Review Detail of Dominion_Sage in The Upgrade system
Review detail
Hello, Author here, This is my first time writing a novel so I hope you like it. I know that there are a lot of improvements that I can make so I would appreciate it if you could write down what I can do to improve the story and give suggestions for the story.
The Upgrade system
Dominion_Sage
Liked by 22 people
LIKEReplies15
So the thing is, Dan doesn't know that Lily still likes him. He still believes that Lily doesn't like him and Lily doesn't know that Dan's status is a lot higher now compared to when she was forced to leave him. Basically, this is playing out because they don't have enough understanding about the other party.
LegendDairy:I am really confused. You wrote it that the MC's ex-girlfriend, Lily, broke up with him because she was forced to be all the way up to the most recent chapter, he still resents her while secretly loving her and even after he has status, they don't ever try to clear the air of the misunderstanding. And Lily or anyone else could have told him why she broke up with him. You wrote it at the beginning that she was forced to break up but still loves him but then the entire story there is some weird resentment that makes Lily seem like the bad guy when she was just forced to break up with him. I started this novel thinking that they would get back together and he would save her from her Fiancé that she is being forced to marry but the MC doesn't do any of that. It really makes no sense. Could you please explain to me what is happening. Because it just paints her as the bad guy when she isn't and it does all this while randomly throwing in scenes where both Lily and Dan have internal monologues of them missing each other but they could easily get back together since Dan has status now so her family would accept him and Lily and her family and anyone else that knows them could just explain what happened and how they were forcing her to marry another rich guy.
ur story dosnt make sense as it starts in the middle of now where, MC is retarded cause he helps the shallow chick that broke up with him and was responsible for him getting beat up, and he has a retarded philosophy of not killing people [retarded cause of what he is....overall I expected something DOPE but damn is this garbage
I don't understand what you are talking about. The MC never helped his Ex-girlfriend, I mean he hasn't even met her since the first chapter. I also don't understand what you are talking about with his philosophy of not killing people. I know he hasn't done anything to the people who hurt him but that was because he wasn't powerful enough to do so and after that, he hasn't made another enemy so far in the story. I don't know if your understanding of the story is different than the way I wrote it but I would appreciate it if you could clarify what you mean. Also, Could you clarify what you mean by saying, "it starts in the middle of now where" I don't understand that sentence. I always like constructive criticism to improve myself so explaining what you mean would be very helpful to me so I could maybe change my way of writing in the future.
amaturewriter:ur story dosnt make sense as it starts in the middle of now where, MC is retarded cause he helps the shallow chick that broke up with him and was responsible for him getting beat up, and he has a retarded philosophy of not killing people [retarded cause of what he is....overall I expected something DOPE but damn is this garbage
so alice isnt the lover, also starting in the middle I meant, like MC just gets dumped and jumped and u know its just glossed over
Dominion_Sage:I don't understand what you are talking about. The MC never helped his Ex-girlfriend, I mean he hasn't even met her since the first chapter. I also don't understand what you are talking about with his philosophy of not killing people. I know he hasn't done anything to the people who hurt him but that was because he wasn't powerful enough to do so and after that, he hasn't made another enemy so far in the story. I don't know if your understanding of the story is different than the way I wrote it but I would appreciate it if you could clarify what you mean. Also, Could you clarify what you mean by saying, "it starts in the middle of now where" I don't understand that sentence. I always like constructive criticism to improve myself so explaining what you mean would be very helpful to me so I could maybe change my way of writing in the future.
Is top at chapter 29 cause i wait for your answer (its good story i love it it's just *sigh* she need some justice I don't wanna hate her) 😇 🙏
SEISHOKU_SHA108:Question:his girlfriend they been 6 years (i think) ad she dumped him out of nowhere plss explain why he did does she is not a slut because she is rich right 🤔 PS:I SHIP THEM SHE IS RICH AND FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM EVEN THOUGH HE IS POOR AND SHE STAYED WITH HIM IN 6 YEARS (6 Y E A R S)😶
I think its because her fiancé threatening her to kill mc if they are not breaking up and her family doesn’t agree with her with mc and stuff like that, i hope they can reconcile again in the future lol
SEISHOKU_SHA108:Question:his girlfriend they been 6 years (i think) ad she dumped him out of nowhere plss explain why he did does she is not a slut because she is rich right 🤔 PS:I SHIP THEM SHE IS RICH AND FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM EVEN THOUGH HE IS POOR AND SHE STAYED WITH HIM IN 6 YEARS (6 Y E A R S)😶
I read the first few chapters as this book was recommended by a friend. the only advice I can give is try to get the reader to be more in the main characters head and offer more details. once this book gets over 200 chapters I will read again. a book I would recommend reading as an example of descriptors would be "a worlock in a magus world," I do not know if I spelled that right.
I am really confused. You wrote it that the MC's ex-girlfriend, Lily, broke up with him because she was forced to be all the way up to the most recent chapter, he still resents her while secretly loving her and even after he has status, they don't ever try to clear the air of the misunderstanding. And Lily or anyone else could have told him why she broke up with him. You wrote it at the beginning that she was forced to break up but still loves him but then the entire story there is some weird resentment that makes Lily seem like the bad guy when she was just forced to break up with him. I started this novel thinking that they would get back together and he would save her from her Fiancé that she is being forced to marry but the MC doesn't do any of that. It really makes no sense. Could you please explain to me what is happening. Because it just paints her as the bad guy when she isn't and it does all this while randomly throwing in scenes where both Lily and Dan have internal monologues of them missing each other but they could easily get back together since Dan has status now so her family would accept him and Lily and her family and anyone else that knows them could just explain what happened and how they were forcing her to marry another rich guy.
