Comments of chapter undefined of Reincarnated as a Hero- and the Wrong Gender?!
Reincarnated as a Hero- and the Wrong Gender?!
Rebuilt_Kitsunii
Chapter comments33
hope you aren't the type that takes criticism poorly, but if I'm being completely honest, this chapter could use some work. maybe that's not even it, might just need to be split into two parts. It felt like there was way too much going on at one time. maybe you were going for the chaotic battlefield type of feeling but it just felt like things were jumping around a lot. suddenly she's knocked on her a**, then she kills a knight, then the hero shows up, then she jumps to a little girl, then the hero is back, then she kills the hero, then another hero(?) shows up, that hero drops a bombshell then immediately disappears lost in the confusion, the girls are back, the fight is over. I know that's oversimplified and I actually missed some things that happened in between but that's kind of my point. far too much happened in this one chapter. maybe you didn't want a cliffhanger in the middle of the fight but they are important and used for more than just trying to keep the readers coming back for more. they give the readers time to soak in all that happened and break the action up a bit. you could have built up a bit of suspense for her first real confrontation with a hero. maybe hint at the other hero being present. I'm not even entirely sure what happened to the person saying lily was only 12 since only lily was told to run after she killed the knights but there were no deaths from the citizens apparently. anyway, that's just my advice. hope you don't take it the wrong way
If you need more time to collect your thoughts, then a slower pace might be more beneficial to you. Otherwise if you think you can write in cliffhangers and mid chapter cuts without losing fluidity and immersion, then I'd say that's also viable. One thing I always keep in mind when I write and you've probably heard before but it's good advice: Every time you put down your pen in the middle of a tale you need to find a way to keep the readers invested, wanting to know what will happen soon. Every time you pick the pen back up again, you need to shock them back into your world like a splash of cold water to the face. In this way you hook your audience and keep them during the intermission.
