CHAPTER FIFTEEN

"There is no Fear in Love, But Perfect Love Casteth out Fear"

The funeral service of Nana Gregoria is approaching us too fast that before I knew it, I have to say goodbye forever in front of her grave.

"Jesus said, 'I am the resurrection and the life. For those who believe, though he dies, yet shall live; and for those who lives and believes shall never die.' As we accepted Jesus, received him and believed, He gave us the right to become children of God. For God so love the world that He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. Now, as we send our sister in Christ to her final destination here on Earth, we also witness the hands of God, welcoming her on her real home in heaven which is eternal, for our temporary death here on earth is an open door for us to receive our eternity in Him whom we owed our very life. Now, Ma. Gregoria Villaluz Escalante, take hold of the eternal life to which you were called," Reverend Rufino Evangelista said. It turned out that Juliana knew him too. They are not of the same congregation, but as what Ericka said, he and Father Escalante are old colleagues in seminary. Only that Reverend Evangelista followed his calling. He said that, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come." He encountered the Lord when he is at his late twenties and followed a different path. He is a born again Christian and gone on doing so many missionaries and healing camps for a long while. His mission is to help so many lives to attain deliverance and transform lives into servant hood and discipleship.

I look at Juliana. She is not crying. By her peaceful breathing and the way she looks at the grave, I can say that she is praying.

"I feel so inadequate," I tell her.

She gave me a stern look. "It's death. We're supposed to feel inadequate. We humans can overcome just about anything, but we can't overcome death, not as the way we thought it would be. Unless, you already accepted Jesus in your life, that there would be hope after this final season of your life, knowing that there is eternity afterlife. Nathan, the deeper we love, the harder we grieve, not because we are sad in a sense, but because we regretted the time that we wasted that is supposedly the time we share with our love ones."

"But not you," I said out of the blue.

She just nods. "Little by little, we will soon come to the other side, when our love becomes acceptance. We are unable to let go of people all at once, so we let go in stages- imperfect, painful, despair, not always pretty. I did. It's over. Each and every step of the way, God takes hold of what we have let go."

That night, I sat with her, without talking till she fell asleep, and then I left her with Suzy.

As I am heading my way on my unit, I passed a young mother nursing her baby on a stroller, and then I remember my mom. No one will ever love you like your mother, they say. I no longer remember that kind of love. The last time I check, she vanished completely without leaving a single trace. But it's not the way it seems for Juliana. Her mother died. Yes. But Nana Gregoria gave her so much, more than a mother could ever love a child. She's like a light on her that burns brightest when the world seems darkest. Then I remember the last request of the old woman- Juliana's father. When I reached home, I made my way straight on my netbook and search for the name David Baxter. U.S. Air force 55th Command, Lieutenant Captain, Nigel David Baxter, First Class, Texas USS Airbase Flying Portal. I get it. I almost forget him. Nigel, a close friend and mentor of Ryan and Nadine. Nigel Baxter. It's him! What a small world.

The next morning, I asked Juliana if she ever have any memorabilia from her Dad.

"I only have this locket," she said as she handed it to me. "That's my mom and him."

I look closely at the picture. I am right. There is no doubt.

"My mom is a volunteer from Red Cross. She's a nurse in U.S. and was designated in the U.S. Base in Detroit. They were so young back then. My mom never tells me his name yet she keeps on repeating that same old story. It was like music into my ears. Even I won't remember it, uncle keeps on reminding me how faithful and unconditional love it was back then. He told me that they even get married secretly before in Detroit, even in the amidst of war. But mom just filed divorce and eloped with me."

"What happened?"

She just shrugs. "Choices."

"Choices?"

"Maybe, they just find the right love at the wrong time."

I hesitate at first, but I still decided to hold her hand close to mine.

"Should we find him?"

She gives me a surprising stare.

"I want to ask your hand in front of him. Before I aboard. You know that I am a worrier, right? And I'm afraid I might not live a single day without you. Let's fly together in North Carolina."

Actually, I asked Nadine about everything she knows on this Nigel Baxter. Apparently, he is no longer teaching in Texas. He already settled in North Carolina with his new found family. At fifty, he is managing a ranch of his own with his wife Estelle and two daughters, Millie and Casey, eight and nine.

It took Juliana a great courage before I convinced her to come.

"You think he would acknowledge me?" she asks and for the very first time I see the uncertainty and worry on her eyes.

"Of course, "I said, "Because I believe he already loved you even before he knew that a great daughter like you does exist."

With that, she hugs me so tight.

Nadine gave us his address. The ranch is so amazing. It's a paradise. There's the barn and an inn full of lovely horses. There are the fields with cows and a large plantation of crops and fruit-bearing trees. The place is so peaceful, considering that it is near the location of the riverbank. From there, you can see the streams that connect the North Carolina Sea to the reservoir.

"Are you ready?" I ask her.

"Of course. Perfect love casteth out fear."

Slowly, she made her way in front of her father's doorstep, while I am waiting behind her.

"Hello, is anybody home?" she calls out.

"Are you lost kids?" a strong voice inquires behind us. As we turn around and finally see that man face to face, both of us turn into a halt and became speechless.

"I am Nigel, what can I do for you?"

I am about to back-up Juliana but she stops me.

���You have a nice ranch," she said.

"Ah- yeah, I guess," Nigel answered.

"My Nana sent me here to look for you," then she hands her the locket. "I am Juliana, Julia's daughter. It's me, Dad."

A wonderful moment of reunion and reconciliation between the two. I see. Juliana will no longer be alone anymore. Without me, there is still someone to look after her.

I decided to give them a quality time for each other. I lit a cigarette and start on smoking outside. What ifs hunt me again. What if I have my mom here? Will she be happy for what I have achieved?

"Thank you for bringing here my daughter, pal."

I turn on him. I tried to offer him some cigar but he refuse.

"Oh, no. thank you. I gave up smoking, as well as drinking. Those were the days of service. Very bad habits. I'm fine. Besides I am retired and middle age and I love my life."

"Juliana is so happy to see you. She longs for you."

He just nods then he kicks a small stone. "I never imagine that I will be able to see her, at least. Even for once."

I just look at him.

"Julia, her mother, is my greatest love. I believed," he sighs again. "But I have to go on different places and she had to exit U.S. Her visa expires, and she told me that she can't breathe here. She is like a main stay nobody who doesn't belong and she misses her home. Why? I can't go with her. I have a life here. Long distance seems to defeat our love and I lost contact. A colleague told me that she's carrying our child that time, and I never cease on longing for this child."

"It's over then, the regrets and heartaches," I tell him.

"Yes, thanks to you, young man," he said as he taps my shoulder.

"Nah, granny deserves the credits," I answered.

"I see. Knows what, the only true important thing in life is love. Without love, we die, at least on the inside. Without love, we cannot know each other and we cannot know God. In fifty years, I never cease on loving, as best I can, often clumsily and fitfully, even foolishly to mankind, to animals, to ideas, and beliefs, to my work, to my country, and to God. Love moves like the speed of light. It never ages, even if we do."

I just nod. "I guess, I knew whom Juliana resembles the most."

He smiles.

"Sir, can I ask you something?"

"Go on."

"I want to marry your daughter."

I guess, I finally understood when Juliana said those words, because there's no fear in love, but a perfect love casteth out fear. I believe her.