Review Detail of stoneclauss in MarKed
Review detail
I mean as complete and total constructive criticism, not a hate review. So with that in mind I will get into my points. I have read the first handful chapters and there is a lack of world building. These first few chapters throw a lot of terms which get no explanation, such as "an elite", or one of the very first terms used in the prologue . There is no explanation to the its almost power system. Just that certain magical affinities are rare. Places and names that should have significance aren't totally explained, or delved in to. In my experience, I have seen this type of issue avoided through stories that revolve around an mc from child hood, which describes the journey of learning they went through and depicts all majorly important details. Or by doing information chapters ( some authors do this as looking into a diary or notes page) that summarises everything. Or you could go into detail every time a new term is used, by taking it as a recount or an assessment. E.g. "Elites, a title given to those who... they hold such an such amount of importance and wealth..." ect. another issue is the forced development between kate. The way you are describing them in these first few chapters, the blushing the character actions ect makes them seem like they have a history. Like they have already built a connection, not people who up until recently were strangers. No matter how attractive you think someone is, you wouldnt act like you're in a one sided relationship after knowing them for a few hours. E.g. you wouldn't give a lap pillow to someone you just met, and proceed to stroke their hair as they sleep. I hope this didnt offend you, I was just pointing out my own issues with story, and I hope this helps in the future
MarKed
Mepo
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Hmm, well I don't know exactly how far you've read, but for your first point, I've written chapters that go more into depth into some of the terms and places you mentioned. Though the reason I usually don't explain things up front most of the time is because I'd like the narration to remain purely from Benji's point of view meaning he wouldn’t think too hard about something that is common knowledge unless prompted. So in places like the prologue or casual conversation, I don’t see where I can insert this exposition, but I do use some of the examples you’ve listed in later chapters. As for affinities, I can't exactly spell out which are and aren’t rare which is why I use Benji's reactions to each one to hint at which are common. That’s why no other time a common affinity is used does Benji react. Now for the blushing, I think you're referring to the Well Rest chapter, and as far as I can tell all the blushing there is from embarrassment. Now the lap pillow. Yes as far as what I've shown at the point in the story you're referring too they've known each other for 2 days. Benji had just finished a fight and is still recovering from healing, and stressing about his friend that's why Kate gave him the lap pillow. To Kate, something like this isn't that big a deal. Like how some people will hug strangers even though something like that can be seen as too familiar to others. Now the stroking hair thing well I can't really explain it entirely because it goes into some backstory, but it's sort of similar to doing something that'd calm you down to someone else to calm them down. I will mention though some situations are warped slightly from being from Benji's point of view. I do appreciate this review, however, there are some problems you mentioned that I thought might crop up. Such as it taking a bit longer than I’d like to explain the fundamentals. Your pointers and criticisms are appreciated, and I thank you for the honest review