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JohnDoer

JohnDoer

Lv5

Immortal

2018-02-19 JoinedKenya
16.7h

of reading

141

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6

Moments

82
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Posted

    Interesting concept. Captivating story, with a nice pacing and flow. The writing is so good, that you want to continue reading more and more! Good job! Just don’t stop and keep writing better and better!

    altalt
    The Isle of Guardians
    Fantasy · d_nmalory
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Posted

    Such an interesting story. The characters are alive and behaving realistically. Interesting concept. Nice worlbuilding. I just started but it seems pretty interesting. I will read more, so please don’t stop. Keep it up!

    altalt
    The Beasts of Men
    Fantasy · A_lucid_Dreamer
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Posted

    The beginning is interesting and intriguing, making you want more. The story is interesting and it flows steadily and naturally. Nice pacingGood Work author! Keep it up!

    altalt
    I Fell For Him Accidently
    Urban · Crown_of_Flame
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Posted

    When i started to read chapter 1 I was skeptical about this background info, when i came to the end of chapter it all made a perfect sense. The quality of writing and the style are on the high level. The only things that bother me is, I don't really like a story from first person POV and I kinda think that mc's fvery first skill maybe too OP. Overall, it's a good and interesting read. Waiting to see its future!

    altalt
    Re: Monster King
    Fantasy · UNK
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Posted

    Well, it's just one chapter, so I can't say much. One things is for sure - I like how you wrote the dialogues - they skillfully and lively portray the characters. But, i was confused a little - firstly, i thought that it was happening in amusement park, and only later get that it was a high school. Maybe you should define it early on that they are in a school hallway, and not any other. Plus, it was hard to imagine how Ada and Hail looked like and how old they are. For example, in my country we call highschoolers everybody from 7th class to 11th, 5 years. Overall, it is a good beginning! I hope it will be something like "My house of horrors" which i like! Just keep it up!

    altalt
    Hemmingston
    Teen · Nakasuka
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Posted

    Well, it is an interesting novel. Writing is simple and easy to read. I like the humour. But, i would prefer to add more descriptive sentences too - some chapters are like full dialogues, without anything else, even something like he said, it said, which sometimes confuses. It makes the reading easier, but poorer, thin. Overall, it's a good read, with a potential. Good job! Keep it up!

    altalt
    Evolution to GOD
    Urban · REaper
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Commented

    confused. is the story told from first person view or third?

    Ch 3 Where are my Beauties
    altalt
    Evolution to GOD
    Urban · REaper
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Posted

    Well. The idea is wonderful and so huge, original. I mean, it can be developed into something very interesting. Is this Earth our Earth? Will all the people acquire a game system cause of this new god? It's just the grammar that confuses the reader. Also, i see you have the same problem with overusing the word "then" just like me. I would suugest you to delete the unnecessary ones as I always do when final editing. This word, it just slows down the pace. Overall. Interesting work with a potential to become something big! Just keep it up!

    altalt
    Exiled
    Fantasy · KenShimizu
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Commented

    What???? How voice can be Tiny???

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Bloodline System
    Fantasy · TimVic
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Replied to Dante_Faith

    stupid name for an mc

    -Name: Gustav Oslov
    altalt
    The Bloodline System
    Fantasy · TimVic
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Replied to DepressiveDaoist

    well the items in the shop maybe immaterial things or even services. we dont know for now

    [Host Attributes] [Skills and Abilities] [Bloodlines] [Quests] [Shop]
    altalt
    The Bloodline System
    Fantasy · TimVic
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Replied to SSBzero

    nope. it is called lore breaking!

    Ch 2 Unknown Man
    altalt
    The Bloodline System
    Fantasy · TimVic
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Commented

    disrespect for seppuku ritual....

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Bloodline System
    Fantasy · TimVic
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Commented

    What? I thought this was the end. Isn't every novel end in a first chapter? How come? This is just too much. it is soo wrong!

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Bloodline System
    Fantasy · TimVic
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Commented

    is he a ranger or mage? why would he need casting spells. would be logical to level up strength and stamina to use bows

    He spent his free attribute point on dexterity without hesitation. A Ranger's main attributes were dexterity and intelligence. Dexterity made them more agile and skillful while intelligence let them cast spells. Dexterity was more important than intelligence in Marvin's advancement path.
    altalt
    Night Ranger
    Games · Dark Blue Coconut Milk
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Commented

    level 1 and 96 skill points? isnt it too much?

    When he successfully became a Ranger, his HP increased by 11 points, he received a free attribute point, and he started with 96 skill points. His character window also changed:
    altalt
    Night Ranger
    Games · Dark Blue Coconut Milk
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Commented

    no need to be "knowledgeable" to choose this one. even complete idiot would choose it.

    The three badges each increased a skill effect, and between these three skills, the knowledgeable Marvin made his choice very quickly.
    altalt
    Night Ranger
    Games · Dark Blue Coconut Milk
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Commented

    too obvious advantage of this option. who would choose 3 or 5 instead of 9???

    [Sika Deer]: Hide +9
    altalt
    Night Ranger
    Games · Dark Blue Coconut Milk
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Commented

    why not use 1 gold for 100 silvers or something like that?

    He hid the pouch well. This world’s silvers were in fact the size of a pinkie fingernail. Even though 150 sounded like a lot, it could fit in a small pouch.
    altalt
    Night Ranger
    Games · Dark Blue Coconut Milk
    detail
  • JohnDoer
    JohnDoer2yr
    Replied to The_cone

    ...

    ...
    altalt
    Night Ranger
    Games · Dark Blue Coconut Milk
    detail