Chapter Eighteen: Flute

Another day at Hogwarts began, and after joining our table, Paulina and I couldn't help but grin widely with pride and expressions of schadenfreude. The first rumors about farting frogs appearing in the hallways were already making rounds between our fellow students.

"Yo, muchacho, did you just say… farting frogs?" I questioned Roger Davis as he told his two minions about it.

"What did you just call me?" Roger grunted with narrowed eyes.

"Farting frogs," I repeated with a carefree grin. "Tell me about them."

Jessica and I used our last night to demolish a nightclub owned by the Los Blancos, a Latino drug gang. I liked the way they talked, and so I assimilated some of their expressions into my own vocabulary.

Anyways, Roger growled and turned away with a huff, ignoring me. He never liked me, but he started to actually dislike me ever since the majority of the female population deemed me the most handsome boy of the younger years. Cedric Diggory seemed to be somewhat sour about it as well.

Penelope Clearwater cleared her throat to get my attention. "Some students found a group of farting frogs jumping around in the Entrance Hall this morning."

"Farting frogs?" I repeated slowly, faking an expression of utter confusion. In the meantime, Paulina's eyes teared up, and her face reddened heavily as she forced back a burst of laughter.

"Perhaps a magical creature?" I continued, receiving a firm shake of her head from the dirty-blond. Her bookish nature and the large, round glasses she was wearing made her look like a nerdish girl, but of the cute sort – along with her unblemished pale skin and red lips.

"Nothing like that," Penelope clarified primly. "Professor McGonagall caught one of the frogs and undid the enchantments. It seems that someone put an animation charm on a piece of paper that was folded to look like a frog. That student also charmed them to fart with every jump they make."

"I tried to catch one, but they are too slimy," announced a young Cho Chang, turning to flash me a sweet smile.

Returning a smile to the pretty Asian, I let my eyes wander across the Great Hall and noticed that more students were already the strange frogs. More of the little green blighter would arrive at Hogwarts soon, and I expected that the school would be full of them by tomorrow.

"Johnny," Paulina muttered in a begging tone, still keeping herself from erupting with wild laughter. "Can we go somewhere else? I need to breathe!"

Paulina was certainly not the best actor in the room. She was currently wiping tears off her face and did her best to remain as unsuspicious as possible, failing miserably at that. Her actions attracted some attention, so I gave her a nod before we two went off into a more secluded area.

After my fellow partner in crime calmed down, we decided to wander around in the school and see if we can spot one of our little devils. Our first lesson for today was Transfiguration with McGonagall, a fairly good way to start the day. Her lessons were interesting and always passed very quickly because of that.

Paulina and I hoped that there would be more frogs farting around during lunch. At least forty exemplars should awaken from their slumber until that time.

…

Lunch eventually arrived, and chaos broke out when around two dozen small green paper frogs were brazenly jumping around in the Great Hall, faring every time they leaped into the air. Students that tried to catch them would exclaim loudly in disgust when they felt that the skin of the frogs was all slimy.

Dumbledore did nothing about the situation. He only put a barrier around the professor's table to keep the frogs away and continued his meal in peace, taking delight in the plight of his students. If I didn't know it better, his lax behavior and wide grin would certainly let me assume that he was the mastermind behind the situation.

Snape was the only one that was openly seething, furious that someone dared to make fun of Slytherin. He seriously believed that it must be an action against his House because the frogs were green. That was completely absurd since most frogs are green, after all. But you can't argue with someone that looked like a stereotype villain from a low-budget children's show.

…

Nothing changed during dinner aside from the fact that more frogs started to arrive at Hogwarts. The majority of them were concentrated in the Great Hall, and their large numbers created loud echoes of farting sounds escape the large room.

It was almost impossible to enjoy your meal in peace, and most students were now loudly complaining about it. The professors tried to freeze or cancel the charm on the frogs, but I already prepared for that and put protections against such stuff on our little green devils.

To get rid of the frogs, you had to catch them manually or simply destroy them with the proper spells. But that proved to be a quite troublesome task since the frogs were rather quick to jump away in the face of danger.

Caretaker Argus Filch was positively livid, cursing every student he came across. His fuzzy lazy-ass of a cat ate one of the frogs and suffered from an upset tummy. The crazy guy reacted to that by demanding from Dumbledore to be allowed to flog the student that was behind the commotion.

"What the hell is that guy even doing at a school," I snorted while watching Filch rave and rage, hunting frogs by carelessly swinging an old broom around. So far, he hit more students than frogs with his makeshift weapon.

Paulina sipped from her tea and nodded in agreement. "He's a big meanie."

I chuckled in reply, and we continued to enjoy the chaos that we caused, enjoying a cup of tea with my partner in crime.

…

It wasn't really unexpected when the second day of operation, 'The Plague of Hogwarts,' ended up disturbing everyone's school life. There was a small army of hundred frogs in the Great Hall hopping around, farting to their heart's content.

Students refused to have their breakfast in the Great Hall because the farting sounds of the frogs started to cause them a headache and nausea. For this reason, we were ordered by the professors to enjoy our morning meal in our respective common rooms.

The house-elves delivered us everything we needed, but I still ended up eating some of my smoked dragon meat. Paulina to roll her eyes at me, calling me a glutton. That didn't stop her from a few stripes of dragon meat herself, however.

More frogs arrived as the day continued. Their numbers rose until they eventually outnumbered the human population at Hogwarts, filling the Great Hall with revolting farting noises.

…

With the arrival of the third day, the situation became worse, and some students even began to panic. There were crazy rumors making rounds as well, saying that the frogs laid eggs in the food of the students and that a few already ended up in the hospital wing because the frog babies hatched inside their bodies.

Classes were canceled because the professors were forced to solve the problem before the panic grew stronger, but Dumbledore ended up forbidding it. He wanted the students to resolve the issue instead and use creative thinking in order to get rid of the frogs. Purely destructive spells were forbidden, and the student that gets the most frogs would earn his House a whopping amount of two hundred points.

Hearing that, Paulina and I couldn't help but feel greedy. We shared a silent look and sneakily disappeared from the crowd that gathered in our common room, fleeing into an unused classroom that would offer us some privacy.

"Two hundred points!" Paulina explained in excitement.

"He must be luring us," I muttered, scratching my chin thoughtfully. "The protections on the frogs will defend against anyone but the person that cast them. We can't even try to catch them since it will give us away instantly. Dumbledore will notice it that the frogs won't try to evade our spells."

"Johnny, but we have to win these points!" Paulina whined with big puppy eyes. "I know that you can do it. You are the best."

My face split with a grin. "The very best?"

Paulina rolled her eyes. "If you can win us the points, yes."

"Will you reward me with a kiss?" I asked her bluntly, giving her a roguish grin. "On my cheek or the mouth, the choice is yours."

She flushed in reply and bit her lower lip. "Johnny, why do you want me to kiss you?"

"Who wouldn't want that?" I replied with an expression of confusion. "You are smart, pretty, a nice girl to hang out with, and you have an awesome last name. Stealing your first kiss will be one of my greatest achievements in life."

The way I see it, my female friend would grow into a pretty and smart witch. Having her standing at my side in the future would be a benefit.

"Fine." Paulina reddened even further, looking away with a bashful expression while playing with a strand of her golden hair. "You can have my first kiss if you win us the two hundred points."

Grinning like a fool, I gave her a confident nod and started explaining to her what I had in mind. My words made Paulina blink at me in amazement before her face bloomed with an excited smile.

Indeed, I already planned for the occasion that I had to get rid of the frogs for whatever reason. They were all gathering in the Great Hall because of the Knut that I attacked under the professor's table. I had a second coin, the master coin, in my mokeskin pouch and could activate and use it to effortlessly direct the frogs away.

Thinking of the old German legend of the Rat-Catcher of Hamelin, I decided to create my own legend at Hogwarts and lead the army of frogs away with the help of a 'magical' flute. As ridiculous as that sounds, it actually wasn't. One must recall that I was a member of the wizarding world where the government employed soul-sucking demons to guard their prison, ignoring the countless times when said demons betrayed their master for every washed-up Dark Lord. So, me using a magical flute to get rid of the farting frog plague would be seen as good thinking.

Anyways, Paulina was all flustered at the moment because she knew that her first kiss was mine now. It was only a matter of time until I would come and claim it. She excused herself and rushed up into the girl's dormitory, saying that she forgot to feed the new owl that she acquired over the summer.

Smirking to myself, I teleported away to Chinatown because I recalled having seen a shop there that sold flutes.

*bampf*

…

Appearing in a dark alley, I stuffed my Hogwarts robes into my mokeskin pouch and then casually proceeded into the main street. I forgot that it was still night in New York and that most shops were most likely closed at this hour. Still, Chinese people were a hardworking bunch, and I was sure to find some 24x7 shop somewhere.

Quite a few shift-eyes individuals were running around, using the darkness to conduct their illicit business. Some of them didn't just look like but were actual members of the Golden Tiger group, which was part of the most feared underworld organizations, the Triads.

Two tigers were currently narrowing their eyes at me in suspicion. They stood in front of another dark alley across the street where I could hear loud smacking and labored panting echoing from. I simply ignored the warning gazes of the guards and moved to position myself, so I could see what was going on.

"What the hell?" I cursed loudly. My body began to vibrate with fury after taking in the picture before my eyes.

"Fuck off, kid!" cursed one of the guards, a bald and slightly obese Asian guy that was bare-chested below his black jacket, showing off a giant tiger face tattoo.

The taller and slimmer partner grunted something in Chinese, sounding annoyed. He suddenly pulled out a riot baton from below his jacket before approaching me with a nasty grin.

"You're going to bleed today, white boy." The thuggish-looking guy smirked when he saw that I wasn't trying to run away, mistaking it for fear. He lifted his riot baton and attempted to strike me on the head.

I caught the baton midair and effortlessly ripped it from his grip and then repaid his kindness by giving his knee a swift stomp kick, shattering it. That was one of my favorite moves because it made my opponents scream in pain as if they were on fire. The second guard ogled me with wide, disbelieving eyes and was soon joining the screaming too after I threw the riot baton at his face.

With that done, I turned my attention to the happening in the dark alley the two thugs were guarding. It housed two individuals, one old grandpa and a young thug that was wearing a stylish suit. The former had his face covered in blood and was lying on the cold and wet ground, groaning in pain. The second was staring at me with shock in his eyes, armed with golden brass-knuckled for both hands.

"Good Sir, would you like a free trip to the Sahara Desert?" I asked the suit-wearing thug before I simply teleported behind him, put a hand on his shoulder, and then took us across the world to kick his ass and deposit him in the middle of a sandy ocean.

When that was done, I reappeared before the old grandpa and spat a big blob of saliva on his surprised face.

The old grandpa, despite his wounds, gave me a furious expression but stopped when he felt how the horribly, bloody scarring on his face started to disappear. His look of loathing changed to bewilderment and then to gratitude when his body started to heal before his eyes.

"You're welcome," I chuckled in reply, watching him behave like a little child on a sugar shock.

His joints made loud popping sounds when he forced himself to stand up. He also didn't look pained or distressed at all but was grinning like mad. It appeared that my spit healed more than just his exterior wounds.

"You heal me, Jian, how?" the old grandpa asked curiously. "Magic?"

"Sure, if you like to think that," I replied with a shrug. "But I really must be going now. I need to get myself a flute. Do you know where I can get one?"

After giving me a strange look, the old grandpa grabbed a pair of sunglasses out of his blue pants, put them on, and nodded. "Jian owns shop. Many flutes you will find. Come, young man, you help me, and I help you back."

My face split with a small smile, and I followed the old man out of the dark alley. He stopped and gave the obese thug a few hard kicks into his balls, causing the guy to throw up his last meal, and then gestured to me to follow him.

While we toured through the dimly-lit street, I gave old man Jian a second look. He was a small old man with a bald head and a thick, white mustache and beard. His body was tall and slightly hunched but surprisingly muscular. Aside from his blue pants, he was wearing an orange Hawaii shirt with a floral print, and sunglasses at night…

'What a curious guy.' – I muttered inwardly while following after Jian.

We eventually ended up traveling into another alley where we entered a small, unsuspicious shop filled to the brim with random stuff. There was a thick layer of dust covering everything, and a huge, ancient-looking turtle was sluggishly crawling around on the wooden floor.

Jian took me down into his basement and searched around in an old shelf before he found a wooden box with flutes. They were surprisingly beautiful and appeared to be expensive high-quality works.

"Take one flute," Jian prompted, giving me a toothy smile.

"Ehm, thanks," I replied with a nod and grabbed a small flute that matched the color of my fire, gold.

"Good flute, it will make you happy," Jian cackled merrily. "Young man, you take good care of Tamino, yes?"

I rose a brow at him. "The flute?"

Jian nodded wild. "Yes, name of flute is Tamino. Jian found Tamino long, long time ago when Jian still strong and popular with women. Very happy times for Jian."

Nodding again with a wry smile, I thanked the funny old man and offered him my hand, sharing my name before informing him that I some frogs to tame. The old Chinese grandpa laughed at that and wished me good luck and health.

After leaving the shop, I turned around to see Jian jumping up and down, dancing with his ancient turtle. For some reason, I couldn't help but a strange familiarity with the old man, as if I have seen him somewhere before. But even after some hard brainstorming, I didn't get any wiser.

"What a strange old man," I chuckled in amusement before vanishing in a ball of golden flames.

*bampf*

…