Chapter IX

It's been a month now since I sent my resignation letter to the owner of the theater. Saying my humble apologies and thanks for their generosity of hiring me even though I resent that place the moment I witness how horrible the relationship the owner has to his employees. It's not me that sent it to them, I'm incapable of doing that at that time so I ask Reighly to send it to them on my behalf. Now, I'm almost at my maximum recovery. Peter helped me with the expensive cost in the hospital after he knew it wasn't the nausea or anything that keeps me bedridden for a couple of weeks. He scolded me for not telling him the day after when he visited my apartment. That makes me think that he's going to stop pursuing me but eventually he ends up staying in my apartment almost every day.

I felt the cold metallic square in my pocket so I pulled it out. I open my phone, dial Reighly's number. The other line rang. She immediately picked it up.

"Hello? Who's this?"

"Caroll"

"Ow, sorry I didn't read the caller's ID. What's up?".

I can hear different background voices. She must be lecturing at this moment.

"Do you have any idea where Dylan's place is?", I asked.

The last time I saw Dylan was the time I stained his shirt with my blood. The time where I shouted at him and blamed him. The thoughts of me shouting Dylan for doing nothing reminds me of my anger and frustration to myself and I know it will last for I don't know when. I just don't know how long I can pretend all these things don't affect me even though it deeply does.

"Let me think... I usually saw him at the park doing his daily afternoon routine but I was never invited to his place", said by Reighly.

"Do you have his number in you?".

"Wait, let me check my contacts".

I waited 'till.

"Sorry Carroll, I forgot to encode his number. It was actually in a piece of paper and I might certainly lose it from one of my jackets when I had my laundry", Reighly apologized.

"That's okay. Thanks for the help", I said

"No worries. By the way, I'm in my class so I'll catch you later. Love you".

"Love you".

I put down my phone on the top of the counter top. Not so long, a message appeared on the screen. It was from Peter. He just wants to say good morning. I'm not in the mood to reply and so I ignore it. Leaving it marked read.

I decided to go to the park hoping I could find him there but reality slaps me. He wasn't there. I walked downtown and suddenly I came across the flower shop that I visited once. I forgot I had promised the owner to visit his place. Maybe this visit will do the trick.

I slowly approach the entrance and about to enter when a familiar face comes out. He has a bouquet of white roses in his arms and a bunch of lilies in the other.

"Dylan", I said his name.

I thought for a second he's courting someone just by those flowers.

He turned his head in my direction and said, "Caroll".

I snap out from the courting dilemma in my head and face him. I didn't waste time and spill my thoughts. "Dylan, I didn't know your address nor your phone number", I paused. He was confused, so he gave me the ticket to continue with my monologue, "With that, I just want to personally apologize for what I've said last time. I'm so sorry I threw heavy arrows in your direction and I sincerely didn't mean any of it. I was maybe just drunk and don't know what I was doing"

I stick my eyes on him. I know I already expect the worst but it only brings me worries the way he responds to it.

"It doesn't matter. We can just forget what happen".

After he said those things he walked away. There's so much confusion and sadness happening inside of me. I know for a fact that he didn't forgive me nor he didn't forget what I said to him that night.

"Carroll, you're here". I was pulled back when I heard my name.

"Sorry, I have to go", the only excuse I could make was just to get out of there.

I found myself lying on my bed and next to me are the piled-up bills and rejected letters from companies I send my resumes to. The fact that I have bills that need to be paid and stored up feelings from rejections are just enough to build up the tension inside of me. Next thing I know I was crying and sobbing.

So many questions were circulating in my mind that I didn't know if there's an answer to it. These were also the questions that kept me awake at night. I contemplated what's left but still I can't build something out of it. All I can feel are cracks and for sure I can't mend any of it. Everything just crumbled in front of me. Another unforgiving action. Another set of rejection. Bills that piled up. Where do I go? What do I have to do?

All of a sudden, I remember the letters the mysterious sender sent to me. The letters mentioned about a school. The school where I went when I was a kid.

I wipe my tears and grab my wallet, phone, and the two letters from the mysterious sender. I can feel that I can get some answer as to who might be the one that is sending me those letters just by visiting that place once again.

I rented a cab and told the driver the address. It's not too far and besides it's only an hour less to drive there. I just hope that even though I don't have answers to what is going on with my life right now this one might have. It didn't just show up in my apartment by coincidence, someone out there wants to say their feelings through this. Even though it took long enough to send it to me.

It was 2 in the afternoon when we arrived at the gate. It was costly though I admit to that but still I want to reminisce about this place and find who it might be.

As I approach the gate I can see two guards in their tight uniform saw me walking towards them.

"Goodmorning", their greetings. "What's our business madam?", they asked. I immediately looked at myself and felt I was in the higher class after the other guy addressed me as 'madam'.

Do I have to lie? I believe they won't let me in without having prior business in this establishment.

"Well, I actually...", I paused for a moment and contemplated if lying is the best option here. "I actually don't have a business but I was once a student here when I was in elementary. I humbly ask if I can visit and look at the place, just, just for a moment?". Then, I end up telling the truth.

They both look at each other before they respond. Yeah, I would do the same after hearing that kind of excuse. No one is convinced of that, ever.

"I'm so sorry madam but it's still class hours and we have strict rules implemented in this establishment, 'No outsiders are allowed during class hours', this is just for the safety of the students. It's better if you can come back another time?", the man politely asked.

One of the things I can't do is to win an argument. I always end up crying due to frustration and the truth that I lose because I can't control my emotions.

"Okay. My apologies", I said to them.

I walk away from the gate but this time I won't use arguments to have a ticket to enter the building. The walls are not too high, maybe a little physical can be an option for me to take a look inside.

I scan the area far away from the gate. I picked the shortest wall and examined where I could step to jump and climb to get to the other side. I stepped on the corner side of the wall and calculated when I could jump to reach the top of the wall. When I'm about to jump, I heard my name called by a familiar voice.

"Carroll, what are you doing?"

I quickly stopped my truce and faced the guy, "P-Peter?". I said.

Shocks could be seen in his face. I immediately felt ashamed after he saw me with that humiliating posture I have in the wall. I looked like a lizard attached to it.

"I thought you were in your apartment, resting? And, why are you trying to climb that wall?", he asked confusedly.

I want to be reasonable but I don't think my reason to be here is on the level that anybody couldn't consider usual, specially to Peter that the man was purely rational.

"I was trying to climb to the other side", I answered him.

I felt stupid.

"Why?"

"To have a look on the other side".

Another stupidity rising.

"You do know that is a school", he said.

I want to say that I'm not an idiot to know it was but I have to keep this conversation sane. Sane enough to make him believe that I just hooked to the place.

"Really?". I lied. I scratch my head to look like I was lost for words.

"And why are you here? You should be in your bed right now?", he asked.

I racked my brain to generate a convincing argument but I ended up throwing another question to him, "Well, why are you here? I just said my reason to you earlier".

Steady, steady, Steady. I said to myself telling my index finger that was pointing at him to keep in place.

"Tell me the truth, why are you here?", his tone changes to serious.

I sighed and decided to tell him the truth, "I was once a student in this place before I transferred to another school. I just want to see the inside but unfortunately, they can't let me in because it's also for the safety of the students inside. I don't blame them, so I decided to take everything in my hand". I told him.

"That's why you're climbing the wall like Spiderman?"

I nod for an answer. There's confidence in my answer. He didn't react but instead walked towards his car and said, "Hopped on, I will take you inside".

I was confused so, "I just told you I can't enter the place so how come your car can?".

"Trust me".

Just as he said I trusted him and entered his car. How come he's so confident about this?

"I won't open the topic on how we can enter the school but how come you are in this place? Did you visit a nearby store or something?", I asked as I fidgeted with my thumbs in my lap.

"Relax, we'll be inside in no time", he answered after noticing that I was nervous.

I stopped and calmed myself in my seat.

The guards already told me why I can't come in and I don't want to look desperate to enter the place. That went ironic because just as earlier I was already desperate. The difference is no one saw my desperation except Peter.

We're near the entrance. It was a few meters away from the gate when suddenly, no questions and such, it opened. Peter's car entered with no interrogation happening with those two guards that I talked to earlier.

"I'll tell you later but first let me park this car somewhere", he said to me after he noticed I was looking at him seeking an answer.

The car had just parked and Peter excused himself because he had a meeting to attend inside the meeting hall.

"Wait, don't tell me you have a son? Or maybe a daughter?", I asked him seriously.

He gives me his smirk and plants a kiss on my left cheek, "I'll see you here, later".

I smiled knowing that some guy treated me the way Peter treated me right now. We never had our next date after what happened that night that I went home. I don't know if him visiting my apartment and staying there 'till evening during my recovery is considered a date or not. Well, I might add them up to the count maybe.

I walked around the campus. So many aspects of the school have certainly changed. Even the elder fountain on which I usually throw my allowance just to have a wish had gone. It was replaced by a figure of somebody I don't know about. My mistake was the face of the new principal.

Down the library hall and left to the cafeteria there's a huge park where trees and grasses was nurtured. There, I spent most of my free time laying down that tree not knowing that somebody was already writing a letter about me. How I wish I met that kid when I was here. Out of all the things here, I'm glad the tree didn't change.

I squat and touch the green grasses under the tree. Memories of me reading my book here suddenly send a nostalgic feeling that I will always remember. Even for a short time I created a memorable thing during my stay here. I lay down in the grass. The canopy of the tree gives me enough shed to protect me from the heat. I started to feel the wind, the air, the grass, the heat. It's like I was a kid all over again. That went on for more than an hour but for me it felt more than that.

I pulled out the letters. This is the sincerest thing I read about me. Hoping.

"Who are you?" I whispered as the wind blew the grasses and the leaves in the park.

I immediately hid the letters after I heard a stump of a foot in the grass. I saw a girl standing in her uniform, hair styled in pigtails, and her red cute shoes with a bow in the ankle.

"What are you doing?", he innocently asked. Her voice was so cute as well.

"I was resting", I answered. I sit up. "You, why are you here? Class is still going on", I asked as I stood myself removing the excess grasses and leaves that attach to my clothes.

"I was punished", she looked down. I can feel her sadness.

"Why?". I approached her.

"Cause... I was bad". Her voice was shaky. I can feel she's going to cry any second now.

"No, no. You're not bad. Shush", I comforted her and quickly hugged her while caressing her back.

"There you are", I heard a pant behind me. "Thank goodness you are here. I was looking all over for you", he said. I knew who it was.

"You shouldn't have said she was bad. Now look at her", I said to Peter and lifted the girl up while still caressing her back. She keeps on crying while hugging me.

"Now, to answer your question earlier in the car", Peter said and pointed out to the girl I'm carrying in my arms.

We entered the car. We let Kate in the back since she fell asleep after crying. Then, Peter started to fire up the engine.

"Who's the mother?", I asked as we drove up outside New Valley.

"Are you jealous?" Peter joked, then chuckled.

"No", I defended. I'm sure I'm not jealous.

He paused and then, "Natasha, Natasha Lequ", he answered.

"Wait". I looked at him confused and he started chuckling while eyes were steady in front.

"She's my sister's daughter", he answered. "Now, I confirm".

"Confirm what?", I asked.

"Nothing". He immediately avoided the subject.

For the last time, we ended up joking at each other and laughing about it. There I can say I had a great day even though it didn't start very well. Peter dropped Kate off at his sister's house and I eventually met her and her husband Mike. They are suited to each other I can say.

After that, Peter ended up in front of my apartment. Saying his goodbyes.

"It was a great time. I love your niece by the way", I commented.

"I knew you would", he said while grinning.

No one said anything and we let the cold air of the night fill the gaps between me and Peter. Peter looked at me so intimately but, I never signed up to those yet.

"I think it's time to go", I said to break it.

"Yeah I think it is. I'll see you next time", Peter said while scratching the back of his head.

I was shocked when he pulled me and kissed me on the lips before he left with his car. I never got to react to the kiss so I just waved and smiled. I touch it. I haven't signed anything yet.

"Caroll", I heard someone calling behind my back.

"Dylan?", I said. "What are you doing here?", I asked.

I kept on looking behind if he ever saw what just happened between me and Peter.

"So that's the guy?", he eventually changes his tone.

The lights from the light post did not only provide good visibility of the pavement but also the looks of Dylan. I can see that he looked disappointed and pale.

"Peter?"

"By the way, Reighly handed me this". I received medicine. "She wants you to have it".

After he said that he turned his back and started to walk away, "Dylan?".

He stopped.

"I just want you to know that my apologies this morning are sincere. None of what I said to you the night of the incident is your fault. It was mine and I'm so sorry I said those things to you".

"Yeah, I get it"

He began to walk again.

"And, I don't want you to hold a grudge. Actually, I also forgive you for what happened when we first met. It was me overreacting to things", I told him.

"Thanks. I have to go", Dylan said without even looking back.

"Do you consider us friends?", the last thing I asked.

It was for a moment and he responded with a nod.

"Goodbye Caroll", he said and continued to walk away.