month 7 part 3

Grey suggested that we stay in New York for the weekend... weekend turned into five days.

For some weird reasons, neither of us wanted to go back to San Diego.

For one, we had to return to work... and that we were both tryna avoid.

But here, we did nothing all day than eat, sleep and talk.

   It was Wednesday night, I woke up and didn't see Grey in bed.

I got out of the room and checked the living room and kitchen.

Then I walked out to the balcony and found him in the hot tub.

He seemed to be deep in thought that he didn't notice me.

Soft quiet lyrics played from his phone.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I said I he looked up and saw me standing there in my night gown.

He smiled.

"Why are you up?" He asked calmly.

"I'm supposed to be asking you that" I said walking slowly towards him.

"Just needed to clear my head" he said.

"So I should leave?"

He shook his head negatively.

"Please stay" he said and I nodded.

I sat beside the tub. Whether or whether not, I wasn't going to get into the water.

We were quite, allowing the music to envelope us.

..."red light, stop signs..

I still see your face in the white house....

...Front yards...

Can't come pass the places...

"You told me you were going to show me your playlist" I said breaking the silence.

He picked up his phone and gave it to me.

I frowned and looked at it.

"What's your password?" I asked.

He smirked," guess" he said.

"There's nothing in my Head, I have no idea".

"Your birthday silly" he said smiling.

I bit down on my lips as I typed '1011" and it unlocked.

"I forget things a lot, and I don't want to forget your birthday Soo..I used it for something I open everyday.

If I forget your birthday, I forget my phone pin too" he explained.

Another part of Grey I haven't seen

I went to his audiomark and saw 895 songs. I was shocked.

"800??". I said in shock.

"I delete songs everyday, it was more than that"

I started scrolling through the songs.

He was right, he had everything in his phone.

From the likes of Harry styles, to Lil Wayne to Juice wrld, to Doja cat, to Lil Nas, to Olivia Rodrigo to AJR, to Ed Sheeran to Allen Walker,to Eminem, to Beyonce, to Rihanna, to Pop smoke, to Lil Baby, to Shawn Mendes, to Da baby, to Dax, to Bruno Mars, to The weekends, The Migos,he had everything, both the ones I could mention and the ones I couldn't, I couldn't even check them all, they were so many.

"Like what you see?"

"Hell yeah, I mean, you have everything in here, heartbreak, depression, trap songs, happy songs.. God I could live here." I said running through the music.

",I'm a music freak" he said.

"I know right, I mean even Jacob didn't like music this much as you did" I said.

Then I noticed him arch a brow at me.

Wait...did I say that out loud.

Then the way I kept my face... that alone sold me out.

"Jacob?" He asked.

"Uhhhh... he's uhhh" I stuttered.

I sighed," my ex" I said looking down on the hot water in the tub.

"Something you want to talk about now or?"

I exhaled.   He was still gonna find out anyway.

"I think about 4 years ago, I uhh...I got a personal body guard, his name was Jacob and uhhhhmmm....he had a similar story as mine; growing up without help and he said he had a dream to be a model too and all and uhh..

I admired him, not wait..it was more than admiration...it was deeper.

I helped him ,I brought him out into the fashion world, and everything.

We started dating,I ...I...I had a problem back then with being too gullible, he had lied to me several times that he loved me and all, and I believed, didn't realize I was just the weapon he was looking for to become a star.

I noticed he started cheating on me, it was obvious, everyone knew it , but I chose not to believe it, not because I was stupid or so much in love, it was because I was always giving people second chances, I thought he would change, I thought he would realize what he was doing was wrong and changed, but he didn't.

One day, Suzie and I got booked for an appointment in Mexico and I told him I would be off for the rest of the week and he pretended to be sad and all.

By the time we reached the airport, the person said he changed his mind and that we should forget about the appointment for now, that was when I decided to go home and meet him.

I was so happy until I opened the door and met him on bed with another woman.

Maybe... maybe I would have forgiven him, maybe I would have....I don't know...give him a second chance or something  if he had apologized, if he showed remorse or acted like he was guilty or something.

But he didn't...he didn't care...he literally said that he had been cheating on me all along and he wasn't sorry about it.

He said because I was too nice, he said we would have broken up a long time ago but I was just too nice to break up with him.

I ...I was pained, broken, shattered.

He said that no one will love me for me, he said that the world no longer valued relationships without sex, and that if I was thinking about him dating me without having sex, I was wasting my time .

He said no one will ever love me, they'll only love me because in a celebrity or something and that I didn't deserve his love....

Oh well..." I said and shrugged.

Grey slowly swam to where I was sitting and stayed in front of me. He stared at me again, those type of stares that'll literally make me melt.

"And do you believe him...?" He asked

I shrugged," I don't know...I mean, it looks too real, it's coming into reality don't you think?, My dad left us, my foster father barely even care about me..I don't know what to believe Grey" I said in a sober tone and stared at the water.

"Bella look at me" he said and I did.

"If no one in the entire world shouldn't be loved, you should.

Maybe it's your definition of love that's confusing you.

Love is not those teenage hormonal feelings you get that could be easily crushed, love is not you being attracted to someone because I physical appearance... Love is not sex... love is far from sex... love is not a fucken feeling it's a goddamn lifestyle.

Love has been abused to the extent that even kids say it so easily.

It's not all about the butterflies, the lust, the sexual attraction and desires, it's far different than that.

Because the truth is, if you love someone you'll still be there even if the person isn't.

Today everyone says I love you without even knowing what they are saying. I love you doesn't mean I love your face it means I'll still be there even if you become ugly.

I love you doesn't mean I love your legs it means I'll still love you on wheel chairs.

I love you doesn't mean I love your eyes it means I'll still be by your side even if you become blind and be a burden to me I'll  never leave you.

So that guy, he doesn't even have an atom of love to give .

Bella you deserve better than a guy that is looking for your body instead of your heart, and I'm grateful to the heavens that you left him because you would have remained in that relationship being blind thinking you were in love.

Love is deep Bella, and everyone in the entire world deserves love and deserves the best... okay?"

This was the most sweetest and most emotional thing anyone has said to me.

And believe me, I wasn't expecting this from Grey .. this was the last thing I ever expected to hear from Grey.

This type of love Grey was talking to was different, the type I had never heard before.

All this while I had thought those cringe feelings I felt was love...it was only lust.

Grey was wise, filled with wisdom even at a very young age.

..."my mother taught me that Bella, never to misuse the word I love you, ever, never to tell anyone that if I don't mean it.

Infatuation, crush, that's not love, those are teenage fantasies. That will eventually fade away.

The true definition of love is that of Catherine and Heathcliff in Withering Height, that's why sometimes love is obsessive and sometimes demonic.

Their love was unique, it went beyond physical appearance and body type, it went so far that even in Catherine's grave, Heathcliff still chased after her.

So if you're not ready to be sleeping beside the grave of someone you claim to love, then you're not ready, because you see love, love doesn't move on, love keeps fighting... love sometimes can be toxic, In as much as it's a beautiful thing it can very dangerous.

So Bella, of course you didn't deserve his love, it's too cheap for someone like you" then he smiled.

I sighed and smiled back," thanks for that, I needed it" I said and chuckled nervously.

He nodded. "Wanna get in?" He asked noticing I was staring into the water.

"I .. uhhm...I don't know" I said nervously.

"It's just a hot tub, no chlorine, no nothing" he said

"Don't be scared" he added.

I slowly nodded my head.

His hand slowly snaked around my waist and his other hand on my legs supporting me inside.

Fuck these goosebumps

Finally, my legs finally touched the ground. It wasn't deep...at least I couldn't drown in it.

I then looked up from the water and found Grey staring at me.... again.

"Sorry I didn't tell you this earlier but... you're really beautiful Bella"..

You know, I might just melt into the hot tub if this continues further.

I bit my lips trying to hold the blush. Then a realized I was still in Grey arms.

"You're still holding me" I said flushed.

"I know, you're too scared to let me go" he teased and I then realized that that I was holding him pretty tight.

I sighed and rested my head on his shoulders and he wrapped his hands tighter around me.

We stood in each other's arms saying nothing, letting the cool music envelope us.

...."so you can keep me...

Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans...

Holding me closer till our eyes meet...

You'll know you'll never be alone..."

"Bella..."Grey whispered.

"Thanks for tolerating me even when I pushed you away... I'm really grateful you stayed." He said.

I paused and looked at him... like who was supposed to be thanking who? Me or him??

"Is this a joke? I'm supposed to be the one thanking you.. you've been of so much help to me..I haven't" I said.

"Who said you haven't?" he asked

"Not as much as you have that's certain" I said...

He smiled," you'll never even know baby... you won't".

That again, it's like he knew the effect it had on me.

He smirked. I slowly began noticing our faces were coming closer to each other.... again .

This time, I feared to resist.

I kept my eyes glued to his lips.

"Bella...." He called again this time very quiet I could barely hear a thing.

"Mmm" I mumbled afraid that if I open my mouth, our lips will meet.

"Are we still taking things slow?" He asked.

By this time, my heart beat increased rapidly,my thoughts were running wild.

It's just lust Bella...

"How about... average speed" I said.

And slowly, for the first time since I met Grey, we kissed.

Our lips moving slowly on each other. A slow, passionate kiss. It wasn't fast, it wasn't Hasty,. It wasn't needy or demanding. It was just.... perfect.

...."holding me closer till our eyes meet...

You know you'll never be able...

Wait for me to come home..."

Photograph~ Ed Sheeran