Review Detail of Chaddts in Out of Order 2

Although I feel like some of things you did say were kind of harsh and I don’t update constantly because I have other things in my life like school or work sometimes I come back really exhausted with little to no energy in fact the only reason I was able to update today was because I had the day off. There were times where I wanted to quit fanfics all together but it’s the only passion I have aside from drawing,anime, reading,shorts,and comics I can’t really help myself but to write even if its as bad as you

Sure my spelling and grammar is bad but I am trying to work on it not everyone or thing can be perfect like so many others I just happen to be one of those people that can’t get everything right.

As for me skipping things I will freely admit I did that without considering the consequences behind it.

Grammerly has a free add on. Microsoft Word is everywhere as well. If you lack time, just wait longer between publishing chapters. It gives you time to mull things over, to rework events. Like the multiform thing, why didn't you go back and write a chapter to add that in? You should have done that as soon as you decided to include that in the H.T.C chapter. Not doing so is lazy, plain and simple.

what about Brandon? I came here for a reincarnation story. NOT a story of a Kakarot version of Goku. I came here for a Brandon in goku's body story. What happened to that????

I have been using grammerly and it has been helping a little bit but not completely sometimes it autocorrects on its own. Yes you were right about me not going back in to write those scenes in at the time of writing I will also admit it was lazy of me at that time. When I truly have time I’ll go back and see what I can do.

I wanted to mix the two characters up into someone new that takes the identity of Kakarot while still retaining the things that made him Brandon. I guess I just haven’t been showing enough about him in general and mainly focused on the Kakarot aspect.

claim

That is NOT what a reincarnation story is. The person reincarnated needs ti be in control. You can give him memories if the body he inhabits, however those additional memories CANNOT alter the reincarnated persons personality. You can't merge 2 people and still have it be a reincarnation of a singular person, because that original person is effectually dead. Memories make the man, and altering them to the extent that it alters one's personality changes the core being of a person. That is killing them. The original person no longer exists and you have a new being.

You haven't shown ANYTHING of Brandon aside from future knowledge. Nothing about his past etc. We know nothing of Brandon. Who he was, his despair, or excitement at being in dbz. We get nothing. Not even him kicking yajorobi off the lookout permanently for eating the beans... if it was me I'd cut his legs off. To stop him from ever going back to korins tower. I can't lmagine many dbz fans being in that situation doing NOTHING to remedy that situation when stuck in that world.

My story was also heavily inspired by Jordino’s To Go Even Further Beyond Story in fact the first three chapters are based from his story of course I did get permission from him so long as I give credit which I did. If you are looking for those exact things that I suggest checking it out since mine isn’t how you would like it to be. The plot is good Writing is also good Along with perfect explanations on Techniques and Transformations Plus Bulma is a love interest

I see well than I’ll try to fix that show off more of his past maybe even go back into previous chapters to show off more about the characters past,likes,dislikes,passions

Tomorrow first thing I am doing is going back in and fix the things that I did wrong in lcluding grammar after that I’ll re write some of the chapters to make it seem like its not a mix of the two characters hopefully by than it’s not so messed up.

You may wanna just do a rewrite and take thus as a learning experience. For instance the entire panic attack chapter was actually pretty good. But if you had remembered Brandon was a part of the trio of memories the entire chapter wouldn't have happened at all. Brandon's influence would squash both personalities i.m.o kakarots personality if far too young, and goku's while at odds with kakarots would hold nothing against the sheer knowledge and life experience Brandon's memories add to the mix. Brandon would be the dominant personality by far, especially since he is the reason the puppet came to life. Goku, and Kakarot are simply memories. Brandon is soul and memories. Everything should be written with this in mind. A human mindset. Human desires. He would never think of himself as Goku or kakarot. I can understand him going by the name of kakarot though to hide his future knowledge.

So, I went back today just now I re-edited and corrected a couple of things like the grammar as best as I could, a mini flashback scene with Gohan learning to do the Kamehameha wave, explanations that were never explained, and additional thoughts regarding the Brandon personality being dominate with thoughts of wanting to go home and missing his family/best friends.

Wanting to go home? Most men would only want to go.home if they had someone that depends on them. Like a child or a wife. Family itself is hardly a reason to want to go back by itself. Would you want to return? If so why? You wouldn't have your original body when you went back, and for all anyone knows the laws of physics wouldn't allow the body he has to exist in our home dimension. It's an incredibly huge risk to just see those he may miss emotionally. Duty to take care of your child is understandable. But most men wouldn't even take that risk for their newlywed wife. They can just move on without you, a child or dependent cannot do that. Showing who is in control in this fashion isn't the best. You could do so by showing his human intellect, like learning magic to shore up weaknesses. Using his future knowledge yo.really shale things up by wishing grand Supreme Kai free of majin buu, while he is still sealed. Grand Supreme Kai never died so he is still in fat buu. If he died he could assist the Supreme Kai, which he never makes an appearance. Imagine the training and help you could get with the grand Supreme Kai coming back!. Missing people from his past is fine. But not making the best of what is infront of him makes him short sighted. But great job filling out the chapters. It's a start and every bit counts. You can always pm me if you need to bounce ideas off a sounding board.

I just read the mental break chapter again. You have an entire paragraph with only 1 period. No other punctuation at all. There is no chance you are actually using grammerly. Ontop of that, he calls kakarots parents "his" when he knows full well they are not. All this mental stuff should be nothing but an annoyance to the m.c (Brandon) you need to edit out any reference where Brandon conflates Kakarot or Goku's past with his identity. He isn't a person with split personality. He is Brandon in goku's body with all the memories. If Brandon appeared there in his own body would he still act like such rude prideful sayain? I don't think so. So why does his personality shift so much with just a few additional sayain memories? Kakorot was only 3 when he hit his head loosing his identity. 3!! Much of that was spent in the incubation pod sleeping. There is not enough there to cause issues. I could see Brandon having empathy for kakarot, but that's it. Goku was how old when the clone was made? 14? 16? Something like that right? Take away 3 years and he is at MAX 13 years worth of memories on goku's side. If anything he would be far MORE friendly and less shy than his human counterpart, if the memories effect him as you have been doing so far. The personality drama makes little sense, with the setup you have put in place.

I see so what your basically saying is that he shouldn’t be thinking of Goku or Kakarots memories as his own otherwise Brandon wouldn’t be well…Brandon instead he should be more dormit suppressing those memories which also gives me an idea for a future chapter to sort this chaotic problem. Also I am using Grammerly the free version I went back in surfing through the parts marked in red if I some how missed any other grammer mistakes than if you could point it out I’ll fix it right away. I don’t know why you think otherwise that I am not using grammerly if you want I can send a screen shot of my pc using the suggestions given by grammerly.

I’ll try to keep this in mind as I progress on the fic thx for your tips I appreciate it.