FOREVER ALONE

I was in the sitting room with my mum. My siblings were not around. Praise the lord! We were watching television when we heard the door bell rang. I groaned loudly. I stood grudgingly, annoyed i missed the interesting part of the movie.

"Go check who is at the door", my mom said. As I opened the door, I regretted it. It was my mum younger brother's with his newly wedded wife. I smiled a fake smile at them and escorted them to the sitting room.

" Mum,Mr Tony is here",I shouted while running up the stairs to my room.

* * *

I laid on my bed as I cried. I hated myself. I recalled my past when I was six years old. My mum younger brother always assaulted me sexually. It stopped when I was thirteen. He was scared he could get me pregnant because I had my first period. I was so scared to talk even up still now. He threatened he would kill me. I felt like a slut. Of course I was,who am I deceiving?

I won't deny I had not watched pornography or masturbated,but when ever I did that,l felt like a dirty slut my dad called me.

Daniel's always assured me he could wait until I was ready to have sex. But I was a coward because I never seemed fit to tell him that I would never have sex until I was married. I always told myself that I was still a virgin. I wanted to go back to the sitting room and tell everyone that my virginity was stoled by my useless uncle. But, who would believe? I asked myself.

I felt so sorry for Daniel's because I could not bottle my pains anymore. I don't want to drag him to my mess. I made up my mind to let him know I can't be in our relationship. That is if we were any, I thought.

I felt like a jerk when I dialled Daniel's number. It rang for a long time. As I was about to cut the call he picked.

"Hi Sam" his deep voice boomed on the other end. Immediately, I felt guilty again.

"Um Danie....." Before I finished my sentence he started talking. He told me about the club he joined and that he would be coming back home next week. He sounded so excited,but I could not let him go on talking unless I won't be able to tell him. So, being the joy spoiler I spilled my venom.

"I want to break up with you" I rushed out my words. There was silence for a long time. Only my panting could be heard. I thought he was no longer with me until I heard him talked.

" W...h..why",he stammered. His voice was low . I heard pain in his words. I could not tell him why. It was complicated. I don't even know why I wanted to break up with him.

"I just want out Daniel" l forced my voice to be firmed. I wanted to tell him I was joking,that I will never leave him ,but I did it for his sake and mine.

"Tell me why Sam!tell me what I fucking did that you are so heartless to break my heart", he shouted. I heard him sniffing. I tried to tell him my reasons but he cut me off.

" You know what,you are right "he laughed devilish." While you were bringing out means to break my heart, I was sleeping around with better girls in campus"he said as he ended the call.

His words kept repeating in my head."While you were bringing out means to break my heart, I was sleeping around with better girls in campus".

I kept on telling myself I was the one who wanted to break up so I should ignore his words. But I could not. How could he be so rude to say those words to me?How could he?