month 4

as much as I tried to communicate with Grey, he sure did a good job avoiding me.

It even became worse after his Aunt's birthday.

Was there something I said that got him More upset?

He obviously knew that everything I said was a lie so why would he be upset?

I tried asking him if anything was the matter but he only shook his head negativity and ignored me.

At last, my one week break was over and it was time for me to continue my work...at least that kept my mind off Grey.

Mexico, Canada and Paris was fun, especially Paris, I loved their style, culture and way of life, it was a beautiful place, honestly.

After that, Suzie suggested that we go to Hawaii for the weekend, just for fun and to chill out a little.

Hawaii had always been my all time favorite, I even use to imagine how I would spend my honeymoon there with my husband in the island all by ourself.

But the opposite happened, infact I didn't even get a honeymoon after my wedding.

There was a guy from a country in Africa called Nigeria that we met there.

He told us alot about his African culture and most of all, their delicacies.

There was one he taught Suzie and i- Fried Rice.

I literally thought it was just dumping a bowl of rice into hot oil and allowing it to dry until he explained better that it was different than that and gave us the recipe.

When we got back to our lodge, we tried it and boy was it nice.

I was definitely going to cook this for Grey when I go home... that is, if he'll even want to eat.

After almost a month, it was time for me to go home .

I was probably going to have at least a week break because I was tired... very tired.

I'll just focus on the fashion boutique for the meantime.

And probably on Grey.

I walked into the house and met Martins sitting on the chair, when he saw me he frowned and I started feeling guilty.

" Tired of ignoring me yet?" He sounded pained.

Truthfully, I wasn't ignoring him, I just needed space at that time I then I forgot.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to... my mind was just so crowded...I just...I just...I'm sorry" I said honestly.

"I was worried, honestly .. even Gre-...I had to call Suzie and that was when she told me that you were with her in

Los Angeles.".

Ouuuuuuu, Suzie didn't tell me that she had Martins number

Not now subconscious...get out!!!

"I'm really, really sorry Martins, just needed to clear my head...I'm really sorry".

"It's ok tho, I understand" he gave me a small smile.

"So how was your trip" he added as we sat down

"Was fun... stressful but fun, I love Hawaii" I said

He paused

"Did you tell Grey before you traveled this time" a glint of worry appeared on his face.

Well I did tell him that other day yunno... and I would have reminded him again if he wasn't avoiding me completely.

"Uhm... kinda...why?"

He didn't say anything... it's like he wanted to, but he chose not to.

But before he could say anything, Grey appeared.

He looked at me for almost 20 seconds saying nothing.

Then he sighed and said calmly," what did we talk about the other about you disappearing without telling me"

" Well I did tell you that day that I was traveling, didn't I?

" Probably skipped my mind, you would have reminded me."

"Of course, everything about me skips your mind including my name.

And I would have reminded you, but you were the one ignoring me... completely ignoring me, I even asked you if everything was ok but you ignored me, what did you expect me to do??"

He is quiet, he looked at Martins and said something with his eyes that only both of them could understand.

"Ok, fair enough, that's alright. But please, even if you can't tell me directly, drop a note, and indication, anything please" he said

"And why do you care?"

"Because I care about-" he paused and swallowed hard as his voice began to rise.

His voice went almost in a whisper," too many people disappear and never come back , too many, just let me know...please ...I don't want to my mind filled with worrying if you're ok or not every little time my mind is Free okay?"

He didn't even wait for my response, he walked out if the house and closed the door behind him.

Why was he sounding like that? Why was he sounding like he cared all of the sudden?

Because he cares for you stupid

Maybe he was changing? Or someone or something was changing him?

I sighed and put my face in my Palm.

"Hey it's okay... he was already going out before you came in, by the time he's back he'll be alright" Martins said patting my shoulder.

"Why is he like this" I asked still in my Palms

"How?"

I got up abruptly throwing my hands in the air.

"Complicated!!  So much complicated God!"

I try to massage the side of my head with my fingers.

"I can't even predict him!!, I can't explain him I can't know his intentions or emotions or the explanation to what he says cus he's never in a certain mood.

It always changes and it's Godddd" I groaned.

"Bella..calm down.. just relax"

I took a deep breath in and out.

" Yeah I know, Grey is complicated... and I can't tell you to try and understand him because honestly...I don't even understand him sometimes.

But here's one thing,he's a mess... he's a fucken mess..."

"You think I'm not a mess to Martins?? God I'm worse than he could be in everyway but do I bring it to the world or pour my depression and problems on other people??

I'm tired ... how long is it three months?? Four months??

What about people that are married for 8 years, 10 years even 20??

Is this how I'm going to spend the rest of my life?? Frustrated and confused and ... and..."

I didn't complete my sentence and he pulled me into a hug.

" Trust me Bella, this whole situation is not as it seems...he..he doesn't have a choice... what he's doing, is for the best.. for you..for..."

I pulled away from him.

I don't understand..is he normal or something??

"So playing rollercoaster rides with my mind is for the best Martins?? ...no tell me it's for the best?? He doesn't have a choice?? He doesn't have a choice to let this shit slide and get to his head that we are going to be married for a long time???

He can't just accept this shit and move on??

What the fuck Martins???"

Martins looked like he wanted to cry .

He ran his hands through his head and started pacing around.

"Bella... listen to me... it's not...it's not what it looks like...I'm not trying to cover for him because he's my best friend or what ever... believe me.

I just want you to understand something.

What you're seeing is not what's going on... there are other things... Other things that you don't know about..I swear"

"Then tell me..tell me what the hell is going on cuz I can't take this any longer" I said desperate literally loosing it.

He bit down on his lips," I can't..I'm sorry..but I just can't"

I covered my face with my hands and tried to control my temperament.

I shouldn't be pouring all this on Martins, he didn't do anything wrong ... he was just trying to be helpful.

" You know what Martins, just forget about it.

It's fine..I don't even care anyway.

Thanks for your help tho, honestly.. thanks a lot" I said.

He still looked worried," you should get some rest, I'm sure you had a long day"

I nodded," you're right, I should get some sleep".

Then I turned around and walked away upstairs and went into my room .

I sighed, I took a bath and changed into some clothes.

I checked the time, it was 4:16pm.

I sat on the floor and brought out my laptop to try and do some work.

That was all I remembered till my eyes closed and opened again and this time it was dark.

I started at the time and it was 10:15pm.

I stirred on the bed lazily.

Wait .. bed??

I sat up abruptly, I turned and saw my laptop closed on my side table and I was under the covers in my bed.

I didn't fall asleep on the bed...I slept on the floor.

Grey??

I threw the covers out of my body and got down from the bed.

It was hot asf...geez.

I got out of the room and walked outside and headed downstairs and walked out of the building.

The moon was full again.

What a beauty..

I carried my legs around the House and headed to the pool.

I stared at the water

My greatest fear

Memories of the last time I entered a pool flooded me head.

I shivered a little and slowly walked towards it.

I sat down beside it and allowed the cool water hit my legs only.

Then I noticed something inside the pool...

The fuck.....

then it rose to the surface and sprang out.

I flinched cuz I wasn't expecting anyone to be inside especially that long.

This guy was crazy ... very crazy..

Or was he trying to drown himself before I came,. It's a shame I interrupted him isn't it.

" What the hell where you doing in there??" I shrieked.

" Swimming" he said in an obvious tone

" Why that long.. what if you had drowned or something??"

I small smile played on his face.

"So you care huh?"

The fuck does he think he's saying?

" No I don't" I said giving him a disgusted face.

But this time, his smile only deepened. Wait.. this was like my first time seeing him smile.

" Oh sure you do" he said.

I rolled my eyes and was about to stand up.

" I noticed you've never gotten into the pool before" he said.

This time it was my turn to talk stupid,"oh so you're keeping tabs on what I do? You're stalking me aren't you?"

He smirked this time.

" Yes, I do....is there a problem  with that?"

I expected him to deny it but he just came clean.

I rolled my eyes and stared at the water ... remembering why I'm so afraid of it.

Remembering all the negativity it held and why I chose never to go into it.

" I'm allergic to chlorine" I said.

He arched one of his brow up confused.

"Chlorine?"

"Yes...the chlorine in the pool.it almost killed me when I was small"

Then , memories of myself dying crowded my head.

His silence explained that he wanted to me to explain what happened.

I sighed with my eyes still on the water.

" When I was nine, I signed up for this junior Olympic competition...a swimming contest actually because..the reward was going to be something that would have probably changed my life back then and all.

I was good at it.. swimming was my hobby and I was always practicing.

But I noticed that whenever I stayed long in the pool I would feel choked up and would get out.

It started first slowly, it wasn't so serious, then it began to increase, ten minutes after entering the water I would come out and my coach would think that I was just being lazy or I was slaking out.

Until the day of the competition, this time around , the chlorine concentration was very high... very very high, as soon as I got into the water I started feeling dizzy and struggled to breath. My eyes slowly started closing and I that point I stopped swimming and sat in the pool.

People thought I had stopped swimming probably because I thought I had lost but still tried cheering me to still try and go for it.

But after seconds I started hearing their voice from a far distance. I was very weak I couldn't even swim to the surface.

5 minutes gone and i didn't move, that was when they noticed something was wrong and the life guard quickly jumped in and pulled me out.

I was numb, I didn't even feel anything around me and my vision was very blur.

I could hear my mother screaming my name and shaking me but it felt like it was only a whisper.

That was when I closed my eyes and blacked out.

The next time my eyes opened, I was in a room surrounded with pipes running through every opening in my body.

My mother was right beside me and when she realized I had woken up, she began to cry.

She told me I was unconscious for about 2 months and the doctors said the only reason I made it alive was because I was brought to the hospital immediately.

That was when she told me about my allergies with chlorine and how I had to stop swimming.

Honestly..for days I cried for days sometimes wishing that I had died.... escaping all the pain in this world" my voice suddenly broke down at this point.

" My mother began to cry too saying that I also wanted to leave her in this world alone.. and began to blame herself for the misfortune that fell around us. That was when I wiped my tears remembering everything we had both gone through together and realizing the trauma she would go through if I died and she would have probably killed herself.

At a very young age of ten, I wiped my tears and vowed never to die, never to leave her, ever.

I also promised myself that day that it would be the last time I would ever cry in my entire life, I promised myself that nothing would make me cry, and most importantly, I would never live to see her cry

When the bills came , truthfully, even if we had sold all our properties in everything we ever owned, we wouldn't still be able to pay it.

That was when the state government had to step in and promised to pay  our bills.

And ever since then, I dreaded the water, I avoided it with everything within me.

And that's why I don't swim"

I know I had said more than what I was asked , I had digressed, I had opened too much of my emotions and pains.

But this was Grey, this wasn't someone you would express your feelings to and expect sympathy from.

I stared back at him and I saw that same expression again as the one I saw on his face when we were in his aunt's birthday.

I wish I could explain it but I couldn't, and I part of me saw a bit of what it meant ...sympathy ...

He opened his mouth to say something...

Then his phone on his table began to ring.

I sighed and got out of the water, got the phone and frowned at the caller.

Then he picked it," hello father" he said.

His father said something that I couldn't hear,I turned and looked at me,his expression changed again and he wasn't happy. then he  got back into the house still on phone with him.

I waited for a while, after a while, I went back to my room.

And until I slept off, he didn't come back to bed.

By the time I woke up the next morning, Grey had already gone to work, and I didn't want to that day.

I began to rethink about Grey behavior the previous day, when I came back it almost sounded like he was worried about me... Martins telling me it wasn't what it looked like and I wouldn't understand what was going on... His sudden change of attitude in the pool ... smiling... listening to me..... feeling sympathy???

I was confused.. very confused...why all the rollercoaster actions?? Why can't he just be straight forward??

I wanted to believe that he was changing but I feared that it would only become worse.

I spent the entire day shopping for groceries.

Grey barely stocked the kitchen , infact he never did.

He only ate cereals and junk food.

And he wasn't even fat!?

When I got back to the house I had a massive idea, remembering the African delicacy that I was taught how to cook.

I made it and hoped that Grey would like it.

Surprisingly, Grey came back from work pretty early only 6 minutes past 3.

He looked cold and grumpy as usual.

He was back to his old mood again..

Oh for God sake I just cooked.

"Is .... everything okay?You don't look happy" I asked as he headed towards the stairs.

He didn't say anything, he just kept waking and nodded his head.

Was the nod an ' I'm fine' nod or ' I'm not fine' nod???

I sighed and set the table.

I waited a while and went upstairs.

He was on the bed with him phone to his face.

"Uhm... you okay?" I asked.

He nodded again.

"Well, I just cooked.. and uhhm...it's an African recipe I just tried..if you're hungry you can have some downstairs if you want."

He didn't look from his phone, he just nodded his head again.

I closed the door and went downstairs to the dinning table and started eating.

Few minutes later he walked down stairs quietly and sat across from me and stared at the food noticing it was different.

The he grabbed his fork to eat and then I paused and put his hand on his face.

"Is there..." He started after trying effortlessly to remember my name again.

" Is there cinnamon in this?"

My hands flew to my mouth as I remembered.

"Oh. my. God I'm so sorry I forgot...I totally forgotten I'm so sorry" I said sincerely.

Why did I forget that he was allergic to it.

He didn't say anything, it was like he was angry but trying not to show it.

He stood up and walked away back to the room and heard him slam it behind him.

I quickly picked up my phone and called Martins.

"Hello"I whimpered

" Bella..Is everything okay?? Are you alright..why do you sound like that?" I could hear worry in his voice.

" Can you please come over?"

" I'm in front of the house already, Grey left pretty early From work and he didn't even tell me so I came to find out why?? Is there anything wrong?" He sounded so desperate.

" I'm fine.. just come inside" I said and cut the call.

After about a minute or two I heard him enter the house calling my name.

Then he came inside the dinning room and saw me seated there.

He looked at the food and then back at me.

"What happened?"

I sighed and pulled my hair in frustration.

" I forgot...I just forgot.."was all I could say.

He walked up to me.

"Forgot what?"

"It was an accident I promised...it's not like I'll do it on purpose" I continued whining.

"Bella look you aren't making any sense, what happened?"

I swallowed hard," I forgot he was allergic to cinnamon, I tried making the food perfect, hell we seemed fine yesterday and after that I don't know what happened again.

I'm human I make mistakes now c'mon"

Martins then understood.

"Where is he?"

"His room" I said.

"Lemme talk to him, I don't think he's pissed because of that only" Martins said and went upstairs.

Congratulations Bella, you've succeeded in ruining everything... again!!!!!

A/N:

Hey lovies and love loves, how are you seeing the book so far?

Ceejhay ❤️