03

Gᴡᴇɴ Eᴠᴀɴs

Anxiety. Stress. Depression.

The feeling that people like me just can't move on from. Your life is fun when they haven't met you, but once they do, they'll never leave you. And it makes your life a living hell. These feelings are the villain of my story. They are the villain of my life.

I paced around the room, my breathing getting heavier each second. It was past midnight right now. The thoughts that I never want to relive took over my mind. I start to sweat, which is not normal seeing that it is the month of February.

Panic attacks.

I drop to the ground as the dark thoughts started consuming me. I can't do this tonight. I had such a good day. I spent the whole day with mom, laughing and chatting. I didn't let the thought get me today. And it doesn't feel good now.

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Please, stop it, I swear I won't tell anyone, just let her go." I pleaded.

But they didn't listen to me.

I started to inhale and exhale heavily, my breathing audible now. I got up carefully, struggling to stand straight. I stumbled to the drawer opening it. I saw a pack of cigarettes and anti-depressing tablets. If I consume the tablets right now, these attacks will never leave me. It will make me weak and miserable.

I picked up the pack of cigarettes and grabbed a lighter from the table. I made my way to the window, struggling to walk. I opened the window to get some fresh air. I lit up a cigarette with trembling hands.

I brought the cigarette to my mouth, sucking it in, the unhealthy smoke filling my lungs. I blew the smoke from my lips, not wasting any time to get another stroke of it.

The attack stayed with me for approximately 2 minutes after that. My breathing started getting back to normal as I regained myself. The thoughts finally leaving my mind. I let out a sigh of relief.

I need some air.

I stood up quickly, making my head jolt. I grabbed a cardigan and wore it over the t-shirt I was wearing. I started making my way out of the house. I just need a quick walk.

I got out the house quietly trying not to wake up mom. I started walking through the streets, the ghost of the panic attack I just had following me.

It was 1 in the morning and the streets were silent, not a single soul out of their house. I just walked inhaling fresh air as I heard a click sound from behind me.

"Give me all your money right now." The voice said. I turned to see a man who looked like he was 30-40, pointing a gun at me. He had black hair that I could only see because of the street lights around me.

"I don't have anything." I said, truthfully. He put a finger on the trigger, ready to push it. "Don't fucking lie to me!" He shouted, loud enough so only I could hear him seeing I was the only one there.

"I'm not lying. I would've given it you if I had it." I said, my hands in the air now.

"Then you can give me something else, doll." He said, smirking deviously. He started moving towards me. "Now, you either come with me yourself, or I gotta push you to it."

"Please stop. Don't come near me." I said, now genuinely scared. He just smirked and kept moving forward with his gun now in the back pocket.

"Don't. Please. I swear I have nothing. Leave me alone." I said, wishing I wasn't alone right now. I should've never gotten out of my house. Why do I always do this to myself?

I started moving backwards while facing him, ready to run. He brought his gun out again, pointing it towards me, reading my movements. "Don't even think about running, doll." He sneered.

I closed my eyes in fear, tears that I didn't know were there exiting my eyes. I started shaking uncontrollably.

Why does this always happen to me?

All of a sudden, I heard a thud, and I jerked my eyes open. I saw a guy who looked like he was a teenager, holding an iron rod while looking down at the unconscious man in front of him with wide eyes.

He looked up at me and started walking towards me. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah." I answered. I looked at him, his features becoming clear now as he was walking closer to me. He had dirty blonde hair and blue eyes, and as he walked closer to me, I noticed how tall he actually was.

"I was just passing by and saw what was happening here and I got here to help as soon as I could." He explained.

"Thank you so much." I whispered, shutting my eyes for a second in relief.

"You're welcome." He said, "I should probably go now—"

"Can you walk with me?" I cut him off. I was way too scared to walk alone now.

He looked at me as a small smile took over his lips.

"Sure, why not?"

We started walking towards my house and I made sure to walk extra close to this guy. We walked to my house in a comfortable silence. We reached my destination eventually.

"This is my stop." I said as he kept moving forward. He muttered a small 'oh', turning back.

"Okay then..." he said, keeping his head down with this hands in his jean pockets.

"What's your name?" I asked him.

"Jaxon." He said, "But you can call me Jax." He smiled at me.

"I'm—" I started but got cut off.

"Gwen. I know."

"How do you know my name?" I asked him.

"You're in my Art and English class." Jax answered. "You never really talk to anyone."

Was I really that unaware of my surroundings?

"Yeah..." I muttered.

"It's okay, though. People are weird in our school anyways." He said when he saw me getting uncomfortable. "Good night, Gwen." Jax smiled.

"Good night, Jax." I smiled back at him. I don't really know what I would've done if he wasn't there tonight. I'm really grateful.

"Your smile is really beautiful. Don't try to hide it." He mused.

"Thanks.." I chuckled.

"Bye." He said as he turned around to leave. I got in the house, smiling.

He thinks my smile is beautiful.

•°•°•°•°•

I walked to my Art class, hoping to get this over with as soon as possible. I walked over to my usual seat by the window and sat down.

I felt someone sit beside me. I rolled my eyes, ready to glare at whoever decided to fuck with me today. "Go to your usual seat, do not—" my words got cut off when I turned my head to see who actually decided to sit with me.

"Oh, hey Jax..." I muttered, chuckling because I'm an awkward fuck. Jax looked at me with an amused look on his face before speaking.

"I'm sorry if I bothered you, I can go if you'd like." He said. "Oh no no, please, keep sitting." I insisted.

"As you wish." He muttered, "Now I know why people are so scared of you."

"Well, I'm an intimidating person."

"No arguing with that."

"Hey, Jax?" A voice interrupted, both of us looked up at the source of the voice. A brunette guy stood there.

"Yeah, Theo?" Jax asked, and for some reason, I noticed he became nervous all of a sudden. It looked like he was holding his breath while looking at Theo.

I see what's going on here.

"Are you coming to my house tonight? To.. you know.. study?" Theo asked.

"Yea- yeah, sure, why not?"

Now he's stuttering. This is so much fun.

"Okay then, see you tonight. Bye." Theo smiled. "Bye, Theo." Jax smiles back at him.

His eyes seemed frozen in the direction Theo went. I cleared my throat in order to get his attention. He turned to look at me only to see me smile at him with knowing eyes.

"What?" He asked, a light pink blush coated his cheeks, given the fact that he's just been caught.

"Theo, huh?" I smirked.

"Wha- what are you talking about? No." He stammered out.

I raised my brows at him.

"Okay yeah, maybe... just maybe.." he trailed off.

"I'll take it as a yes." I laugh.

"Yeah, I mean, he's better than all the girlfriends I've had in the past." he said as our Art teacher entered the class.

The class went by fast, Jax and I conversed about unnecessary stuff, which included him complimenting my drawing skills half the time.

He's a really nice guy.

The bell rang and I started packing my stuff in my bag.

"Hey, Gwen?" He said from beside me as I walked out of the class.

"Yeah?"

"We're like, friends now, right?"

Friends? I haven't had a friend in 2 years. But the thought of having Jax as a friend seemed cool to me.

"Definitely." I smiled.

Friends.

I made my way to my next class, history. Usually, I would be mad that I had to take this stupid class but not today. I'm happy today. I made a friend.

I'm done hating, today is love, I love to— okay shut up, Gwen.

I went straight to my usual seat, seeing Asher already sitting there in the vacant spot beside my seat by the window. He's been sitting with me for the past few days, he usually just invites himself and annoys me until I snap at him eventually.

I go and sit beside him quietly. He looks at me with a weird expression on his face before speaking up, "You're not gonna threaten to kill me today?"

"No. Not today. I'm in a good mood today."

"You finally made me proud, child." He said, dramatically, pretending to wipe his non-existent tears from his eyes.

I rolled my eyes, hiding my smile perfectly, and looked away. I looked at him again after a few seconds to see him in deep thought, staring at the table in front of him.

"Do you wanna have lunch together?" He suddenly spoke up.

Why not...

"Yeah, sure." I answered. I don't know if it was because I was in a good mood but I felt like saying 'yes' to anything.

I looked at my side to see Asher with wide eyes. "Wait, for real?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Cool." He chuckled in disbelief.