Review Detail of WhiteDevil in The Author's POV
Review detail
Update pace seems quite consistent. Writing quality is okay, good grammar. Info dumps feel random and stuff gets repeated. There's little foreshadowing and some stuff feels like they just spontaneously got added on. There's a bit of inconsistency on what MC says and does. But I guess dat could boil down to the unreliable narrator conundrum as the story is being told from a first person perspective. MC can't seem to make up his mind on what he really wants. MC wants to preserve the story but at the same time goes around screwing with the story. He wants to be a mob character and not attract any attention but at the same time wants to be at the same power as the story's MC. World Background is meh, seems typical nothing out of the ordinary. One of the things that really irked me was how it was mentioned that orcs, elves and dwarves are refugees, and yet once they come to dis world they just become observers and don't join strength with humans to fight off demons. Even though they witnessed first hand da ferociousness of the demons as their world got conquered by them. Why? Well some reasons were given from each race dat I found very irrational but the most prominent was the dwarves reasons. It's said because dwarves were disgusted seeing humans' technology level dey distanced themselves from the humans. But here's where it breaks down, all three foreign races are allied with each other. The dwarves who were so disgusted by the technology level of humans seem to have no qualms with allying with the orcs. Well this world is really the MC's world and it was mentioned several times how bad of an author he is. But dis is still the background of the world and it's quite irking as it makes little sense
The Author's POV
Entrail_JI
Liked by 93 people
LIKEReplies27
Alright, I am back 2.0 This time, I am no longer butthurt. Thank you for your review. Yea, your points make sense. I am going to take some time either next week or next month depending on how busy I am to rewrite the whole of the first 40 chapters which are full of holes, info dumps, contradictions. The very first 40 chapters or so make it very obvious that I am new at this. I definitely have improved a lot since than, but yeah, I think that the very first 40 chapters have a lot of irregularities that may ruin the story for some people. Its sort of like a novel where you just have to shut your brain off to understand. If you overthink too much, yea, it becomes painfully obvious how many flaws there are. Once again thank you for the review P.S. also, sorry for before again. I am not usually like that, was just in a bad mood and took it out on you. Realized my mistake later that's why I apologized. Was very ashamed of my behavior. Still am.
Entrail_JI:Alright, I am back 2.0 This time, I am no longer butthurt. Thank you for your review. Yea, your points make sense. I am going to take some time either next week or next month depending on how busy I am to rewrite the whole of the first 40 chapters which are full of holes, info dumps, contradictions. The very first 40 chapters or so make it very obvious that I am new at this. I definitely have improved a lot since than, but yeah, I think that the very first 40 chapters have a lot of irregularities that may ruin the story for some people. Its sort of like a novel where you just have to shut your brain off to understand. If you overthink too much, yea, it becomes painfully obvious how many flaws there are. Once again thank you for the review P.S. also, sorry for before again. I am not usually like that, was just in a bad mood and took it out on you. Realized my mistake later that's why I apologized. Was very ashamed of my behavior. Still am.
you know that you giving him book that telling about world mc is bad because with this your mc will obsessed to make story go to how he created it, although it's only about 10 minutes but then he can alter it that can alterations became reality although it have some limitations, but in the end it's making your mc more obsessed to make his story stay at how he created them
Entrail_JI:Alright, I am back 2.0 This time, I am no longer butthurt. Thank you for your review. Yea, your points make sense. I am going to take some time either next week or next month depending on how busy I am to rewrite the whole of the first 40 chapters which are full of holes, info dumps, contradictions. The very first 40 chapters or so make it very obvious that I am new at this. I definitely have improved a lot since than, but yeah, I think that the very first 40 chapters have a lot of irregularities that may ruin the story for some people. Its sort of like a novel where you just have to shut your brain off to understand. If you overthink too much, yea, it becomes painfully obvious how many flaws there are. Once again thank you for the review P.S. also, sorry for before again. I am not usually like that, was just in a bad mood and took it out on you. Realized my mistake later that's why I apologized. Was very ashamed of my behavior. Still am.
Fair point, but what's wrong with him wanting the plotline to remain the same. MC personality is that of someone who likes to have control of everything. If something changes that doesn't fit his ideal he will change it so that it will fit his ideal That's the type of character he is. It's more about his personality. Plus if the plotline changes so will the book.
Yuuki123:you know that you giving him book that telling about world mc is bad because with this your mc will obsessed to make story go to how he created it, although it's only about 10 minutes but then he can alter it that can alterations became reality although it have some limitations, but in the end it's making your mc more obsessed to make his story stay at how he created them
if I not wrong he didn't know the ending right? so with him being so fixated to plot line is weird. and generally I didn't like how he behave he thinks something but do another thing that contradicting.
Entrail_JI:Fair point, but what's wrong with him wanting the plotline to remain the same. MC personality is that of someone who likes to have control of everything. If something changes that doesn't fit his ideal he will change it so that it will fit his ideal That's the type of character he is. It's more about his personality. Plus if the plotline changes so will the book.
It's precisely because he doesn't know the ending that he is trying to keep the plotline intact. If he changes it, what if the demon lord that will attack in 5 yearssuddenly attacks in 2? And what if his method of attacking is different from the storyline? That would mean certified death If he doesn't interfere he at least knows exactly when he attacks and how. this way he can come up with countermeasures. Also regarding the contradicting stuff, I think you are probably referring to when he is using the skill [Monarch indifference] right? If so, then yes it is contradicting his logic because, under that skill, his usually state of mind doesn't exist. He thinks differently. If it's not what you mean, than please point it out and I'll try my best to either explain it or fix it. This is my train of thought, feel free to disagree. Everyone has different opinions after all
Yuuki123:if I not wrong he didn't know the ending right? so with him being so fixated to plot line is weird. and generally I didn't like how he behave he thinks something but do another thing that contradicting.
Entrail_JI:Alright, I am back 2.0 This time, I am no longer butthurt. Thank you for your review. Yea, your points make sense. I am going to take some time either next week or next month depending on how busy I am to rewrite the whole of the first 40 chapters which are full of holes, info dumps, contradictions. The very first 40 chapters or so make it very obvious that I am new at this. I definitely have improved a lot since than, but yeah, I think that the very first 40 chapters have a lot of irregularities that may ruin the story for some people. Its sort of like a novel where you just have to shut your brain off to understand. If you overthink too much, yea, it becomes painfully obvious how many flaws there are. Once again thank you for the review P.S. also, sorry for before again. I am not usually like that, was just in a bad mood and took it out on you. Realized my mistake later that's why I apologized. Was very ashamed of my behavior. Still am.
I only rewrote 10 chaps, and I've not uploaded them yet because they don't connect to the rest of the chaps. so 10/40 It might take a month to completely rewrite since im busy updating 2 chaps a day too and have university to attend. ...if you can wait that long, ill try my best to improve the quality within a month time so that it becomes more enjoyable
Aeser:Have you rewrite it ready? cause I'm planning on waiting for you to do it first
Entrail_JI:I only rewrote 10 chaps, and I've not uploaded them yet because they don't connect to the rest of the chaps. so 10/40 It might take a month to completely rewrite since im busy updating 2 chaps a day too and have university to attend. ...if you can wait that long, ill try my best to improve the quality within a month time so that it becomes more enjoyable
Entrail_JI:I only rewrote 10 chaps, and I've not uploaded them yet because they don't connect to the rest of the chaps. so 10/40 It might take a month to completely rewrite since im busy updating 2 chaps a day too and have university to attend. ...if you can wait that long, ill try my best to improve the quality within a month time so that it becomes more enjoyable
still 10 lol. I'm way too busy writing. I'm not sure when I'll finish. If you want you can try now, but there are some parts that are hard to read. It's not terrible, but it can be better .
Kokushibou:Sooo, how much is done?
I get why some people want the first 40 chapters to be rewritten, but honestly I don't mind even if you don't rewrite them. Although there are quite a few info dumps here and there. It did not bother me that much and it actually helped me understand things better. After a bid of info dumping, you would always make sure to get back to the main point and I like that. What I also really like is that I can see your writing improving by leaps and bounds and you growing as an author. So, don't be too hard on yourself. If you want to rewrite the chapters then take your time doing so. There is no need to rush and make sure not to overwork youself. So, take a break every now and then. I just want to say how much I love and appreciate your work. Even though it always hurts to wait for the next chapter every day. It's worth the wait and the pain. Thank you for your hard work author!
Entrail_JI:still 10 lol. I'm way too busy writing. I'm not sure when I'll finish. If you want you can try now, but there are some parts that are hard to read. It's not terrible, but it can be better .
Yuuki123:you know that you giving him book that telling about world mc is bad because with this your mc will obsessed to make story go to how he created it, although it's only about 10 minutes but then he can alter it that can alterations became reality although it have some limitations, but in the end it's making your mc more obsessed to make his story stay at how he created them
Entrail_JI:still 10 lol. I'm way too busy writing. I'm not sure when I'll finish. If you want you can try now, but there are some parts that are hard to read. It's not terrible, but it can be better .
Entrail_JI:Fair point, but what's wrong with him wanting the plotline to remain the same. MC personality is that of someone who likes to have control of everything. If something changes that doesn't fit his ideal he will change it so that it will fit his ideal That's the type of character he is. It's more about his personality. Plus if the plotline changes so will the book.
I'll wait. Please keep posting the progress. You have to understand the importance of first-impression. If you keep adding floors with a shaky foundation then it'll crumble sooner or later. Sincerely!
Entrail_JI:still 10 lol. I'm way too busy writing. I'm not sure when I'll finish. If you want you can try now, but there are some parts that are hard to read. It's not terrible, but it can be better .