Review Detail of TSHurley in Lord of Business

Okay the story is good but you have writing errors. I'm in school majoring in creative writing and the one thing they taught me was to describe EVERYTHING. Describe what your character is feeling, don't just tell us. We have to feel what he's feeling, experiencing, we have see what he she's. This is a hard task it was hard for me at first too but trust me, try it. You should definitely go back to the beginning and start editing as well. There are some words and sentences that shouldn't be there. Take your time editing.