Review Detail of Warmaisach in Spirit’s Awakening: The Path of Lightning and Water
Review detail
First chapter: A couple of cosmic beings dumping exposition on the reader about how amazing and strong the main character will be some day. Second chapter: Main character as a young boy just running around outside, dumping exposition on the reader. Third chapter: A family feast where the family dumps exposition on the reader about family background and politics. Fourth chapter: MC meets his uncle and flies away with his father, and about 30% or so of the chapter are just descriptions of how the surroundings and the uncle look. In short, more exposition. Fifth chapter: an absolutely enormous wall of text talking about what wind wolves do. We get our first little bit of action, and it's a controlled battle against the wolves while much more powerful people look on. The author's note is the funniest of everything, calling it a "serious battle". It took five chapters to come to anything even remotely interesting with a tiny hook. 6000+ words of exposition about a world no reader cares about yet. Additionally, while the writing style obviously shows a good grasp of english with a varied vocabulary, every single person talks just as "lyrically" and "verbose" as the narrator himself. Take any of the quotes and read them in a vacuum. I promise you, without clues like them naming themselves, you won't be able to guess who says who. The entire thing has the same tone, and you might as well have every character voiced by an AI. That about shows the same personality. All in all, while the grammar, flow, and vocabulary are decent, the novel itself is as stale and mundane as a schoolbook. Might as well read a dictionary. That gives about the same result. 2.2/5
Spirit’s Awakening: The Path of Lightning and Water
JPNovelFan
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Wow. That’s really harsh, but I understand. If it might help to explain, this is definitely my first novel, if that wasn’t already clear. I also think a complaint about me being verbose and having a lot of exposition trying to flesh out the world isn’t really a negative? You said you don’t care about the world yet and that’s completely fair. However, I do? I’m trying to describe the idea in my head of what the world is like so you can visualize it as well. The wind wolves was my conscious decision because I wanted to really flesh them out since I felt like the first enemies we saw should’ve been fleshed out more like any other novel. Personally I read a lot of litrpg stories and I feel like I’m taking inspiration from those and typical cultivation novel stories. I know I’m probably overwriting a lot of sections with my word choice, but I am definitely thinking about word count while writing. Webnovel has minimum words that must be in chapters (1500/day), so that does affect things a bit. I’m trying to make them more useful towards progression, but the story literally just started and I want things to be simple but also expand upon the world. Regarding everyone having the same tone, I’m definitely struggling with this as I’ve never had to write dialogue before. I promise I’m trying to get better and you’ll notice in the latest chapters I’m adding more and more dialogue to get better at it. I don’t think I have everything distinct yet but I’m working on it. I mean, having the same tone between me the narrator and the characters is tough to separate since I’m the one writing both. I apologize for it being same-y. I’ll try and do better. You did a great job of summarizing the chapters and they match my notes almost exactly, which is neat. I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with having a focus on each chapter as you go. Aren’t all books like this? Sure it’s simple and clear what happens, but I feel like other books do exactly the same? I’m not exactly sure what the complaint is other than I guess I’m not making them as action packed as you want? If you saw my writing notes, you’d see how I label my plot premises out for each chapter and outline them like “I want X to happen to Y.” Or “X does this thing here.” It’s possibly too simple for your taste and I apologize if so, but I also don’t know how else to write just yet. I just always want something to happen each chapter and that’s how I write. Anyways, thanks for taking the time to give your harsh criticism. I’m sorry you didn’t like it.
JPNovelFan:Wow. That’s really harsh, but I understand. If it might help to explain, this is definitely my first novel, if that wasn’t already clear. I also think a complaint about me being verbose and having a lot of exposition trying to flesh out the world isn’t really a negative? You said you don’t care about the world yet and that’s completely fair. However, I do? I’m trying to describe the idea in my head of what the world is like so you can visualize it as well. The wind wolves was my conscious decision because I wanted to really flesh them out since I felt like the first enemies we saw should’ve been fleshed out more like any other novel. Personally I read a lot of litrpg stories and I feel like I’m taking inspiration from those and typical cultivation novel stories. I know I’m probably overwriting a lot of sections with my word choice, but I am definitely thinking about word count while writing. Webnovel has minimum words that must be in chapters (1500/day), so that does affect things a bit. I’m trying to make them more useful towards progression, but the story literally just started and I want things to be simple but also expand upon the world. Regarding everyone having the same tone, I’m definitely struggling with this as I’ve never had to write dialogue before. I promise I’m trying to get better and you’ll notice in the latest chapters I’m adding more and more dialogue to get better at it. I don’t think I have everything distinct yet but I’m working on it. I mean, having the same tone between me the narrator and the characters is tough to separate since I’m the one writing both. I apologize for it being same-y. I’ll try and do better. You did a great job of summarizing the chapters and they match my notes almost exactly, which is neat. I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with having a focus on each chapter as you go. Aren’t all books like this? Sure it’s simple and clear what happens, but I feel like other books do exactly the same? I’m not exactly sure what the complaint is other than I guess I’m not making them as action packed as you want? If you saw my writing notes, you’d see how I label my plot premises out for each chapter and outline them like “I want X to happen to Y.” Or “X does this thing here.” It’s possibly too simple for your taste and I apologize if so, but I also don’t know how else to write just yet. I just always want something to happen each chapter and that’s how I write. Anyways, thanks for taking the time to give your harsh criticism. I’m sorry you didn’t like it.
Are you little tail of warma? How you know, Warma never look at it since he type a whole chapter here😂
MidnightWolfe:And u just have to write a wall of text warma probably didn't even look
MidnightWolfe:And u just have to write a wall of text warma probably didn't even look
I've read a few chapters and doesn't seem too bad like this warma describe it, apart from chapter 1. it looked way too grand for me, cringy almost. but the following chapters isn't half bad. grammar is good, so the only fault to me so far is the way over the top description in chapter 1. I just skimmed some chapters so my review isn't too valid but I'm definitely adding this to my list and would read it in the future unless it's author drop this
Its_Praveen:Are you little tail of warma? How you know, Warma never look at it since he type a whole chapter here😂
