back to this conversation - it was obvious from her paintings that she was stubborn and persistent, and a little thing like his attempt to distract her with intimacy couldn't sway her resolve. So he was ready.

- 'I realise you're used to being with someone else,' he said. - 'If you need me to, I can leave you until tonight and then come back...'

- No," she objected, taking another sip of her juice glass.

- No - not to leave? - he didn't understand.

- Not to come," she clarified.

- I don't understand, Pansy," he shook his head contritely, sitting down to face her. - Why do you want me to leave?

- I'm used to being alone," she explained, shrugging her shoulders slightly.

- But you won't be alone now," he said indignantly. - You have me and you'll have a child.

She didn't answer him immediately. She sipped her juice in silence for a few minutes, and he waited.

- It's not your baby," she said suddenly.

He felt his eyes darken. And not just because he was used to the idea that he was going to be a father, and he wasn't going to say goodbye to it so easily. No, in addition to that, he suddenly realised that the thought of her being with another man wasn't just unpleasant to him - it stabbed his heart with a painful coldness, at the same time splashing rage into his head.

- Oh, that's how it is," he squeezed out, fighting the simultaneous urge to scream at her at the top of his lungs or grab his head with both hands so he'd never hear anything else.

He remembered that somewhere she had a bottle of the finest ice-cold water she had carefully saved for him, jumped out of bed, and, ignoring the noise behind him, rushed downstairs to fall back into a saving oblivion. The two flights of stairs to the ground floor took exactly four seconds. He flew into the kitchen, immediately finding the bottle, grabbed it, and with his other hand he smacked the neck in a practised movement, causing the cap to twist on its threads and fly into the air. He only had time to take a few sips - then icy needles dug into his throat, preventing him from even breathing, and the twists and turns of his brain froze into ice hummocks, slowing and stopping all thought. He exhaled cautiously, anticipating a wave of oblivion, but nothing happened.

- Pansy? - He asked, opening his eyes.

When she was sure that the sobering spell had worked, she lowered her wand and took the bottle from him.

- It's my baby, Potter," she said grudgingly, looking for something to cover herself with.

Even despite the pathos of the moment, he didn't deny himself the pleasure of admiring the naked girl frantically going through the hopelessly small kitchen towels and sat up, leaning back in his chair. Finally, she simply put on her apron, which made her even more seductive, and sat down opposite, still trying to cover herself. Then she gave up and relaxed, putting the usual mask back on her face.

- It's my baby," she repeated. - You...helped. No more than that.

- I don't agree with that, Pansy," he shook his head.

Stupid jealousy seemed silly now. He'd forgotten again what she'd told him, and she was the one who should have resented him. She had no one in her life but a Christmas Potter found in a snowdrift, and the clumsiness of her wording did not excuse his own stupidity. He was grateful for her generosity in not poking this in his eyes.

- It's my baby and I love it," he said firmly.

- You're too much, Potter," she said sadly. - You get used to good things. You're going to leave... It's going to hurt. It's better to do it now. Please.

- I'm not going anywhere," he shook his head. - I want to be here, Pansy. This is where I belong now.

- A wager? - she suggested.

Somehow he felt uncomfortable with the confidence she exuded in suggesting that he bet.

- Is there something I don't know? - he asked cautiously.

- 'You don't remember,' she corrected.

- Something terrible? - he asked. - Can't you just tell me already?

- I'll clean up first," she said, getting up.

- No," he jumped up. - I'll do it. I'll clean up and do the dishes. Sit down, please.

- Like this? - she asked, pointing at her frivolous outfit.

- It's just perfect," he nodded, putting his arm around her shoulders and kissing her. - Don't go anywhere!

Oddly enough, she obeyed, only setting a towel on her chair. He gathered up the dirty dishes, brought them to the sink, remembering to throw in the dirty pans, spatulas and chopping board, and put them in the sink, saying the spell Fleur had shown him once. The utensils were enveloped in a cloud of water droplets and covered in glistening lumps of foam, which were scrubbed clean and rinsed away together. The process should have taken about five minutes, then it was worth casting the spell that sorted the dishes, putting them in their places, and the cleaning could be considered finished. He pulled a chair over to Pansy and prepared to listen, taking her palms in his.

- 'You went away at Christmas,' she said. - I don't know where. Then... found you again...

- Pansy,' he asked. - 'Tense up, please.

She looked at him - reproachfully, he thought.

- 'The next day, Christmas Day, you left,' she repeated. - I thought I'd never see you again, but every day I came to that snowdrift.

- Did you find me in it again? - he asked with a smile. - When?

- In a week," she explained reluctantly.

- So you got a present for New Year's Eve too? - he was surprised.

- What a conceit," she replied blankly. - You're not a present, Potter.

- I bet I could have you begging to forget about those words in five minutes," he grinned. - A wager?

- We won't," she agreed. - It all happened again. I washed him, I tucked him in, he came and demanded-" he fell silent, as if hesitating. - I came and suggested... - she threw a short glance at him and corrected herself again: - I didn't go anywhere. Tucked her in with...

- Pansy," he reminded her.

- After I washed you, I tucked you in right away," she repeated. - I stopped hurting after the first time. You kept me awake. That's when it all happened..." she lowered her eyes, looking at her belly. - I didn't tell you... Thank you, Potter.

- Pansy, silly, thank you," he smiled.

She looked at him intently, her head tilted slightly to the side, apparently assessing whether he was allowed to call her 'silly'.

- Every five to seven days you'd come over," she continued. - It was good. In February you didn't come alone.

He choked with surprise.

- With a friend? - he was horrified.

- With a friend," she replied. - It was like coming home.

- What a pig! - he was indignant. - And you let me?

- You didn't ask," she explained. - It was like coming home.

- Who is she? - he blurted out.

- The one you'd give up everything for," she replied.

- What would I give up? - he mumbled dazedly. - Why do you keep talking in riddles?

- She was against sleeping together," she said with a vindictive tone. - So you slept with her in the other bedroom. I'm hurt. Potter, do you hear me? You're hurting me. Potter!

Shit, she's not talking about her own feelings. When he came to his senses, he let go of her hands, which he found he had squeezed as if in a vise, and she shook her whitened hands to disperse the blood. Her face did not for a moment lose its impartiality.

- You went to bed with her first," she said nonchalantly. - I could hear perfectly well...

- Shit!" he exclaimed, feeling ashamed of himself, jumping up and running into the living room.

- Tell me, Potter," she asked after him. - Is it normal for her to scream so loudly? Are you sure she's not in pain? Did you hurt her?

He ran to the ground floor lavatory, turned on the cold water tap and stuck his head under it. His heart gradually stopped pounding in his temples and it felt lighter. As he straightened up, he saw her in the mirror.

- Answer me," she asked.

- I don't know," he mumbled. - I don't think I'd hurt anyone... Have I ever hurt you?

- The first time," she answered, her eyes downcast. - Now," she showed him her hand, which was now reddening, clearly promising to turn into a solid bruise.

- I'm sorry," he said and buried himself in the towel. - And the first time... It's always like that.

- I know," she said. - I knew what to expect.

- Who is she, Pansy? - he asked.

- Sometimes he came with her," she continued, ignoring his question. - 'Sometimes without her... You're conscious now and you'll remember. But on your own. You're a detective. It's time to get to work.

- How can I work if the chief witness to my crime won't co-operate with the investigation? - He was outraged.

- I believe in you," she said and went to get dressed.

In the hallway she adjusted his collar and smoothed the creases in his jacket.

- I'll come over tonight," he said, waiting for her usual answer.

- 'No,' she replied. - I'm not expecting you.

He tried to catch a glimpse of her green eyes, but she stubbornly looked away. He kissed her fingers and let go, and her hand fell limply, and he went outside and stood on the porch, waiting for her to open the door again and call him back in. Five minutes later, not waiting, he went down to the pavement and wandered off, letting his feet carry him, while agonising over and over again how he could have let her get rid of him so easily.