Confession

Julian POV:

A few days had passed since I returned from the Diamond Kingdom.

The squad of Blue Rose and the rescued mages had a heartful reunion with Charlotte profusely thanking us.

Annie was there too and personally thanked me.

After all the mages had recovered, the Blue Rose squad threw a party inviting our entire squad.

Fortunately, everyone was well behaved and no accidents happened.

In the report I gave to the wizard king, I didn't mention the fight with Meruem and only mentioned it to Yami.

Wizard King was glad that I didn't kill any general as it might bring complications during hard times in the kingdom.

The details about his mission were only kept among the Wizard king and the two squads.

This mission got the Black Bulls some stars and extra reward money from the Blue Rose.

Everything turned out to be fine, it's just that my frustration increased again.

The past few events have continuously made me feel weak...The fight against Alric was totally one-sided and now Meruem.

I still vividly remember how close Finral and Secre were to death since I could not handle Meruem.

The thing that frustrates me the most was that I have a power within me that I cannot control yet.

This is the second time that happened.

When I reach a position that is close to death, my body goes on auto-pilot mode and uses powers that I have no clue how to use like the Black Flames and Advanced level Sealing magic.

Unlike Asta and Yuno, I don't have such a noble dream to become the Wizard King and end discrimination.

The only goal I have is strength.

Strength to live as I like, strength to protect what I love.

There is always a sense of urgency behind my mind telling me to get strong or else I will lose everything.

All of these frustrations made me start a round of intense training with Kirin.

Leaving aside lightning magic and spirit assimilation, I started to focus on my flames and increase my mastery over mana pressure.

In my fight against Alaina and Meruem, I got to feel how an attack charged with Mana pressure felt.

The known limit to reinforcement magic is Grand Master but with the addition of Mana pressure, the power level goes even beyond.

People like Captain Yami, Mereoleona, and Nacht could use mana pressure in their attacks but none of them are ready to teach me so I have to do it myself.

During this training session, I tried to increase my understanding of Light, Dark, and World tree magic which showed some results.

To understand them better, I forgot that I ever had fire magic and only thought of that particular magic type I was trying to use.

Just like the evolution of magic, these three magic types require a certain type of desire and emotions to utilize.

For Light Magic, it was arrogance, pride, and authority.

The emotion that I am special, I am above everyone else.

Although I could not bring out enough mana to use a spell, I could somehow use the speed of light to teleport from one position to another.

This was similar to the movements that I did with lightning magic so it was easy to learn.

I did not perfect it to the degree that I can use it at will but improvement is an improvement.

The prolonged use of light magic temporarily forced me to see every creature below me.

Fortunately, Secre and Kirin were there to bring me back.

I tried combining Light Magic and Fire magic and it worked and turned my flames to white flames for a second before exploding and causing severe burns to my hand.

Sometimes I am grateful that I have healing magic and high tolerance to pain.

For world tree magic, it was gentleness and Love.

The emotions that everything is in balance.

With world tree magic, I could create saplings and vines but nothing too significant.

One interesting thing that I found about World tree magic could absorb mana.

My red flames could absorb mana from the subject to keep itself burning where as the world tree could absorb mana to make the vines stronger.

Finally, Dark Magic…

It is more exhausting that the other two.

Emotions like Hate, Malice, Chaos, and Bloodlust gave it power.

Dark Magic made my reinforcement magic even stronger and synced well with my red flames turning it darker and more destructive.

It was like an endless abyss that wishes to consume everything.

This made me realize that it was the key to unlocking my black flames.

But Just as Yami said, Dark Magic was too dangerous to control.

It intensified my negative emotions to a degree that they turned to bloodlust and a wish for destruction.

This time it was more difficult to snap out of those emotions.

Due to this, my magic went berserk and turned everything around me to nothingness.

If I use Dark, Light, and World Tree Magic together, the power is reduced but the mental pressure is significantly reduced.

Aside from these magic types, I noticed that I had somehow unlocked wind magic. Although it was not noticeable from the outside when I used flame magic, the flow felt more natural as if it was aided by the wind.

I didn't get any notification from the system or update in my grimoire so I don't know for sure.

*******

Crack!

Damn! It hurts…

More crackling sounds came out as my broken legs started to get fixed.

I think it's enough for today, I had broken my legs a total of five times trying to use light magic teleportation.

I forgot the total number of times that I smashed my head into something.

Kirin was bored from all the training and left for the base to play cards with Yami.

It was only me and Secre around a campfire.

Somewhere during the training, she became awfully quiet.

"Why are you trying to suffer alone?" Secre asked.

Her voice contained some strong emotions.

"What do you mean Secre?" I asked

My mind was currently not in the right state at that moment.

"Why do you torture yourself so much? Is that power really worth it ?" she asked.

"Without power…I can't protect anything….

I nearly lost you a few days ago, I don't wish to go through that again."

Secre sat beside me and held my hand.

"Why try to shoulder everything alone?

Ever since you came back, you only trained like a madman forgetting everything about the world.

I am with you, Kirin is with you so why are you trying to do it all by yourself?

We will always be with you so let us help you too.

I can tell that you carry a lot of things in your mind…please share them with me.

Although I don't think I can do much, I will do my best.

It gives me pain seeing you like this"

No words came out of my mouth.

"You appear to be a happy, cheerful person but I can always see the fear in your eyes…. fear of being left alone.

I understand your fears very well so please let me help you.

You are the closest person to me, I cannot see you break your body like this without thinking about others" Secre said as her grip on my hand became stronger.

"What if dark emotions take over you again and you permanently lose yourself !!

You need someone to stay by your side to bring you back.

I may not be that strong but I still can help when it's needed"

Secre looked me in the eyes as time appeared to be frozen.

"I love you Julian…..

I have lost a lot of people whom I loved…..I don't wish to lose you too"

I lost control over my emotions again and tightly hugged her.

"I love you too Secre…..I don't wish to lose you.."

She broke the hug and connected her lips to mine.

A feeling of comfort ness enveloped me that I never felt before.

Secre in my arms felt so feeble as if she would break if I applied a bit of pressure.

The feeling to protect her at all cost rose within my heart as our lips stayed connected.

"From today onwards, you will share everything with me…" Secre said breaking the kiss.

Her face was bright red with embarrassment matching the color of her eyes.