17. To be or not to be?
Marie took few minutes letting Karis calm down and started telling her story. It seemed that her face was permanently stuck in this melancholy, that made Karis wonder why others were so happy.
-I wasnt like other censers, i am a Nephilim, my father was an angel. My childhood was somewhat good, I don't remember my mother well anymore, she is more like a spirit now, but my adoptive family was very supportive over me and the whole village too. I had brother Eric, but oh how much i loved him. I still think he was my first love,- a hint of smile appeared on her face, yet her eyes darted downwards.
-Then i got taken by demons, brainwashed and turned into their healing tool, don't get me wrong, the villagers suffering from plague didn't do anything wrong, i loved helping them, but when my "sisters" and "father" got into lying too much, all joy has disappeared. But then i got Ullmon by my side. Our relationship felt like a rollercoaster. He was swaying back and forth, even after being locked by my chains, i wish i knew sooner about his plots. But at the same time, i somehow trusted him with my mind and my heart, that's how he managed to summon my weapon. I was most beautiful scythe ever. You cant blame me, i was in different country, i had no one but him,- Karis nodded silently and Marie too a pause do compose herself.
-But he was a pupped of plague goddess, loyal to his mother, even while being blinded by love of my chains, he stuck to his mothers side. I was devastated, i could use my censer for a while, but then he disappeared, we had a fight, i told him to stay away from me, for a bit, yet i met this man, i don't remember his name, we got married i was so happy on that day, only for me to find out he was another pawn in the game, he threw me into soul river. Ullmon broke my command by going after me, risking his own life, it really touched me, when ever i rethink of the events, i think that was the first time i realized he might actually love me. To save me he used his only god favour and brought me back into life. I hated that, i felt betrayed by everyone as my memories came back, as i learned who was who, but i had no time time to grieve, to make amendments. War broken out, goddess has advanced, this time Ullmon stayed by my side, even if he kept breaking the commands one after another, he lost control during battle. I never seen him so scary,-she snickered.
-How did you die?- this question was hanging on tip of Karis tongue whole time, her story was immersive, but there had to be the end.
-I exploded,- Karis moved her hands away from Marie and she finally looked up to meet her eyes,-Theoretically and literally. You see, i wanted to protect the kingdom so bad, i thought it was my life purpose and it was, the emotions accumulated and when ever i met the root of my problems i became so angry, all the corruption and emotions just overtook me and i released this sheer amount of energy, i think, on that night i released full power of censer, but it destroyed my body. Goddess got trapped into crystal and that's all i know. From other censers i learned that i locked her away. Yet with every new woman appearing, i knew that they just keep coming.
-So it is pointless in what we are doing?-Karis felt like her world came crashing down. All this main character feeling for nothing.
-Yes and no, gods cant be killed, they can only be crystalized, but there always have to be a balance. Gods have gone lazy, they dont want to fight their own fights and they expect us to kind of put her away to tip the balance back. I think its up to you what you will do.
-About that weapon, what can it do?- Karis brain started scheming. There is no way she is going to sacrifice herself for this world.
-It can kill lesser demons and gods with no reincarnation point. It can only be summoned by someone your mind trusts as it is meant to protect the heart.
-Before i go may i ask why you are grey, and not white?- they both stood up.
-Simple, i got corrupted. Its not necessarily bad, if you fight it, later on it can give a nice boost. But you have to go now, its not good for you to spend too much time in here.
-Before i forget, the brown Rabbit asked me to tell you they miss you,- for the first time Marie's sad expression turned somewhat soft and a bit joyful.
-Please, tell Hazelnut i miss him too, and Karis, if you can, please tell Ullmon, i am not angry and after all i did loved him,- Karis smiled and wanted to say something more, but Marie pushed her up causing her to fly up. Before she left she saw all 10 censers wave her back, and then she jolted back up.
Karis bumped the lid and Azeroth quickly free her and held her to stand up, her legs felt like jelly so she let him hold most of her weight. It felt like she overslept and now doesn't know what year or day it is, rubbing her eyes she took her time to stabilize.
-Karis are you ok?- Azeroth's eyes looked at her direction.- Did you managed to bring the censer out?
-I have been better, i feel like a jelly, i slept too much today apparently. For your question answer is yes and no,- Ullmon looked confused so did Azeroth, he lifted her up like she was weightless and got her to sit down on worn armchair.
-What happened?- he kneeled in front of her holding her hands. She looked at demon remembering Marie's story, he is the only one she trusts in this mess, but she doesn't want to die, yet she want him to see.
-My heart is locked,- Ullmon suddenly turned into fog and flied past into his host body, then with human speed walked up to them.
-What do you mean its locked?
-Um...you scare me,- she leaned back seeing his angry expression and Azeroth grimaced Ullmon to move away, to which he complied.
-The censers showed me how to summon, i can see it, i can see the cage, but i cant reach it, because there is this... invisible barrier, they said my heart is locked because i am not sincere enough,- she tried to explain as good as she understood, Ullmon grabbed her by shoulders.
-Become sincere, you need to open your heart!- he raised his voice and dig his nails in her shoulders. Fear made her freeze as silent sob escaped through her mouth, Azeroth without seeing all of this, went up Karis hands, feeling his brothers pressure he quickly yanked him away.
-Stop it, you are not helping, if she doesn't want to she doesn't,- Karis saw a chain light up on his wrist as he submitted to contract and Ullmon backed away looking at his brother enraged.
-Do what you want, but we will need a censer if we want to stop your mother.
-Actually,- Karis shifted in her chair a bit,- i talked with Marie, she said, that i am necessary, but it is gods fight, not mine really, that they gotten lazy. And i agree, not only because i don't want to sacrifice my life for this collapsing society, but because i quite enjoy my life, i cant kill a god so why try?- she shrugged and suddenly her tongue felt hot, like licking a battery. Both demons and their guardians tensed as bright light filled the room.
-My goddess,- they both bowed to her and Karis jumped up hiding behind Azeroth terrified that it might be plague goddess. Seeing somewhat normal humanoid looking goddess whose face changed she was too terrified to even think who she was.
-Greetings my subjects,- she spoken terrifying young human even more,- i saw a split in destiny and i wanted to investigate,- her eyes focused on Karis who started praying to all gods to not get disintegrated. Her mortal mind could barely grasp the idea that she is seeing a goddess.
-My goddess, we have encountered a dilemma, but we are on road to sort it out,- said Azeroth grabbing Karis hand behind his cape and squeezing ir reassuring.
Karis mind was blank as her body froze in fear seeing an actual god in front, everyone waited for her to talk, but she couldn't do it. In the presence of such a powerful being all her willpower disappeared and she forgot all the dilemmas she had. If she would have told Karis to sacrifice herself now, she would have done it.
Fate goddess felt the fear of mortal and spoken calmly with her voice sounding like millions of souls at the same time.
- Young girl, it is really unfortunate, that you have been bestowed such thing on such a young age. You don't need to tell me anything, i understand how human brain feels seeing higher being. Your soul is talking to me. Today you got a lot of information that you are still processing. Every censer is different and same at the same time, despite what you will chose, you will still need to use your power for good of one or another, you have time for now, but you need to work and reach your censer,-Karis nodded still fearing to raise her eyes. -Good girl, for now, i will make regular visits until the path will be chosen,-she glowed even brighter and disappeared leaving the ruins seemingly darker than before.
Ullmon looked at Karis still trying to comprehend what just happened. Shock that she went through helped her remember one thing.
-Marie...I met Marie, she said she misses Hazelnut and she said she is not angry at you Ullmon, and she said she did loved you,- Demon closed his eyes taking few deep breaths, and as he started speaking again it was shaking as he was barely holding in his emotions.
-Thank you, i wish i could talk with her. Now please. Go home and find a way to unlock your heart,- Azeroth saw his brothers pain and gushed woman into carriage.
-Thank you for your help, i hope we meet again,- said Karis looking behind her shoulder and she could swear hearing demon saying that he hopes they wouldn't.
In the mansion Azeroth didn't rush to kick her out. It was a beautiful night and he led her to a lake to watch some stars. Cold breeze continuously tickled her shoulders protected by his cape. Young woman's brain was buzzing from all the experiences. Nothing in world could have prepared her for this.
-Will you hate me if i cant pull out the censer?- she finally said after long silence. Her hands were softly stroking Ghost's fur which felt aerial and solid at the same time.
-No, I promised that i will not involve you into things you don't want to be involved,- she looked at demon which blindly started at the distance.
-I just don't get it, there can be more than 1 censer at a time if conditions is right, gods cant be killed unless they are minor gods so what is the point of all of this?- Azeroth didn't looked at her but his posture changed.
-What did you say?
-What you mean? You don't know that it is possible to kill lesser gods?
-i knew about unholy weapon and its properties, but no one told me it can cut gods.
-Lesser gods...Is...your mother a lesser god?- for the first time after this mess started he looked so hopeful, so happy, like all his worries has disappeared.
-She is! We can win this! KARIS we will not need to sacrifice you!- he shook her by shoulders and pulled her into a hug, Ghost jumped around like bunny in zoomies.
-Yes!- she chuckled.- lets plan this, and i will book holiday at work,- she chuckled shaking her head.
-What do you mean? Its not gonna be holiday,- he tilted his head.
-You demons can go in and out of your duties with no issues. I cant just disappear for certain amount of time and return all beat up without letting anyone know what i was doing. Human world doesn't work like that,- she chuckled and then sat in front of him.
-You see our world revolves about money and work. I cant do what ever i want, i have to do what ever my boss and company wants. I don't know what kind of fantasy stories you read, but all those teen heroines, they have nothing to loose, everything to gain, i am close to my 30ties, i need to settle down now, i cant do what they are doing, i am not petite and skinny, i like my fast food. My worries now are how to please my boss with my work ethic and get most amount of money possible out of them. My worries are that i cant find a partner to settle down with who would put a ring on my finger and marry me, because of my age men are either still partying, or are pure toxic alcoholics, which makes me really disappointed i have had my time with dating apps and none of them seem to respect women anymore. I also constantly worry about my grandma and my siblings, their health and future, and so many other worries that are not supernatural, they are human. This whole mess is my least problem because i cant just drop all of it and sacrifice myself. If you guys wanted person who had nothing to loose, you could have put a censer in abused orphan who had no where to go after her 18th birthday. It is simple as that, but don't get me wrong, i love this world, i love my family and friends, but i have responsibility i cant deny,- Karis herself got so surprised how her heart poured out and suddenly bright light has flashed as she felt something shift. The view of censer protected by cage mesmerized and this time, as Karis reached out for it, she managed to feel warm bars that has let her go past and take out little box, that was warm, slightly steaming and pulsed with energy. She held it a bit up placing Azeroth hand on it and whispered.
-Hey, do you want to see how beautiful the stars are tonight?- he gasped feeling bumps of intricate design of the censer box and smiled nodding. It was not the stars he wanted to see but her.