Review Detail of JohnDoer in Hemmingston

Well, it's just one chapter, so I can't say much. One things is for sure - I like how you wrote the dialogues - they skillfully and lively portray the characters. But, i was confused a little - firstly, i thought that it was happening in amusement park, and only later get that it was a high school. Maybe you should define it early on that they are in a school hallway, and not any other. Plus, it was hard to imagine how Ada and Hail looked like and how old they are. For example, in my country we call highschoolers everybody from 7th class to 11th, 5 years. Overall, it is a good beginning! I hope it will be something like "My house of horrors" which i like! Just keep it up!