The first chapter ends with a bang. The character development in each chapter looks promising indeed, along with the general direction of the plot. I can give one valid criticism that you tend to head hop between multiple characters in a single chapter. It's better to stay on one POV and watch it develop from there. It gives the reader a more sense of intrigue about what goes on in the other character's mind. As if now, you tend to tell all the characters' inner thoughts, leaving readers with less room to manoeuvre around with their imagination. Apply for the "Show, don't tell" tactics. Best of luck with the new chapters.
YawningBrain
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