Chapter 12

I get out of the car and walk up to my door. I feel Savannah's gaze burning on my back. Just before opening the door I look back and smile back at her. She looks happy, blissed. It looks like she feels exactly like me, except for the embarrassment of last night and my sleepover. She looks happy for that. I turn the key and walk in. My grandparents look at me and smile while drinking their coffee. "What?" I say.

"Oh, nothing." My grandmother says.

"Ok, good morning then."

"I bet it is."

I look at them weird, then go in my room. Today it's a relax day. I go to the big toilet with a towel and my soaps. I switch on the bathtub, make myself tea and jump in. I get a message.

Savannah:

[10:24]: hey, just wanted to say that I had fun. we should do it again sometime

Rose:

[10:25]: Yeah, sure. As long as you don't bring me home again.

Savannah:

[10:25]: shame. you free tomorrow?

Rose:

[10:25]: Yeah, why?

Savannah:

[10:26]: be out your door at 10am, I'll pick you up

I smile even though I'm irritated at her lack of correct punctuation.

When I finish my bath I go back to my room in my robe. Even that is so white that it's almost blinding. I lay on my bed and check my insta. Lots of people from school started following me, I really hope I didn't do much of a show last night. I also get a bit of story mentions from Savannah's friends. Some I've already reposted, I suppose in the period I can't recall, others I didn't. I repost the decent ones, the others I just let them go. Martina and Lorenzo ask me how last night went. I just told them it was a bit wild but nothing happened. I don't want them to know. They're my only friends but I feel like they're not part of my life anymore. When I left we cried so hard, we promised each other we would stay in touch, but it's not the same. They're different as a couple now and even if they weren't I'm sure it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be us but them plus me. And I think that if I didn't leave they wouldn't have admitted that they liked each other. I get up, go in the bathroom and apply my face-mask. Why is Savannah always on my goddamn mind. I don't like how I am when I'm around her. I'm the old me and I don't want to be the old me in America. I don't want to be popular, I don't want to treat people like shit but I also want a friend and to not be treated like shit. I don't know what to do. I should just get detention and meet someone there. But I don't want to have a bad reputation with my teachers. I don't know, one day I'll just talk to one of the nerds and I'll surely find a friend. Maybe even more than one. But I'm not a nerd. Ugh. I open my computer and get some homework done. I take off my mask, dress and go back to finishing my essay but I can't concentrate on anything that's not Savannah. I go to the closet and look for something to ware tomorrow. About that, "Grandma!" I scream from my room.

"Yes, honey?"

"May I go out tomorrow, please?"

"Yeah, sure. You don't even have to ask. Is it the girl from last night?"

"Uhm, yeah."

"Uh, good luck." In the meanwhile she went to the corridor to look at me smiling with an I-know-what's-going-on look.

I go back to choosing my clothes. I pick some long, high-waisted black jeans a bit stripped at the knee part, a checkered long shirt and a black strapless top. I get a black bandana, black laced underwear and a matching bra. Oh for God's sake, why am I choosing nice underwear, it's not like she's going to see it. I should get a strapless bra. I hate those. I hate strapless tops too, but nevermind. I put everything on a hanger and hang in to the handles of my wardrobe. Someone knocks at my door.

"Come in." I say.

"Hey, there's the boy that you used to see this summer outside, Mark, I think he's called." My grandfather announces, while I hold my bra up. He looks at it weirdly and says "Do they exist? How do they stay up?"

"They don't, they keep falling. But then, they don't have much to cling onto." He laughs as I go out of my room and towards the front door. I see Mitch standing weirdly.

"What." I say, cold and dry.

"You forgot your...scarf?"

"It's to keep your shoulders warm, I don't know if you can define it as a scarf." I get it and close the door. He blocks it and says "I'm sorry for what happened. I underestimated you."

"Yeah yeah."

"No, really."

"Mhm."

And I manage to close the door. He knocks on it and I go towards my room. As I cross the kitchen my grandma says "Aren't you going to let him in?"

"Absolutely not. Next time he comes by tell him to fuck off."

"Woah, language. But it will be done."

"Since when do you tell me off when I swear?"

"I don't know, I just found it funny." And she giggles. "Stay here, lunch is ready. Set up the table."

When I'm done I call my grandfather and sit down. My grandmother pulls out an enormous plate of carbonara, or rather carbonara with completely raw egg and bacon.

"This is the first time I cook this."

"I can see." I answer. She deadpans. "I'm italian, I could have cooked."

"Yeah, but I wanted to try, since it's your favorite dish after sushi."

We eat in peace, the house is really silent. The sounds of forks and plates are the only sounds I can hear. I'm starting to like America, in Italy it would all be cars and chatting people walking down the streets. I love those sounds, but I love peace too. When lunch is over I help to clean the kitchen then go back in my room and focus on my homework.