Review Detail of Aeipathy_02 in ennen

Hmm. A system story with an interesting concept. Also, love the title, reminds me of those Jp really long titles. Review Proper Writing Quality. Pros The narratives and descriptives were easy to read and one could follow well when reading. Need to be fix suggestion: There are g-errors and tense shifts. Hmm. to help you with this, I suggest that you could use Grammarly or Google docs words for basic helping in this. Also, you could also the Hemmingway or Quillbot to make your grammar structure more profound. (Hope this helps.) Stability of Updates. Stable so far. Story Development. The flow is not too fast or slow. From the earthquake to the destruction of the world, then to mc that got his system, I think everything is flowing so far and development in each chapter is getting more interesting as you went on. Character Design. Pros: Hmm. The Mc is likable and his system is a perfect blend for him. The other characters too have their own well-made personas that make them distinguishable from others. Need to fix suggestion: Hmm. Sometimes I felt some scenes with an unrealistic inner monologue and dialogues that are mostly telling rather than showing. For example A scene in chapter 9 Original: As he finishes talking he closes his eyes for a moment. He opened his eyes and his resolve become firm. "My brother's experiment was a failure, but I will not fail my daughter!" (Hadem) Edit Suggestion with adding more action tags with the dialogues to avoid show not tell: As he finishes talking he closes his eyes for a moment. "My brother's experiment was a failure but..." He pauses as he opens his eyes. "I will not fail my daughter!" Hadem's resolve become firm. (Well this is just a suggestion, it's still up to you 😅 you could also read this 'How to Write Natural Dialogue in 11 Steps! ' article from reedsy. All their blogs help me always with my writing.) World Background. It seems there is a lot to look forward too, since there are other planets as well which is what makes the story really intriguing. Overall the story is well-paced. As someone who also enjoys system novels, I could say that this story has potential and could be fleshed up more. I'll keep this in my colls and look forward to more. All the best to the author!