Review Detail of Sugarrushdragon_69 in The Great Demon System

I'm not a professional writer and most of the points in the review are just my opinions. However, I hope you at least enjoy reading this piece of criticism :) This book is not a masterpiece and is definitely not for everyone (high amounts of blood, gore, brutality and levels of horniness that can rival a smutty romance novel). However, if this book is for you, it will be one of the most entertaining things you'll ever read. Thank god I'm one of those people :) I love this book, I've spent hours just binging chapter after chapter seeing what kind of twisted screwed up things the Drip will throw out next. Nearly every character in this book has the moral compass of a Fridge magnet and I'm all for it! The torture scenes get so bizarre and unnecessarily brutal that It completely surprises you and you're just like 'JEEZE LUISE THIS IS DISGUSTING! ... I want more.' As you read further through the book you'll find yourself becoming attached to the main characters as they grow and move forward, creating a path of blood, guts and destruction in their wake. You'll also find the story getting better and more engaging as Drip grows and improves (More twists, more mysteries!). It really is a treat to see the book progress alongside the author's skill. Despite all the praise I'm singing, there are still some problems with the book, especially during the beginning. Though Drip does address this, so I'll just address the problems that stick out to me most. But please do not let these deter you from reading the book. My first nitpick is that the characters all speak like dictionaries, full formal sentences and often describing exactly what they're feeling at the time alongside a psychoanalysis of their current mental state. It gets a bit jarring when all of a sudden a character is describing their entire backstory to the main character who they've probably only known for a few days. It also feels strange for characters, especially those from lower-class backgrounds (like our main character), to speak like an essay document with a lack of abbreviation or accent (e.g using ya instead of you and etc). The best way (in my opinion) to make the characters feel more natural would be to try and use more lingo or try and shorten sentences. Another way would be, rather than the characters explaining how they feel, to use more body language and leave aspects of that character more ambiguous, revealing their backstory and true feelings slowly over time, rather than just in a single stream of dialogue. Another problem I have is that the villains are all nearly the same. At first, they'll be different in terms of personality but then, as if a switch is flipped, they all resort to this 'how dare you be better than I expected you to be, you die now!' personality. It's getting slightly better, especially later in the story and this is just a petty little nitpick anyway, so don't take this one too seriously. However, it wouldn't hurt to have a more calm and morally grey villain rather than big, loud and evil. The last nitpick I have with this book is that it is more tell than show. It has an unhealthy habit of halting the story momentarily to tell and explain to the reader about this new aspect of the story or how a character is feeling. There's nothing wrong with that, however when you sidetrack from the story to explain how the life of a character who will literally die in a few moments (dedicating a chapter to their torture and death), that is when it becomes a slight problem. Sometimes it's best to just leave some things out or try and show information through actions rather than words (I've already touched upon this when talking about making characters feel more natural). For example, if a character is a womanizer just show them trying to hit on a girl, only to be pushed away which leads them to chase after that girl relentlessly. Sometimes you can convey just as much information within a few actions as telling the reader directly. In conclusion, The Great Demon System has some problems in terms of writing and characters. But all these are simple problems that most writers have and only shows how much potential Drip has to grow. I honestly love this book due to how entertaining it is to read, mainly due to how dark and controversial it can get and in the most recent chapters, I have been hooked with the story. I hope this review wasn't too long and sorry if it seems like I'm trying to put down Drip or change the story. I was just trying to highlight areas the author can improve on. Honestly, I don't care even if the story doesn't change in any way. I'm just having a great time reading the story and am happy as long as Drip enjoys writing their story how they want to.