CHAPTER 4

I am waiting for my class to start, I am early to today so there are only few students in the campus. It’s been three days after the result is posted and also it’s been three days but I didn’t get the chance to meet the new members.

I still can’t believe I made it to the team. I want to celebrate it with my family but I know that will never happened coz they are not happy with it.

I’m sorry Mom and Dad, but I want this. Just this once, I want to give myself what I want.

I saw a bunch of students approaching our room, I watch the time on my phone and it’s only thirty minutes left for our class to start.

I get my notebook in my bag for the first subject for today, I review a little bit so I will be ready for any surprise oral recitation today.

“Good morning” my eyes left my notebook and it went to someone beside me.

I don’t know who Dwight greeted, he’s not looking at me and he didn’t smile at me so I return my attention to my notebook. I carefully read every word while I can see in my peripheral vision that he’s getting something in his bag too.

“I said Good morning” he huskily said that, Dwight's cold stare towards me gives me goosebumps.

“Oh, I’m the one you’re greeting?” I nervously said while pointing to myself. But he didn’t answer me, his hooded eyes remain at me waiting for me to answer him.

“Uh, Good morning?” he open his notebook after he heard me.

Isn’t he a weird one? The mysterious, cold, and weird one.

After a while, the voices of my classmates greeting our Professor filled my ears.

"Good morning everyone, does anyone here still remember the lecture last week? I didn't give you any oral recitation these past few days, right? So today, we will do it."

As usual, complaints from my classmates filled our room once again. Our Professor just smiles at them and get the index card- the greatest enemy of all students. She shuffles it and gets one card after.

"Mr. Rodriguez?"

“Yes, Ma’am.” The guy in front of me stood up.

"Okay, Mr. Rodriguez. Do Video Games Teach or Release Violence?"

He scratched his nape before answering.

"The general consensus on violent video games is that, to some extent, they breed violence. Adolescents view the world as hostile when they get into arguments and receive bad grades after playing such games." Our Prof nodded at him and asked him to sit down. She shuffles the cards once again.

"Mr. Buenaverde?" Dwight stood up confidently

"What are the four factors that influence aggressive behavior?"

"The four factors that influences aggressive behavior are dealing with aversive events, Learning aggression is rewarding, Observing models of aggression and, Acquiring social scripts."

"Sit down."

That’s it? Dwight should explain it more, hmmm favorite student? I shake my head because of what I just think right now.

"Miss Cullen?"

"Yes ma’am?"

"Explain how social scripts influences aggressive behavior." Oh so I will be the one who will explain one factor then?

"The media portrays social scripts and generates mental tapes in the minds of the viewers. When confronted with new situations individuals may rely on such social scripts. If social scripts are violent in nature, people may act them out."

I confidently said those words, she smiled at me and ask me to sit.

She continues to shuffle the cards and continues to call random student to explain the other factors. Some student didn’t answer correctly so our teacher is disappointed with them.

Quizzes and oral recitations form my day. I was about to go out after I gathered my things in my bag when I heard Dwight calling me.

"Where are you going?"

“Home?”

“You didn’t get any text from Ara or Felix?”

I get my phone in my pocket to check but there is no message from them, I shake my head while I’m waving my phone in front of him.

“Tsk, let’s go to Club’s quarter we have a meeting and we will be knowing the other members.” He said after he turn his back at me, he’s really rude he didn’t even wait for me.

I run so I can keep up with his walk, he so huge his one step is already my two steps. He looked irritated after he saw me beside him.

“What’s wrong with you? Do you hate me?” I asked him in sequence.

“You’re so talkative, you’re just like Bryll” I squint angrily at him, he should thank me for talking to him. I don’t why I am comfortable in talking to him.

The full-mirrored four sides of the club’s quarter is quite, there are no signs of other members there.

“Their dismissal is 4:30 so we have to wait for them.”

I glance at my watch and its only 4:05, so we have to wait 25 minutes or more.

“Are you happy?” he said that after a long while.

“Of course, I wanted it for a long time. When I was still a kid I already like arts, I practiced dancing and I’m fond of it. This is the first time that I can say I have friends here in school, everyone avoids me. So I’m very grateful to Ara and Felix.”

“You’re too smart but you don’t know how the world works, you trust easily. You’re too naïve.”

I don’t know what he means by that. He’s not backstabbing Ara and Felix right? Or he really hates it that I in the group now.

“Do you have any hatred towards me? You don’t like it that I’m here?”

He sighed deeply and looks at me seriously.

“What I’m trying to say here is… even though they make you happy doesn’t mean they are true towards you.”

“You’re not backstabbing Ara to me, right?” he didn’t reply he shakes his head while he watches the ceiling.

I was about to say something when I heard some voices from the outside, when I glance at the door it was Bryll and Jacob.

Bryll sat beside me while Jacob went to Dwight.

Since the first day I saw them, I noticed that Bryll always pays attention to Jacob even with his’ little actions. She smiles as if she has many butterflies in her stomach.

“Do you have crush on Jacob?” I poke her and whisper to her. Her eyes widen with a surprise, she got shy and bow her head a little.

“But it’s impossible that Jacob will reciprocate what I feel. We grew up together and I saw his girls I’m too far from them. They are all pretty while me? I look like a potato.” Even though she smiles while she said that I can see the disappointment on her eyes.

“Who told you you’re not pretty?” she looked at Jacob.

“Everyone who tries to make a move to me, he restrain them, repelled or he would suggest him to other girls coz I’m not pretty.” I smiled when I heard it, hmmm everything that Bryll said is true that Jacob doesn’t like it if boys want to get Bryll’s attention. It’s because JACOB LIKES BRYLL!

“Maybe he’s jealous so he’ll do anything to restrain boys.” She shakes her head.

“Nah, it’s impossible.”

I scan Bryll’s feature, she’s not ugly though. Some of the people can't appreciate her upturned eyes because of her eyeglass. They can’t appreciate her long hair with a little wave from the middle to the end because most of the time she doesn’t comb it.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you he will notice you soon.”

“Huh? How?”

“Just let me handle this. Tomorrow, Jacob will tighten his guard more on you.” I whisper to her with a giggle, this is my first time I and Bryll talked but I feel comfortable towards her.

After a few minutes, Fajrah and the new members arrived and after a long while Ara and Felix arrived.

"Hello guys, so congratulations to all of you." Ara welcomed us with a big smile, she told us that we have to introduce ourselves. I glanced at the two new girls they have the same height as Ara and the boys have the same height as me and Fajrah.

"Hi, my name is Darwin Peñaranda, 2nd year college and I'm taking up Civil Engineering."

"Good afternoon po, I'm Kobe Madrigal, 1st year and I'm taking up Multimedia Arts."

"Hello, the name is Kris Torres, 2nd year, my program is Tourism." Kris said but his eyes were on Bryll, I glanced at Jacob and I saw how dark his glare towards Kris. Hmmm, jealous again huh? I’m so excited how Jacob will react tomorrow.

After them, it’s the girls turn to introduce. Even though I already know and talk to them a little I’m still nervous, what if the new members won’t like me?

"Hi everyone, my name is Lovely Lopez, 2nd year Education." She smiles towards Jacob but Jacob’s eyes never left Kris. I saw how dispirit Bryll when she saw what Lovely did. Relax Bryll, everything will be okay tomorrow.

"Hello po, my name is Shane Cervantes. 2nd year po, hmm... I'm currently taking up AB Communications."

Am I the only 3rd year here? I stop what I’m thinking when all of their attention is on me. I cleared my throat before I introduced myself.

"I'm Jamie Leigh Cullen, 3rd year, Psychology.” They smiled at me so I smiled at them too.

After that Ara shared some stories to us, Fajrah talked to the other girls she’s not cold at them rather she smiled and laugh to them. It seems that she does her cold treatment at me huh? I offer them to buy snacks because we might be here for a long time but they said its okay and they will go home now since we don’t have any practice.

“Let’s go Bryll” I grab her towards the door.

“Where would you take her, Jamie?”

“We have a blind date today Jacob, excuse us.” I jokingly said that to Jacob

“Take care of her, okay?” Jacob shouted when we’re already outside, I raised my hand and wave them a goodbye while I’m not looking at them.

“Seriously Jamie? Blind date?” I laugh when I saw her panic and tighten her hands on my arms.

“No, today is my pamper day so you’ll join me and don’t worry, it’s on me.”

Manong Raul drove us to the mall, we went to salon first. At first, she didn’t agree with a haircut but luckily, Joe my mom’s gay friend and the one who own the salon convince her. I get the foot-spa and pedicure.

Bryll decided to cut her hair short until her neck and also she decided to change its color from black to brown. It really suits her, the brown hair complements her white skin. I gave the cashier my ATM Bryll offer hers but I declined it also get a discount here since my mom is a VIP member here.

We went to EO after, contact lens suits her more even though she looks cute in her eyeglass but I think with the contact lens her face will be more mature. So I told the girl whose assisting us to get a contact lens with the same grade of her eyeglass. She insisted to pay for it so I let her.

In the last shop, I told her that she should buy some leggings, pants, blouse, crop top, and some skirt. She likes wearing bigger sizes she should present her curves, since we don’t have any school uniform we can wear whatever we want as long as it didn’t violate the dress code our school has. She agreed with me so I’m happy, I buy clothes for me too. It’s late when we finished everything and we didn’t get dinner I invited her but she declines it saying her family is waiting for her. Since their home is far from us, I just book her a grab and paid for it.

“Good bye, Jamie. Thank you for today, it will be on me next time.”

“It’s okay, thank you for today too. Please don’t wear your eyeglass tomorrow and leave your oversized clothes in your house.”

She smiled and nods when the grab arrived.

When I’m on the car Dad called me saying they will wait for me for dinner so I told him I’m on my way home. Because of my happiness today, I want to try and tell my parents about the club. I want to tell them that I passed the audition, I don’t know how to tell them but I want to try.

My heart pounded crazily when I saw our gate, my palms were sweating. I breathe deeply finding courage through it before I went inside.

"Good evening, hija. Where have you’ve been?"

"It’s my pamper day Ma" I said to my Mom and kissed her in the cheek I went to Dad and did the same.

"Sit down, Leigh."

“Manang, please get our foods and you can eat now in the kitchen.” Mommy said to them, we have an extra table for them in the kitchen don’t get us wrong. Mommy said they can sit with us but they insisted that they shouldn’t so Dad bought the table so they can eat comfortable.

“Dad?” he glanced at me curiously

“About the dance clu-”

“I told you last time, I don’t want you to join that club.” He cut me off, I just passed the audition Dad… I saw the disappointment in their faces. My braveness left me, so I didn’t talk again. Until now… I’m still a coward, I’m a coward to fight for my dreams.

We finished eating with a silent atmosphere, I went upstairs to my room. Tomorrow is Saturday and we have a practice. Maybe I can lie to them that I will just stroll and go to the park? I’m just hoping that Mom and Dad will go to the hospital early, I can just told the maids especially Manang my excuse.

The good girl image that others gave to me is slowly fading…I didn’t go out on Saturdays in the past, I just waste my time in the library reading books

I know it will be more difficult now since I have a club and I have to remain my grades high so my parents won’t be suspicious about something.

My things I need for practice like clothes, towel and water is already inside my bag. I leave it inside my room first thinking my parents are still downstairs.

“Eat now, Jamie. Your Mommy and Daddy left the house earlier than usual there is an emergency at the hospital.”

“Okay Manang Tora, Thank you.”

“Do you have an errand today?” I nodded at her while I’m chewing the food.

“It’s a miracle huh?” I put down the utensils

“Am I now a bad daughter Manang? I disobeyed my parents I still push the things that I want.”

“Jamie… the perfect daughter doesn’t exist. If you want something you can have it. They cannot do something about that. If they can’t accept it now maybe tomorrow, the next day, soon they can accept it wholeheartedly, okay?” I hug Manang Tora after she said that.

“Good morning, Baby.” Felix said that when I arrived to the quarter, he smile but I only frowned at me.

“What’s with that face?”

“I tried talking to Dad about this, but he still didn’t want me to join the club.”

He holds my hands after I said

“You can hide it, soon they will accept that. You are their daughter they don’t want you to fail. You are their pride, they love you and you are important to them. But even though you love them you’ll let them cage you, right?”

I analyzed what Felix what just told me, he’s right. I love them but I won’t let them to decide on my own. I want this, this is my dream so I will fight for this.

Most of us were on the quarter already but Kris and Bryll is nowhere to find. I saw Jacob in the corner scornful.

“Jacob!” he looked at me after I called him.

“Do you know where Bryll is?” his brows met in the middle before he checks his phone.

“I don’t know, I already texted her earlier but she just told me that she have someone to go here with.” He pursed his lips after that.

“Oh? What if it’s her suitor fetching her?” he glared at me after I said that

“She’s ugly, no one will to pursue her.”

After he said that, Bryll and Kris arrived at the quarter at the same time. Bryll looks so pretty with her short hair, leggings and crop top blouse. They are both laughing and none of us know what their topic is.

I saw how Jacob clench his jaw and his face darken when he saw them. I went to him and whispers,

“Who’s ugly now, Jacob?” but instead of answering me he glance at Kris and roll his eyes and turn his back on me.

“Oh??? What’s that?” I pointed when I saw Kris is the one who’s handling the bag of Bryll.

“Are you courting Bryll? That’s good you should move fast so others will not overtake you.” I said while I saw Jacob wearing his earphone in my peripheral vision.

My eyes went to Kris after, I saw him smiles at me so I smiled at him too. After a few minutes we started practicing our dance.

It’s hard for us to make a routine since we do not have any contest or event. So we decided to practice the trending dance now such as futsal shuffle and also we made a choreography with Felix’s recommended songs. When I heard the song, it’s good though and everyone agrees with him so we quickly made a choreography.

After three hours Ara decided to have a break. I offered to buy them a snack for this day.

“Your treat, Jamie?” Ara asked and I nodded at her.

“What do you want guys?”

“An Energy drink is okay for us, you can buy some chips if you want. We’re not picky when it comes to food though” everyone agrees with Ara.

I was about to go when Fajrah talks,

“I’ll go with you.”

I’m in awkward position right now, this is the first time. When we arrived at the convenience store I swiftly get twelve pieces of energy drinks and many chips and sandwiches.

“I can pay for mine.” Fajrah said when she got the one energy drink.

“It’s okay for me Fajrah, I can pay for that.”

“Well, it’s not okay for me Jamie. Are you like that? You fond of paying others their stuff?” I looked at her when she told me that, I don’t understand her attitude towards me.

“Why are you doing that? So others can tell you have money? So others will befriend you?” she continues

“Why is this a big deal to you Fajrah? Do you hate me that much?” her eyes widen after I saw that. She avoided my eyes and said.

“Don’t be too kind to others, not all of them were true to you.”

She goes to the cashier and left me in the convenience store.

Why do I feel Dwight and Fajrah don’t want me in the group? I don’t understand what they mean. They don’t want me to trust other people, does this mean I should not trust them both too?