Review Detail of John_Ryan_8278 in Blessed By A Goddess In My Depressing School Life: Volume 1

For this review, I’m going to start by listing the negatives 1. Almost every word has a capital letter and that can make it hard to read clearly and can kill the motivation to read a story, I’m not sure if it does so but apps like Grammarly can help quite a lot with quality control 2. The way the story reads isn't great as it ends up feeling like “ Mc did this and then he did this” This is mainly due to the fact that the entire story is the MC's thoughts You should try and strike a balance between a narration of the MC's actions ( like for example “ I moved towards the door, my heart pounding” sorta disconnected from his thoughts), His thoughts ( Just everything from the MC's perspective) and his actual thoughts ( Thoughts that would be read by a mind reader like “I need to do my school work or moms going to kill me”) Also, it feels like the descriptions are lacking but I am not sure where they just kind of feel jarring 3. The dialogue doesn't feel realistic like when the main characters say my good old pal (name) as if people talk like that Just try to think of how you talk to people and the casualness of it because you don't need to constantly remind your friends they are your friends by saying, pal This might have come about by you trying to make us understand the relationships between characters but it is fine to make things a little confusing at times so everything flows well because we would have seen that the Mc and his friends are friends just by seeing them hang out together rather than it needing to be stated 4. Make sure you understand the image your MC is giving off because it is likely different from how you imagine it For example, when reading there is a bully-type character mentioned and briefly shown but we never actually see anything that warrants that attitude towards him But with the MC we actively see him being rude, violent and just an all-round delinquent and and person when he damm near almost hit a girl who seems to have trying to be kind and hang out with the MC So when reading my image of the main character is worse than the image of the bully/jock and I'm not sure that is intentional Just double-check or get a proofreader to make sure you are coming across how you want to from here on 5. Show don't tell is a very important rule try and follow it like the gospel 6. The MC has to seem real so try and make the actions the MC makes realistic because I'm sure I don't need to tell you what appears to be an American girl using -San looks like or the MC wanting to shoot a rocket into a small classroom full of students as a prank as all it is, is a good way to go to jail or get shot and goes against common sense - there isn't much else to critique seeing as to how it just began but these issues can kill a story so try and be mindful of them and if you have any friends get them to proofread for you so you can have a second opinion on your work before you release it The issues with this story are mainly due to what seems to be a lack of experience and that will naturally disappear with time if you keep writing Also, this may seem overly negative but again I was just listing the negatives there are just as many positives don’t get me wrong For anyone reading this, I'd recommend the first view chapters to see if you vibe with the story