Review Detail of Itachi_Uchiha000 in The Immortal in Star Wars
Review detail
The protagonist's character development kinda suck. But the idea is hella good. But you need to fix on how the character should be at least ambitious than before.
The Immortal in Star Wars
DaoistRUH792
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You all are right and wrong at the same time. Ambition might be nesesery and might be not. Mc is truly immortal ,cannot be killer nor die willingly or not. Fear is also powerful motivation but if you cant die then why fear death? After thusands of years why would you care about mortals? You saw everything and everyone you loved turn into dust. You will start to keep them away to avoid pain of loss. And about empire building thing - Mc can create planets. In cannon star wars no being could posibly rival him. Conquest would be like destroying ant nest - you can do it but what is the point? They cant stop you doesnt matter how hard they tried. I think we should treat Mc less like active character but kind of stereotypical Monk , wise old man , maybe even god. He teach others becouse there is nothing more to learn nor do to. He dont longer think like human and should not be treated as one. And if he decides to help becouse someone ask him to its not weird for him do refuse ( if it is something easy for him , probably hard for everyone else). How would you react if bunch of ants ask you for some honey? It is nothing special for you and for them is something almost unachivable. You will help them not cuz you are nice but becouse ANT JUST TALKED TO YOU. Its something unusual and intresting . I think same thing goes for mc and his relations with other sentient beings ( exept force) . That's only my personal opinion pls dont burn me on stake pls
Why ambition? Because it makes life interesting, it makes a story interesting more importantly. No ambition in a story: Sit down... do nothing. Hooray, you are immortal and can see real life pass by.
DaoistRUH792:Why? He is immortal. Ambitions die out at the age he is at.
I mean, those with lesser willpower maybe? I certainly wouldn’t enjoy an immortal life. But this guy is the MC of a novel and has to have some sort of grand goal in life or it’ll be boring. I’m enjoying it now but in 20 chapters? 30? Without any kind of concrete goals and enemies to oppose them (even if they are weak and can’t realistically harm him) the story will fizzle out. Conflict, strife, growth, ambition, overcoming adversity are the backbone of every interesting story out there. Comedy and romance add flavor to a story. So far I haven’t really seen any of these things in the novel except him overcoming the downsides of immortality. Most of what is written so far are what I would deem as “prologue” and “side story #‘x’”. I’ve been a pretty avid reader all my life and I’ve never read a good story that doesn’t have most of what I’ve listed above. You should check out Odin the boundless and that guys other novel. They are very similar to your novel though I believe your novel is slightly better. He doesn’t have most of the things written above either and his novels are dry. Like reading a textbook.
DaoistRUH792:Why? He is immortal. Ambitions die out at the age he is at.
