Chapter 27

I don't care if she has her own pair of breasts, she doesn't get to see others! Not until she falls in love! I am going to have to destroy a lot of art while Eve is growing up. A funny thing is Pompeii was a city covered in d*cks. No joke! That's why people thought later that they got destroyed by the gods. But the reason the city was covered in d*cks is because they found it funny. Potty jokes were top class! So it's a social difference.

Thanks go-father that Eve is not around during one of those times. I think I would commit many acts of violence against artists if Eve made a potty joke. She will be the most proper person! My Grammys legacy will live on! But no, I'm not going to abuse Eve. My Grammys method may have been effective but it did not paint her in a good light until later in my life. Oh! Actors are a thing! Kinda.

During history actors were always treated differently. First acting was used as a way to pass religion, so all theatre stems from religion. Which is a bit to think about. But actors are only allowed to act with masks on when they pass godly characters. Like Herakles which is somehow this world too. Herakles must wear a mask so the actor doesn't get smited. A few hundred years ago actors would have been tied up in a coliseum and fed to animals.

Anyway, I destroyed the statue. I am not taking any chances, Eve will grow up as the most kind and pure person in the world! So I lead her into the room and we all look around for anything that could show her status. We look around for around 20 minutes and I end up finding a decorative sword, a bejeweled ring and a silver and gold bracelet. Eve ends up with nothing so I secretly leave the sword and ring in a pile partially out in the open. She finds it and I make sure to make a big deal out of her accomplishments. Her guard found a ceremonial harp, but I doubt it would have any importance.

We look around for a bit longer while the guard is strumming the harm and feeling it up. Creepy. He suddenly shouts out about how great of a person he is, I look over to see in his hand a piece of paper. I rush over and snatch it from his hand. I read over it and apparently it is the deed to the duchy! Man, I'm so lucky! I can believe I found this so easily. Then the guard started to yell at me.

"Hey! I FOUND THAT!"

"Eve! Look what I got! Is proof of your succession!"

"EVE I FOUND IT!"

"Shut up! You're going to scare Eve yelling at her like that!"

"You piece of sh*t!"

"Jealousy is not a good emotion."

"F*ck you!"

"Don't teach Eve to curse! Reinstate your decorum! Act appropriately!"

He just glares at me silently. But at least he stopped teaching Eve horrible words. Now that we have what we require to make Eve the duchess. It's time to commit some arson! I'll let Eve do the honors! And no this is not me teaching Eve bad things! This is me teaching Eve how to get fulfilling revenge against a dead person. Burning all of their belongings that you don't want! Or you could adopt their animals, and train them to tear up papers. Have someone paint a picture of their owner and let them tear it up! That is the best feeling in the world! Or one of them. Plus you get animals! Free animals!

So I run around the room and pile up all of the deceased duke's clothes and ask Miquel to get a torch. He returns a bit later with a lit torch, I hand it to Eve and tell her to throw it into the pile. I could burn it myself but I feel that this is necessary for her to move on! And it gives me a higher chance of her accepting me as her dad. She tosses it into the fire and just stares at the fire as it starts to destroy the clothes. She might be an arsonist, but I support her! Whatever she wants to do in life! I'll make sure she can do it! She wants to burn down the local grainery, then she can! She might also just like burning her dads stuff.

"Eve, do you want to burn more?"

"Yes! This is soo~ fun!"

"I'll get some more right away!"

Such a sweet girl! She must only be saying that because she wants me to feel good about letting her burn stuff! She must be an angel father sent down just for me! So I run around again and grab a few pieces of wooden furniture and some worse looking paintings. Even if we are bonding over arson I need to save resources for future classes! An art class! Drawing was never really my forte but I can claim I drew these! I spent 8 years in art classes and left drawing stick figures with shadows. So that obviously means god only cares about different things! It must be mortals that care about art!

I throw the large furniture into the fire and leave the smaller stuff for Eve to burn. But we are in a closed off room with a huge fire in the center. While the room and we are not getting damaged, the smoke is filling up the area. Magic time! I channel a constant stream of gravity magic into my hand and send it toward the smoke. It pushes the smoke into the corner condensing it. I can run this for probably 15 minutes if I don't push myself! So I have time to let Eve burn some stuff! Surprisingly gas is very light! Well it's not a surprise. Still! It takes a while for the fire to start to lessen and I decide it's time to go.

"Eve! Let's head out."

"Nooo! The fire is so pretty!"