Chapter Four

Six days in the hospital and no visit. Not a call and not even a card. Everyone has come to see me but not the one person I want to see. He is going about his life as if nothing has happened as if his girlfriend is not in a hospital. As if his girlfriend has not faced a near death situation. He does not even have the decency to ask of my health from anybody or pick up my calls. The fucked up thing was I am always going to run back to him. I am so stupid that I can not stand my ground when it comes to him. I give him all the sex he wants yet still he goes for more outside. With other people. And I take him back I always do. Because I am stupid. Because I am mad enough to love him regardless of his continuous cheating.

I know that should he appear at the door right now, I'm going to forget all about the fact that he has not come to see me and has been seeing other girls and having fun. I want to hate him so much but it is just so impossible. I try his number for the last time.

'Heyy' he calls out and I am filled with so much happiness. 'Hi. I hope me calling you has done nothing to disrupt your plans for the night. ' 'Not at all.'

'Oh.. did you cancel your plans for Zoë for the night?' I ask and he snorts. 'Can we not talk about that? How are you doing?' He asks and at this point in time I want to have him in front of me so I can hit him and hurt him. I want to hurt him back for all the hurt he has caused me.

'I didn't think that you cared enough to find out. Hell you haven't even picked up my calls or returned any of it I'm quite suprised you could even answer this one and have time to talk to me.' I rush out before I loose the confidence to do so.

'Babe, you know it's not like that. You know that I'm very busy. I'll be coming to see you tomorrow.' 'Don't you bother. I'll be discharged today. You can go and keep getting list in all the other girls you are having fun with.' 'I'll come pick you up. Wait for me.' He says and I so want to let him but I want to end this. I am tired of this life. I'm tired of bring torn over and over again. 'Chris is here to take me home. Dont bother. I'll see you and when I do, we need to have a serious conversation about us. I have to go now. I hope you have an orgasm. Bye.' I hung up before he can say something to convince me. I change onto the clothes Jessie brought me.

Thankfully she didn't tell my parents where I was or anything bout what happened. I didn't want to deal with the fact that they wouldn't want me to continue to be in the school. I walk out of the room and find Chris standing there oblivious of the fact that I just got out of my room.

'Hell. J you should have called. I asked you to call me. Why are you so darn stubborn and want to do everything on your own? ' he starts to scold me and I giggle . 'I'm sorry. Just didn't want to bother or be a burden to you.' I say honestly feeling bad that I was depending so much on him. I seriously feel like I'm a burden. Even though he is not in my class, he has gotten all my notes and assignments for me. He has stayed by my side in the hospital and taken care of me. He even confessed his feeling to me l. But me being me, I told him off. I told him I was not in love with him. Yet still, he stayed by my side and took care of me.

'You are not a bother or a burden. You can never be any of that to me. Have you heard me complain?' He asks me and I shake my head. 'Then do not talk about yourself like that to me ever again. Do you understand?' I nod and hug him. I whisper a thank you and let him lead me put of the hospital and into the waiting car.

'I have one question for you though.' He states as we leave the hospital premises. I look at him and nod giving him the permission to pry.' Why do you do it?' I know what he is talking about but I look at him like I dont and he clarifies it. 'Why do you always take him back and forgive him after he hurts you and cheats and does all those despicable things?'

'I don't know. Maybe because I love him. Or maybe because in his own twisted way he does love me. Or just the fact that I am not ready to loose him.'

'Sorry to say this but I dont think he does love you. At least not like I do. I think he is in love with the concept of you.'

'Chris!' I say with admonition in my voice. 'Fine. I'm going to lay off. But I just want you to know that I love you and I'm always going to be there for you. Now be a good girl and let Jessie take care of you.' He says as he pulls up in the parking lot of my dorm. I hug him and get out. He does same and helps me take my things. I don't even bother to try and convince him to stop but so I let him walk me to my room.

'Thanks a lot.' I say again and hug him one last time. 'No need to mention it. I do not want to hear that pretty mouth of yours thanking me for something I do out of love ever again. Do you understand me?' 'Yes sir.' I say with a mock salute and he smiles. 'You really should stop calling me sir. Makes me want to do some things to you right now and right here. Now get inside the room and lock it before I loose my cool.' He says with a smile and I do exactly that. I see Jessie seated there and run to hug my best friend.