Review Detail of mrmrcia in [Hiatus] Empires Order

I am the first one to review this, so I didn't really want to leave a score that isn't perfect. However, I wanted to be honest in my review. Pardon me for this. It's because of you that I'm afraid of damn beetles. Furthermore, please stop spiders from flying. THEN A GIANT RAT APPEARED?!. :'( I'm crying. I can feel that Rilec is quite simple-minded, but in a good way. He simply follows his instincts to learn and that's endearing. He's also not one to take insults by their negative, and instead take advantage of them as a time to gain more knowledge. Rilec is a boy who knows respect, so please give him to me. Sera is also a favorite of mine, being the helpful and patient cat that she is. Pek is that extroverted friend. There's always one. Emmy even went out of her way to procure some hammers from her friend for Rilec. I love how your characters show the good side of people. It's very refreshing! The Rilec and Pek duo is really enthusiastic in their endeavours. I just wish that these pure beings won't be berayed by opportunistic bastards who'll try to join their guild. Poor Dominic should destroy that hypocrite church. :) I wonder if choosing the hammer class is one of the prerequisites of achieving immortality? Some Cogs are definitely conspiring with the church, I assume??? I hope not. [[[ Constructive, please don't hate me.]]] This world follows a levelling-up system akin to a game. It is not by any chance uncommon, but there are some specifics that will make this system unique to your story. I suggest that you make an auxiliary chapter containing all of the information about the system. Most of it was dumped on the 1st chapter, so I forgot some info along the way. I. APPRECIATE. VERY. DETAILED. NARRATION. Rather than lack of details, I prefer stories to be wordy if that will aid in a more vivid explanation of the events. You've done good in this aspect. I like that you don't leave the readers in the dark of the most essential of information regarding your story. However, there were a myriad of grammatical mistakes. These mistakes are quite important in retaining the pace of your story. Misuse and absence of punctuation marks, some incorrect verb tenses, improper determiner use, and condensed paragraphs. I think you could start a dialogue in a new line instead of incorporating it inside the paragraph. It's quite difficult to read (or it's just my preference, sorry). If the speech is not preceded with a related action, it's fine to put them in a new line. The pacing of your story is just fine for an action genre, not too hasty nor slow. This is an utterly enticing story, and I hope that my review motivated you to write even more. You have a good grasp on what you want to convey, which are Rilec's adventures as he grow along with his comrades. I'll be cheering you on! (Sorry if I was not of help D: ) Thank you so much!!! p.s. If you have the time, please read my work. I'm not asking for a review. I would be delighted to know your opinions even if you send it through discord DM. [Title: The Requiem of An Empress]